It is okay that you do not like your uncle.

He does not have to care for the grave. That would only be a temporary solution anyway, since he is undoubtedly old akso.

Sorry, this adulting stuff is not fun.

Anonymous wrote:I am pretty sure that at the cemetary where my family gets buried, there's perpetual landscaping care. You can pay for that and people at the cemetary handle it for you regularly.

Yes, you have to start paying this.

I think your relatives meant well. They thought you would want to know the condition of your parents’ grave (especially if the bush is from you).

Anonymous wrote:Please don’t beat yourself up about this. Your uncle is incredibly rude. When you have a chance to visit the grave, you can prune the lavender back or uproot it. The fact that you are asking this question shows that you care.

OP here.

I am annoyed that my uncle texted me about the overgrown bush, out of the blue, because they never, ever get in touch during the year.
He didn't even ask how we are.

I saw them more than a year ago and, again, he didn't ask how we were then. He was just droning on about how financially successful his adult children are, etc.

I mean, my mum was his own sister. Why is it just my responsibility? They live a 10-15 minute drive away from the grave.

Anyway I will cut back the bush next time I visit and also contact the cemetery caretaker and/or a landscaper.

Hire a landscaper to trim it once a year or so.

Please don’t beat yourself up about this. Your uncle is incredibly rude. When you have a chance to visit the grave, you can prune the lavender back or uproot it. The fact that you are asking this question shows that you care.

Your uncle and his neighbor are both jerks.

My grandparents are buried in various far-off lands in Europe and Asia, and my parents never once mentioned caring for their graves. I believe the cemeteries do it all. It makes sense, since most families aren't local.

You should call the cemetery and ask how the maintenance works, but I doubt you're responsible for it.

Honestly no one. Sorry your parents passed away 15 years ago and 24 years ago. You no longer are close to the gravesites. Just let it go. Pay for someone at the cemetery to remove the shrub then move on with your life.

Your uncle is a jerk and an overgrown lavender bush isn’t anything to fret over.

Text back “ok, feel free to prune it next time you visit”

Lavender doesn’t need to be pruned. It can be pruned, sure, and it looks nice when it is trimmed. But it looks nice wild, too. It isn’t a yew that is going to overwhelm the grave or anything.

Lavenders are short lived plants in most US climates, and so it may be that the lavender is at the end of its lifespan. Next time you are there pull it out (or just saw it back at the base - it won’t grow back), thank it for keeping the graves company, and let the cemetery do whatever other landscaping they do.

Anonymous wrote:I am pretty sure that at the cemetary where my family gets buried, there's perpetual landscaping care. You can pay for that and people at the cemetary handle it for you regularly.

Perpetual care at cemetery handles this. Contact them and pay the fee. One and done

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you didn't ask if you wanted it him to tend it, I just tell him you'll cut it down next time your there. He was probably embarrassed for being called out knowing he could do it. He only cares because someone said something. Your parents certainly don't.

No, he didn't ask if I wanted him to tend it.

None of my relatives ever ask. Probably because they never visit.

I agree with you and I also think he was embarrassed because his neighbor had sent him the picture of the overgrown lavender.

Did this happen in Pettyville? So many residents there....

Creeping theme.

I would tell him that given you can't get there that often, he's welcome to take on this task. You don't mind at all if he prunes it!

Yes I would remove it and plant something lower maintenance. It has served out its purpose.

Ask the cemetery office if they know anyone you can hire.