Anonymous
Post 11/02/2023 11:58     Subject: Re:No birthday invitations this year
I’m surprised, are all-class parties really over already after one year? I also have a first grader and it seemed like last year almost half the class had an all class party. This year I think he has been to 2 parties, but I know there were more birthdays than that.

Anonymous
Post 11/02/2023 11:18     Subject: No birthday invitations this year
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I do recommend supporting playdates, at least once. When my child talks a lot about a particular friend at school, I'll ask if they want a playdate, and if so, I'll send a note with my phone number to school with the kid, to give to the other kid to give to their parent. I've gotten in touch with the parent by text that way, and once you have each other's info, it's very easy to send invites to bday parties, playdates, etc.


I’m new and have reached out to two people for playdates. One never responded (their kid knows I emailed mom because my kid has talked about it) and one said (sure but we are busy! And that was 3 months ago). I don’t get the sense that people want to have play dates in elementary. Or they don’t want to with my kid


It may just be timing. I did a few play dates right when school started with people we knew last year. Now we are busy with after school activities and sports, not just the first grader but with older siblings.

I remember there was this boy and mom who asked for a play date. We said yes but they were busy. I forgot about even after my son asked me 10x. Then they asked again next time they saw me like a month later. Never set up a time. I invited that kid over and he couldn’t make it. 6 months later the mom finally invited my kid over and he went.


I guess I’ll ask that second mom again. But I don’t like to be the one asking twice because if people secretly want to decline I don’t want to force them into an uncomfortable position. I don’t know what to make of email ignoring mom. Our kids play together at school and the teacher has told me they are pretty much best buds.
Anonymous
Post 11/02/2023 11:11     Subject: No birthday invitations this year
Anonymous wrote:Invite few kids your DD plays together more often for play dates, or do a birthday invite so you get to know some parents to help your DD make friends. Once a girl group is formed it’s hard to get in. My DD started 1st grade at a new public school but since most already knew each other since k, my DD was excluded in all group until 4th when there were new kids joined in and my DD finally made friends with them.


We moved when my boys were similar grades. My boys played sports and joined scouts and made friends instantly.

We just switched one kid to a private middle school and making friends hasn’t been been slower. He has a few acquaintances only so far after 2 months.
Anonymous
Post 11/02/2023 11:04     Subject: No birthday invitations this year
Invite few kids your DD plays together more often for play dates, or do a birthday invite so you get to know some parents to help your DD make friends. Once a girl group is formed it’s hard to get in. My DD started 1st grade at a new public school but since most already knew each other since k, my DD was excluded in all group until 4th when there were new kids joined in and my DD finally made friends with them.
Anonymous
Post 11/02/2023 11:02     Subject: No birthday invitations this year
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I do recommend supporting playdates, at least once. When my child talks a lot about a particular friend at school, I'll ask if they want a playdate, and if so, I'll send a note with my phone number to school with the kid, to give to the other kid to give to their parent. I've gotten in touch with the parent by text that way, and once you have each other's info, it's very easy to send invites to bday parties, playdates, etc.


I’m new and have reached out to two people for playdates. One never responded (their kid knows I emailed mom because my kid has talked about it) and one said (sure but we are busy! And that was 3 months ago). I don’t get the sense that people want to have play dates in elementary. Or they don’t want to with my kid


It may just be timing. I did a few play dates right when school started with people we knew last year. Now we are busy with after school activities and sports, not just the first grader but with older siblings.

I remember there was this boy and mom who asked for a play date. We said yes but they were busy. I forgot about even after my son asked me 10x. Then they asked again next time they saw me like a month later. Never set up a time. I invited that kid over and he couldn’t make it. 6 months later the mom finally invited my kid over and he went.
Anonymous
Post 11/02/2023 10:59     Subject: No birthday invitations this year
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:You can ask for a class list. That is silly.


You can ask.

The answer is always no.

Then what?



Our teacher told us she can forward an invitation to the parents. I believe it has to be the whole class.

My friend had a similar problem. She didn’t want to invite the whole class.



Room parent here: MCPS prohibited the classroom list redistribution for privacy purposes. This is new and teachers are not allowed to share parents' contact lists even with their PTA.


Pp here. We are FCPS. At our school, you have to opt in to the room parent distribution list, pta directory, etc. there is always 1 or 2 kids missing but it includes most of the class.

I have just used the directory but teacher has told us she can forward an invite to whole class.
Anonymous
Post 11/02/2023 10:45     Subject: No birthday invitations this year
Anonymous wrote:I do recommend supporting playdates, at least once. When my child talks a lot about a particular friend at school, I'll ask if they want a playdate, and if so, I'll send a note with my phone number to school with the kid, to give to the other kid to give to their parent. I've gotten in touch with the parent by text that way, and once you have each other's info, it's very easy to send invites to bday parties, playdates, etc.


I’m new and have reached out to two people for playdates. One never responded (their kid knows I emailed mom because my kid has talked about it) and one said (sure but we are busy! And that was 3 months ago). I don’t get the sense that people want to have play dates in elementary. Or they don’t want to with my kid
Anonymous
Post 11/02/2023 10:39     Subject: No birthday invitations this year
I do recommend supporting playdates, at least once. When my child talks a lot about a particular friend at school, I'll ask if they want a playdate, and if so, I'll send a note with my phone number to school with the kid, to give to the other kid to give to their parent. I've gotten in touch with the parent by text that way, and once you have each other's info, it's very easy to send invites to bday parties, playdates, etc.
Anonymous
Post 11/02/2023 10:28     Subject: No birthday invitations this year
Why is there so much angst on this board about birthday parties and playdates? So much social comparison going on, and for what? So you can feel bad? I guarantee your child isn’t worrying about this. So much insecurity among the parents on this board.
Anonymous
Post 11/02/2023 10:06     Subject: No birthday invitations this year
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:You can ask for a class list. That is silly.


You can ask.

The answer is always no.

Then what?



Our teacher told us she can forward an invitation to the parents. I believe it has to be the whole class.

My friend had a similar problem. She didn’t want to invite the whole class.



Room parent here: MCPS prohibited the classroom list redistribution for privacy purposes. This is new and teachers are not allowed to share parents' contact lists even with their PTA.
Anonymous
Post 11/02/2023 09:58     Subject: No birthday invitations this year
This is so school specific.
My kid was in mcps in K and 1st in eastern moco and got invited to 2 parties total.
Meanwhile my friend with same age kids in Clarksburg seemed to go to parties every other weekend.
Anonymous
Post 11/02/2023 09:55     Subject: No birthday invitations this year
^if you were somehow a scapegoat in your family *where you were routinely excluded from things on a daily basis*^
Anonymous
Post 11/02/2023 09:52     Subject: No birthday invitations this year
If it doesn't bother your child, then don't let it bother you, either. If your kid is happy, be happy that she's happy.

Sometimes parents are re-living their own experience as a youth in these matters -- especially triggering if you were somehow a scapegoat in your family, or otherwise always on the outside of a social circle looking in, trying to fit in.

Know your triggers, and put them into context so your kid doesn't think you see them as somehow unworthy of being invited.
Anonymous
Post 11/02/2023 09:49     Subject: Re:No birthday invitations this year
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:My first grader is similar. Had kids she plays with but no close friends at school (she has one very close friend from an outside activity who goes to a different school). Have reached out to a couple parents for play dates but they either flake or don’t reciprocate. It was the same last year in K. She has been invited to one party so far but it’s a girl she knew from last year’s class. However from looking at the board before school started it seems the majority of her class has spring and early summer birthdays (as does she).

At our school it’s impossible to do a whole class party. We tried last year and we tried when our older child was in K but there is always about 1/3 of the class whose parents don’t post their info on the PTA/parent portal. And the teacher and room parents are not allowed to provide the contact info they have. So for instance in DD’s class of 25, only about half even listed their kid on the portal, and not all of them provided contact info.


So interesting, I have a K-er and we've already been invited to two class parties (I can tell by the invite the whole class was invited). I just looked at the last email we got from the room parents and it has every single parents email right there. So clearly they aren't shy about sharing! Seems silly to make it so difficult.


Agree, it does seem strange. I have been a room parent in the past and always send an initial email asking if anyone wants to be removed from the list before we make it public and never get a response.

I have a 1st grader and she's been to 3 parties of kids from school, but only 1 seemed to be whole class. For the other two, one seemed to be a mix of friends from last year and the other was girls from class/soccer/scouts. My DD has a fall birthday and it was hard for her to figure out invite list because she didn't know the kids in her current class so well -- ended up inviting all the girls in her current class plus a smattering of kids from last year (boys and girls).
Anonymous
Post 11/02/2023 09:43     Subject: Re:No birthday invitations this year
Another idea OP is to join one of the sports that goes by school. For example soccer is by elementary school in Arlington so if you join a team early (sign ups for spring are in january for us) you get placed on a team based by your elementary school. It is a good way to meet other kids and helpful because you also meet the parents and then can arrange some playdates.