You can all calm down and think about how you can work with your child to determine the best use of their time. My child wanted a random job and to get ahead by studying and to do some prep for next summer. Plus obviously work on the mental health and meds dosing.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I did this. Went to community college. Did NOT work. The last thing I personally needed was to see myself as a failure who was doomed to an hourly position forever. I needed hope. YMMV there, of course.

I would insist on therapy. My parents didn't, and while I did go back and finish my degree, I would have been happier after some intensive mental health help.

Just want to clarify, I would insist my kid work if they failed out for partying and never going to class. But I don't think someone should be punished for having a mental illness by being forced to wait tables or work retail.

It’s not punishment. It’s honest work. Having a tough, grubby hourly job did more for my son’s depression than therapy did (maybe not more than meds, but I think as much). Years and years of therapy didn’t pull him out of depression but working did. It feels good to make money, to know you can rely on yourself, to be around people who have different experiences and expectations for life.

Honestly, the attitude that a job like this is a punishment is part of why kids like ours have problems. It reinforces the stifling idea that white collar work at the “right” kind of employer is the only acceptable path through life, and if you fail at it, life is over.

Agree. The purpose is having a reason to get out of bed in the morning.

Flipping burgers is hardly a purpose. Do you hear yourself?

One more thing -- I'm the poster who suggested Ascend at MCA -- this is SUCH a common situation. So many kids feel "good enough" to do well in high school, have friendships, etc. but the pressures of transition to college can exacerbate depression and anxiety where "good enough" isn't good enough. And it doesn't necessarily get bad enough in Freshman year to raise it. Our child is back at college (no issue returning from the medical leave) and is now thriving but most importantly has tools and emotional skills that were missing before. It's so common. And depression and anxiety are common in all of us adults, too. It's a gift to your child to help him develop those skills now. Good luck and hang in there. It's not an easy journey but very worth it to tackle head-on.

Be prepared for him never returning. Not saying taking time off is the wrong idea. I am saying continue to support him if he doesn’t return to school after a semester off.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I did this. Went to community college. Did NOT work. The last thing I personally needed was to see myself as a failure who was doomed to an hourly position forever. I needed hope. YMMV there, of course.

I would insist on therapy. My parents didn't, and while I did go back and finish my degree, I would have been happier after some intensive mental health help.

Just want to clarify, I would insist my kid work if they failed out for partying and never going to class. But I don't think someone should be punished for having a mental illness by being forced to wait tables or work retail.

It’s not punishment. It’s honest work. Having a tough, grubby hourly job did more for my son’s depression than therapy did (maybe not more than meds, but I think as much). Years and years of therapy didn’t pull him out of depression but working did. It feels good to make money, to know you can rely on yourself, to be around people who have different experiences and expectations for life.

Honestly, the attitude that a job like this is a punishment is part of why kids like ours have problems. It reinforces the stifling idea that white collar work at the “right” kind of employer is the only acceptable path through life, and if you fail at it, life is over.

Agree. The purpose is having a reason to get out of bed in the morning.

You'll want to look at the thread about kids who withdraw for mental health reasons, and the university pressures them to withdraw and then reapply to get back in.

https://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/1093680.page

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I did this. Went to community college. Did NOT work. The last thing I personally needed was to see myself as a failure who was doomed to an hourly position forever. I needed hope. YMMV there, of course.

I would insist on therapy. My parents didn't, and while I did go back and finish my degree, I would have been happier after some intensive mental health help.

Just want to clarify, I would insist my kid work if they failed out for partying and never going to class. But I don't think someone should be punished for having a mental illness by being forced to wait tables or work retail.

It’s not punishment. It’s honest work. Having a tough, grubby hourly job did more for my son’s depression than therapy did (maybe not more than meds, but I think as much). Years and years of therapy didn’t pull him out of depression but working did. It feels good to make money, to know you can rely on yourself, to be around people who have different experiences and expectations for life.

Honestly, the attitude that a job like this is a punishment is part of why kids like ours have problems. It reinforces the stifling idea that white collar work at the “right” kind of employer is the only acceptable path through life, and if you fail at it, life is over.

There's a difference between grubby and minimum-wage service work.

- aircraft mechanic

And there is nothing wrong with either of them.

- human

If a kid has depression and isn't doing well in school, forcing to them to clean vomit from a McDonalds floor isn't going to help.

I'm sorry you and your child are going through this, but dealing with this now will bring so many benefits in the future. If you are local in the DC area check out the Ascend program at MCA. It's all kids taking a semester off to work on emotional wellness. https://metcounseling.com/services/ascend/ We are so glad we found it for our child.

Of course, therapy must be non-negotiable.

I think a break can be life saving in some circumstances.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I did this. Went to community college. Did NOT work. The last thing I personally needed was to see myself as a failure who was doomed to an hourly position forever. I needed hope. YMMV there, of course.

I would insist on therapy. My parents didn't, and while I did go back and finish my degree, I would have been happier after some intensive mental health help.

Just want to clarify, I would insist my kid work if they failed out for partying and never going to class. But I don't think someone should be punished for having a mental illness by being forced to wait tables or work retail.

It’s not punishment. It’s honest work. Having a tough, grubby hourly job did more for my son’s depression than therapy did (maybe not more than meds, but I think as much). Years and years of therapy didn’t pull him out of depression but working did. It feels good to make money, to know you can rely on yourself, to be around people who have different experiences and expectations for life.

Honestly, the attitude that a job like this is a punishment is part of why kids like ours have problems. It reinforces the stifling idea that white collar work at the “right” kind of employer is the only acceptable path through life, and if you fail at it, life is over.

ITTTTA! Wow a job is NOT a punishment. Just like college is not.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I did this. Went to community college. Did NOT work. The last thing I personally needed was to see myself as a failure who was doomed to an hourly position forever. I needed hope. YMMV there, of course.

I would insist on therapy. My parents didn't, and while I did go back and finish my degree, I would have been happier after some intensive mental health help.

Just want to clarify, I would insist my kid work if they failed out for partying and never going to class. But I don't think someone should be punished for having a mental illness by being forced to wait tables or work retail.

It’s not punishment. It’s honest work. Having a tough, grubby hourly job did more for my son’s depression than therapy did (maybe not more than meds, but I think as much). Years and years of therapy didn’t pull him out of depression but working did. It feels good to make money, to know you can rely on yourself, to be around people who have different experiences and expectations for life.

Honestly, the attitude that a job like this is a punishment is part of why kids like ours have problems. It reinforces the stifling idea that white collar work at the “right” kind of employer is the only acceptable path through life, and if you fail at it, life is over.

There's a difference between grubby and minimum-wage service work.

- aircraft mechanic

And there is nothing wrong with either of them.

- human

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I did this. Went to community college. Did NOT work. The last thing I personally needed was to see myself as a failure who was doomed to an hourly position forever. I needed hope. YMMV there, of course.

I would insist on therapy. My parents didn't, and while I did go back and finish my degree, I would have been happier after some intensive mental health help.

Just want to clarify, I would insist my kid work if they failed out for partying and never going to class. But I don't think someone should be punished for having a mental illness by being forced to wait tables or work retail.

It’s not punishment. It’s honest work. Having a tough, grubby hourly job did more for my son’s depression than therapy did (maybe not more than meds, but I think as much). Years and years of therapy didn’t pull him out of depression but working did. It feels good to make money, to know you can rely on yourself, to be around people who have different experiences and expectations for life.

Honestly, the attitude that a job like this is a punishment is part of why kids like ours have problems. It reinforces the stifling idea that white collar work at the “right” kind of employer is the only acceptable path through life, and if you fail at it, life is over.

There's a difference between grubby and minimum-wage service work.

- aircraft mechanic

I have been trying to help my sister help her daughter (so my niece) who needs to take a semester leave to work on her mental health. Unfortunately it looks like her college does not seem to be very supportive and it seem difficult to re-enroll after a mental health leave. She has decided to switch all her classes to pass/no pass to save her GPA.

Depends upon the severity of the mental illness. If severe, then therapy & medication; if not severe, then consider a semester abroad or a semester studying in a fun, outdoorsy area.

Decades ago, two unrelated friends didn't want to return to college after the first semester of freshman year. Both going through bad break-ups with longtime high school girlfriends. Their parents dropped them off at the Syracuse, NY bus station to return to college. Instead the two went out to Interstate 81 & hitchhiked South. The first ride took them all the way to Key West, Florida. Both came back happy as could be after working for a semester as clam-diggers in Key West.

Point is that taking a break from college can be a fun experience; no need to feel concern that your son will be missing out or that a slight disruption to his progress in college will be detrimental to his well-being.

Go clam digging in Key West, skiing in Colorado, rating restaurants in Charleston, South Carolina or participating in a college semester abroad or driving the Pacific Coast Highway for 6 weeks. Work at a resort in Arizona & play tennis and swim.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I did this. Went to community college. Did NOT work. The last thing I personally needed was to see myself as a failure who was doomed to an hourly position forever. I needed hope. YMMV there, of course.

I would insist on therapy. My parents didn't, and while I did go back and finish my degree, I would have been happier after some intensive mental health help.

Just want to clarify, I would insist my kid work if they failed out for partying and never going to class. But I don't think someone should be punished for having a mental illness by being forced to wait tables or work retail.

It’s not punishment. It’s honest work. Having a tough, grubby hourly job did more for my son’s depression than therapy did (maybe not more than meds, but I think as much). Years and years of therapy didn’t pull him out of depression but working did. It feels good to make money, to know you can rely on yourself, to be around people who have different experiences and expectations for life.

Honestly, the attitude that a job like this is a punishment is part of why kids like ours have problems. It reinforces the stifling idea that white collar work at the “right” kind of employer is the only acceptable path through life, and if you fail at it, life is over.