Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The DCUM moms don’t have to worry about this because they pick colleges for their kids and don’t let the kids do any kind of independence thinking for themselves.

Well- my parents told me I could only go in-state VA due to finances (we didn’t qualify for aid). You don’t live in the real world if you think most parents will greenlight a $90k/year private or $65k OOS favorite just because the kid likes the football team or the weather.

We can afford $90K/year, but would not let a kid pick that because of "the football team or the weather". One kid is at a $85K+ but that's because they picked for academics, opportunities outside the classroom, research ability, etc. They have to articulate why a school is their choice and academic opportunities need to be part of it for us to pay.

Anonymous wrote:A kid who focuses on overall fit rather than just name or ranking has a better chance of being happy.

+1

After visiting 10 schools, I could tell which was my kid's favorite. It was a target, they applied to 3 reaches and were rejected (1) and WL (2). Ultimately ended up at what I felt was their real Top choice. Thriving there and it is a perfect fit for all the reasons my kid initially loved it.

So if you are open minded and looking at actual data/facts and not name/ranking, your kid can do a good job finding the best place.

It's kid and family dependent. If parents are college educated, from this country and involved, then I would say yes, most are good at picking what they want (in my kids friend circles this is true).

We've seen kids pick because schools were affordable, had their major, had the D1 sports they wanted, because they could play D3 sports and study what they wanted, in a big city, in the middle of nowhere, etc.

If your parents are not from this country or have never been to college in the US, I imagine it's a difficult and challenging process, which may or may not lead to choosing the college that is the best fit for the child.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The DCUM moms don’t have to worry about this because they pick colleges for their kids and don’t let the kids do any kind of independence thinking for themselves.

Well- my parents told me I could only go in-state VA due to finances (we didn’t qualify for aid). You don’t live in the real world if you think most parents will greenlight a $90k/year private or $65k OOS favorite just because the kid likes the football team or the weather.

Telling your kid to that you have financial constraints is one thing; assuming you know which college will be the best fit is another.

Not when I had the stats for Ivy/top 10 and had worked my butt off and had a clear favorite…it’s very much like OP blaming dcum parents for picking the school. My point being, no we aren’t. We have to say: no you cannot go to your favorite. And we could afford it- but financially it would not be worth it. Unless you have serious need and can o to the Ivies or Hopkins need-blind/full tuition paid- sorry- you are effed.

I don't know if kids are "good" at picking colleges, but I think it's important that for better or worse they are the ones that made the decision. They can't as easily slough off blame onto their parents for any struggles if it was their decision and people usually want to prove themselves right.
I do think parents can give guidelines early in the process--like this is the amount of money that we have available, I want you to choose a college that has a graduation rate of at least x% or whatever else might matter to you--and give advice when asked of course.

Anonymous wrote:The college application process is an important learning opportunity in itself for the student. It’s a time to practice research, prioritization of interests, and self-marketing skills. High schoolers can learn a lot about themselves during it. They probably won’t start off with the best instincts, but can improve a lot in short order. Some guidance is useful, but it’s best to let them make as many decisions as possible, both so they can learn to be self-sufficient with important decision making and because you’ll just get blamed and resented if you don’t let them decide things and the result later turns out less than perfect.

So much this! College apps is your last chance to teach your kid how to make a good decision. How to research the schools. How to evaluate the finances, how to get on campus and pay attention to the things that are important to them— besides dorms and the cafeteria. We are past the era of handing the kid a Fiske guide and telling them to pick some schools. So start by having them make a list of priorities (offers German and has food music ensembles are priorities. Highest USNWR and friends think it’s cool are not). Then go from there.

You kid should feel in the end like they own the decision. And that they are capable of making the next big decision in their life. And that you are a reasonable, supportive partner in making big decisions. Because for the next decision, they are legal adults. You will only get as much input as they decide to give you.

And yes, my two kids ended up at very different types of schools. But both ended up being excellent in their major and a great fit.

Anonymous wrote:The college application process is an important learning opportunity in itself for the student. It’s a time to practice research, prioritization of interests, and self-marketing skills. High schoolers can learn a lot about themselves during it. They probably won’t start off with the best instincts, but can improve a lot in short order. Some guidance is useful, but it’s best to let them make as many decisions as possible, both so they can learn to be self-sufficient with important decision making and because you’ll just get blamed and resented if you don’t let them decide things and the result later turns out less than perfect.

+1

Well siaid. Let your child grow and be healthy.

My kid was good at coming up with a list of criteria that are important to her and she was good at researching schools (through visits, talking to people, etc) to determine if schools met those criteria. But she needed me to come up with the initial list.

My kids were not good at picking a starting consideration set out of the hundreds of colleges out there. I kicked off the process by making them tour a few schools in the area, we talked a lot about likes/dislikes, and then I provided a starting pool of 20ish schools that I thought could fit our budget and maybe have most of what they were looking for. They took it from there to do the research, decide where they wanted to visit, and then ultimately apply and decide where to go. Junior is definitely happy with where he ended up, Freshman seems off to a good start.

Anonymous wrote:A kid who focuses on overall fit rather than just name or ranking has a better chance of being happy.

"Fit" is a mystery until it works out or not. Name or rankings are more objective.

Anonymous wrote:Do high schoolers do a good job of predicting which colleges will be good fits?

Falling in love with a college based on a brochure and a one day visit seems laughable.

Some are, others aren't. Mine picked theirs colleges, majors and career tracks and it worked out well for them. I don't see things going too differently if they went with my picks, may be some savings for me.

My kids? Yes. They're intellectual and tend to take their time and weigh all the criteria that matter to them. I helped my oldest in that process:

1. We drew up a table with all the criteria we could identify and scored each college/university of interest based on geography, major reputation, course offerings, state of the campus, etc. We refined the table as we visited.

2. We visited all the colleges on his list. It gave us an important starting point for academics, but it wasn't enough, because a lot manage to hide their bad points.

3. The real eye-opener was when we returned for Admitted Students' Day, which is when they show their dorms, dining halls, and other important campus life features less guardedly. One university emerged as a clear winner after that.

My older child was only good at picking colleges once he visited. And it was hard because tours were limited due to Covid. He was good at knowing the type of school that would be best but we had to go on lots of visits before he was able to pick.

Most kids are picking from a pretty limited list of generally acceptable options.

17 year olds are good at showing you how some obscure feature in your phone works. They usually aren’t great at telling you how to spend $150,000+