Anonymous
11/03/2023 05:31
Subject: Charity vs grandchild
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:
You don't need to direct donations to a charity in someone's name, OP! I think that's borderline rude too (why tell people what to do with their money?), and let's not even entertain the notion you touched on in your first post.
Just say nothing. Let people bring flowers. I love flowers. They will make her ceremonial passing beautiful. Whatever your mother leaves will go to the next of kin, and that's fine.
Really? I come from a long line of farm families on both sides and all of them consider flowers a waste. They prefer donations and usually specify where to contribute in the obituary.
many announcements seem to say, "in lieu of flowers please consider a donation to X charity," or OP you could even say "a charity of your choice."
sorry for your loss
Anonymous
11/02/2023 23:37
Subject: Charity vs grandchild
No. VERY bad taste.
Anonymous
11/02/2023 21:48
Subject: Re:Charity vs grandchild
Anonymous wrote:No, no, no, no - don't do this.
The only time I have seen this was a family where the dad died in a freak accident. He was the bread winner, mom worked a very part time job and volunteered a lot at church and in the community. Their two kids were upper elementary. The obit asked for contributions to a scholarship fund for the kids. Don't think they got a lot -- the mom downsized to a much smaller house shortly after and got a full time job.
I have seen this quite a bit. And it’s fine. This is parents dying while their kids are still young. There was a DUI that killed a dad recently in my city and there was a lot of support. It was horrific.
Op’s situation is a grandma dying and not leaving enough money for college. A lot of people do not receive any inheritance at all.
Anonymous
11/02/2023 21:29
Subject: Charity vs grandchild
Anonymous wrote:You won't get enough money to make it worthwhile
THIS. OP, I am so sorry about your mother and the financial situation you’ve all had to endure the last few years. That being said, I say this next part kindly, please under no circumstances as for donations for your children’s college fund in lieu of donations.
Typically the donations are in lieu of flowers. Most people will not give donations, and those that do it will be like $50 here or there. Maybe you will get a few hundred, total (if that). It will not be a substantial amount of money for anything. Please do not, even in your grief, do this.
Anonymous
11/02/2023 20:12
Subject: Charity vs grandchild
Do not solicit donations to your children in an obituary!!!! This is so cringe.
Anonymous
11/02/2023 19:52
Subject: Charity vs grandchild
The secondhand embarrassment I would feel if I saw someone doing this…
Anonymous
11/02/2023 19:34
Subject: Re:Charity vs grandchild
No, no, no, no - don't do this.
The only time I have seen this was a family where the dad died in a freak accident. He was the bread winner, mom worked a very part time job and volunteered a lot at church and in the community. Their two kids were upper elementary. The obit asked for contributions to a scholarship fund for the kids. Don't think they got a lot -- the mom downsized to a much smaller house shortly after and got a full time job.
The only time I have seen this was a family where the dad died in a freak accident. He was the bread winner, mom worked a very part time job and volunteered a lot at church and in the community. Their two kids were upper elementary. The obit asked for contributions to a scholarship fund for the kids. Don't think they got a lot -- the mom downsized to a much smaller house shortly after and got a full time job.
Anonymous
11/02/2023 19:17
Subject: Re:Charity vs grandchild
I think you’d find that people who may have donated to a charity will absolutely not donate for your child’s college fund and that their opinion of you will be forever changed. It’s unfortunate that her financial situation changed but that’s not for friends and family to fix.
Anonymous
11/02/2023 19:12
Subject: Charity vs grandchild
Anonymous wrote:Sadly, my mom was put on hospice care today in the hospital. While the last few days were very hard, the previous years have been fun, supportive, wonderful — and we are very close and spent a lot of time together. Esp wonderful is the relationship she had with my young daughter.
My parents unfortunately had some financial issues later in life after living a good, nice, comfortable life for all of their 50 plus years together. After my dad died we uncovered unknown debts that really hurt my moms financial situation.
She had said many times her goal was to leave money for her only grandchild for college which she won’t be able to do. She was embarrassed and very disappointed about this when we discussed it esp because they were so generous with my sister and I growing up. They paid for our college which gave us both the lifelong gift of being debt free after graduation.
My mom really didn’t have much of an affiliation with a specific charity or church, etc. In preparing her obituary the funeral home recommended listing a charity that her loved ones may like to donate to in her name. Is it in bad taste to request any donations go to our children for their college education? How could we go about that tastefully and is there something that could to be set up (account)?
You cannot be serious.
Anonymous
11/02/2023 19:09
Subject: Charity vs grandchild
You have to pick a charity. It's basically in lieu of flowers -- a dead tradition.
Anonymous
11/02/2023 19:07
Subject: Re:Charity vs grandchild
You can think of the gift of college education your parents gave you as a loan for your children. That is the way we thought of it. Since we graduated without loans we were in a much better financial position to save for our children. As a result, we were also able to pay for college for our children.
Anonymous
11/02/2023 15:34
Subject: Re:Charity vs grandchild
Given that you apparently squandered the money and resources your parents invested in you and are still sticking your hand out and feeling entitled to more it sounds like the charity is the more deserving option
Anonymous
11/02/2023 15:30
Subject: Re:Charity vs grandchild
Just wow! When your mom was lamenting not being able to pay for her grandchild’s college tuition I hope you emphasized that she and your father had already been more than generous in making sure that your college was fully paid for and giving you a huge head start.
If anything you should be embarrassed that you weren’t apparently weren’t able to capitalize on the early advantages that they gave you and pay it forward to your own children. Instead you’re now implicitly shaming your dad/parents for not being sufficiently frugal to also pay for the college costs for your child, which you apparently can’t afford, and instead considering hitting up random relatives.
If anything you should be embarrassed that you weren’t apparently weren’t able to capitalize on the early advantages that they gave you and pay it forward to your own children. Instead you’re now implicitly shaming your dad/parents for not being sufficiently frugal to also pay for the college costs for your child, which you apparently can’t afford, and instead considering hitting up random relatives.
Anonymous
11/02/2023 15:18
Subject: Charity vs grandchild
I think people are being harsh on you. I know this is a difficult time, and it sounds like your mother cared about her family a lot. There's nothing wrong with asking a question like this here, where you won't accidentally offend anyone you know.
That all said, the answer to your question is absolutely no: Do not ask for college donations, and there is no way to phrase or structure this that would make it appropriate.
That all said, the answer to your question is absolutely no: Do not ask for college donations, and there is no way to phrase or structure this that would make it appropriate.
Anonymous
11/02/2023 15:13
Subject: Charity vs grandchild
You could always ask for contributions to The Human Fund