Anonymous
10/30/2023 11:54
Subject: DH to me “are you don’t yet”
That's a lot of contempt OP most marriage won't survive that.
Anonymous
10/30/2023 11:51
Subject: DH to me “are you don’t yet”
This is OP. But when is a reasonable timeframe because if I didn’t ask, I’m 100% confident it would never be addressed. We could have a fire in our kitchen and DH would say… ehh we can fix it later. And this was a situation with our kid, it can’t really wait 6 months.
I’ve tried other ways like email or text but things never move forward. If the toilet needs fixing, do I wait months for his input? If I just handle it, then he’ll say I make decisions on my own. But then the problem is, we have a very unbalanced load because of his anxiety and wanting to just push everything away.
I’m working on me but I would not ever treat him that way. If he comes to me with something important (even if I feel it’s not). I’m going to dismiss him. A PP said, it’s immature. We are adults and should be able to respectfully communicate. That was my starting point.
I should not have to be responsible for figuring out why this is so difficult or triggering for him. He needs to be able to communicate his needs.
I’ve tried other ways like email or text but things never move forward. If the toilet needs fixing, do I wait months for his input? If I just handle it, then he’ll say I make decisions on my own. But then the problem is, we have a very unbalanced load because of his anxiety and wanting to just push everything away.
I’m working on me but I would not ever treat him that way. If he comes to me with something important (even if I feel it’s not). I’m going to dismiss him. A PP said, it’s immature. We are adults and should be able to respectfully communicate. That was my starting point.
I should not have to be responsible for figuring out why this is so difficult or triggering for him. He needs to be able to communicate his needs.
Anonymous
10/30/2023 07:46
Subject: Re:DH to me “are you don’t yet”
You're the problem it's you.
Say, this is my plan and if you would like me to make a change to the plan let me know when you want to talk about it.
Say it once, maybe twice, never 3 times.
You are so incredibly annoying. Work with your counselor to figure out how you can be less annoying, obsess about things less, make decisions for yourself.
Say, this is my plan and if you would like me to make a change to the plan let me know when you want to talk about it.
Say it once, maybe twice, never 3 times.
You are so incredibly annoying. Work with your counselor to figure out how you can be less annoying, obsess about things less, make decisions for yourself.
Anonymous
10/30/2023 07:40
Subject: DH to me “are you don’t yet”
OMg. You are awful.
People need time to think about things sometimes. You don’t “close the conversation” just because YOU want to. He’s communicating he isn’t ready to “commit to a plan” and you aren’t listening to HIM at all.
People need time to think about things sometimes. You don’t “close the conversation” just because YOU want to. He’s communicating he isn’t ready to “commit to a plan” and you aren’t listening to HIM at all.
Anonymous
10/30/2023 07:32
Subject: DH to me “are you don’t yet”
You sound like a major PITA.
Anonymous
10/30/2023 07:24
Subject: DH to me “are you don’t yet”
Anonymous wrote:I don’t know about you but that has got to be the most condescending and disrespectful thing you can say to a partner. Especially when DH wasn’t being attacked. We had an issue today with one of our children and I asked him if he could commit to a plan with me to address the situation. He said yeah I’ll think about it. But I pressed him a little more asking if he could commit to a timeframe of when we could realistically sit down a create a plan - for the plan….
He kept being so dismissive of me, rolling his eyes and saying are you done, what else. I felt like at that point, saying anything else was a total waste of energy because I was talking to a wall.
I was trying to close the conversation but expected that we could at least make a commitment to when we could come back to this issue to begin to address it.
He’s said this to me throughout our relationship and I’ve been in therapy for a while now and I communicated my needs during that conversation and also my need to not be disrespected by my partner. He still rolled his eyes.
What’s next? This is our main issue but I feel pretty strongly that I don’t want my partner to continue to do that to me. I know part of the problem stems from his own anxiety. He wants to focus on doing the physical things for our family like washing the dishes but forget if we need to talk through something with for our family.
We know the problem, we know the solution but he’s not willing to make the time to work on himself to help us.
If he was asking you if you were done yet, you obviously weren't trying to close the conversation. He was.
Anonymous
10/30/2023 07:11
Subject: DH to me “are you don’t yet”
Anonymous wrote:“Commit to a plan” and most of your tone sounds like a business interaction. If my DH talked to me like a coworker, I would also roll my eyes. Maybe that’s the issue?
This was my thought too. It’s a very odd phrasing and off-putting. Maybe he doesn’t want to commit. But you are insisting he does.
Anonymous
10/30/2023 07:10
Subject: DH to me “are you don’t yet”
You are too much OP.