Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:It’s FIL’s money and he brought the issue up with his son, not with you. Stay in your lane. This literally has nothing to do with you. It is FIL’s money and he want his SON’S counsel on what td do now.
I agree with everything you wrote except the bolded portion. FIL isn’t asking for his son’s counsel; he’s asking his son to give his blessing to this plan so FIL doesn’t have to feel guilty about it.
Make sure your dh does not accept responsibility for being executor of the estate if he’s not going to inherit. It’s a PITA and there’s no reason for him to do it.
This is a really good point. And it puts your DH in a really bad place, which is unfair. But it doesn't sound like there is much to inherit anyway if they are taking out loans to support her. So maybe it's best to just walk away from an inheritance but I would absolutely cut SIL off once FIL is gone.
However, my bigger concern if I were you/DH is how much money FIL has to care for himself. It's one thing to inherit nothing but its another thing for you to have to pay for his medical care because of SIL. That would be the conversation I would be having first.
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:It’s FIL’s money and he brought the issue up with his son, not with you. Stay in your lane. This literally has nothing to do with you. It is FIL’s money and he want his SON’S counsel on what td do now.
I agree with everything you wrote except the bolded portion. FIL isn’t asking for his son’s counsel; he’s asking his son to give his blessing to this plan so FIL doesn’t have to feel guilty about it.
Make sure your dh does not accept responsibility for being executor of the estate if he’s not going to inherit. It’s a PITA and there’s no reason for him to do it.
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Advise DH to tell FIL, that it is FIL’s money to due with as he please. Have him also say that when SIL blows through that money, DH will not be responsible for her at all.
Exactly this. The request was hurtful but it is his money.
Anonymous wrote:It’s FIL’s money and he brought the issue up with his son, not with you. Stay in your lane. This literally has nothing to do with you. It is FIL’s money and he want his SON’S counsel on what td do now.
Anonymous wrote:OP, the money is already gone. If your FIL/MIL die with debts, those will be paid off from assets before there is any inheritance.
I would focus on being crystal clear with your DH that you aren't willing to support SIL financially at all. Get your own ducks in a row by tying up money in your retirement accounts, house, and 529s so it'll be harder to access. And you can look into what social programs are available for her.
Anonymous wrote:By even asking, your FIL has made his position clear. His priority is your SIL.
Now you (and your Dh) can make your position clear; who/what is your priority? If it were me, it certainly wouldn't be FIL. Has your Dh been helping FIL around the house with minor repairs, errands, etc.? Maybe the SIL should be the one doing that.
Who hosts holiday meals? I certainly wouldn't prioritize hosting FIL, nor attending if he hosts.
In other words, I cut him off. Simple
Anonymous wrote:It’s FIL’s money and he brought the issue up with his son, not with you. Stay in your lane. This literally has nothing to do with you. It is FIL’s money and he want his SON’S counsel on what td do now.