Her choice. She lives with it. She makes the best of it - that's an important lesson in itself.

Sounds like no wrong answer here.

There is no way I would continue to pay extra for my well performing child to be extra miserable OP.

You've tried an experiment and it didn't work, time to move on.

OP here. A month later, and she still hates it. Tells me every single day. Not bullying, but many valid reasons. Really most everything there is harder than it needs to be. Almost feel like they're hazing the kids in certain classes. Plus not the best environment for girls (a bit too old school).

Anyway, we live out of state, where our semester (both schools) end in Dec, and restart in Jan.
She's hesitant to switch, solely because of appearances and disappointing her current school. I said to do what's really in her heart (I trust her)

In general, I've recently learned that life is too short to be miserable if you can avoid it.

What's driving her miserableness?

It sounds like she can keep up with the work.

Is she being bullied? If so, I am sympathetic.

Or has she simply not found "her people"? If that's the case, she should stick it out for the full school year, join some clubs or sports teams, etc. Life is full of times when you have to go to a new place and "find your people" - college, the workplace, your 20s. Might as well start learning this now.

I really get how hard it is to see your kid be miserable at a new school. At the same time, along with reasons cited above, I'd have her stay at least through the end of the year because when you avoid a stressful situation, it reinforces the notion in the brain that that situation is not to be touched again. This is great for something like driving under the influence (don't do it again! you shouldn't do it again!) But for something like getting used to a new environment, I think it teaches a kid that they can't find their home someplace new. Yes, some places should be left, but not before they have time to try it out more.

I say this very gently, as someone who sometimes gets overly emotionally involved in her own daughter's low points: Are you wanting her to switch back because you think it's the right thing for her, or because you want to avoid her pain and yours?

I am not sure if you are in DC but if so, I assume you are talking to move to JR or maybe MacArthur . If you are sure you want to switch (as opposed to wait a little to see if your kid adjust to new school) I would move now because the main classes are year long (including all AP classes) so starting at the end of January would mean joining the core classes more than half way through the year

Where do you want her to attend high school OP?

If you want her to be in public, move her now. The longer she stays in private, the more likely she'll stick there. I had a kid who moved from public to private in 9th and it was rough for most of the first year. He didn't feel like he fit in until sophomore year. However, by the end of freshman year he had partially identified with the school (i.e. he felt like a student there and felt like going back to pubic would be rough as well).

If you want her to stay in private long-term, keep her in private until the end of the year. She'll likely find her people, finding things she likes about the school, etc.

Anonymous wrote:I won't get into details, but we sent my dd to a rigorous private for freshman year, after going to public her whole life. She is miserable. Every day. Grades are good, but she hates everything at the school.

She will transfer to the public HS (where we should have sent her in the first place), but when? with the least disruptions?
She wants to go now, but I think it's easier academically to wait until semester or year-end.

Opinions? Anyone go through this?

Mine moved back after one semester. It worked out for her.

Anonymous wrote:I would transfer now but also make sure bc child would like DCPS first. I would see if she can shadow for a day, talk to friends. Just make sure she would actually do better

A shadow day is a GREAT idea.

Interesting creative suggestion. Charles comes off better in later seasons!

OP's kid could easily hate her public school if she's not being bullied and switches mid-year. She might just be in school hating mode at 14 or 15. In OP's shoes, I'd take a wait and see attitude absent serious bulling, telling the girl to gut things out in 9th grade as best she can.

Anonymous wrote:OP, I'd stick it out for the year while pursuing other options. Teenagers are invariably moody. They benefit from learning to make the best of situations, at least for a time. Unless the girl is being relentlessly bullied at the private and admins don't give a hoot, what does she really have to complain about in a world where hundreds of millions of deeply impoverished teenagers in developing countries can't attend school at all, much as they'd love to.

OK, I wouldn't keep here there for years if she really hates it, but sticking the school out for the rest of the year won't kill her as an UMC person with access to all she really needs. Maybe have her watch the episode of the Crown Season 2 where Prince Charles hates the outdoorsy school in Scotland. She can learn about how he was stuck there for years but got through it. If she switches schools mid-year, she's being permitted to take the easy way out. Not great for character building. Who knows, if she sticks it out until June, she might even wind up wanting to stay on.

LOL this suggestion is wild, for so many reasons (not least of all that Charles’s character is shown to be notoriously poor throughout the show, largely because of indifferent and unsympathetic parenting).

This aligns with the college freshman adjustment. October is pretty miserable for many freshmen. Most of the time they end up working out but they have 4 more years of life experience than hs freshmen.

I think the person above may be right, but make sure you really know that there is no bullying or anything else really serious that your DD is just not telling you about. And see if you can come to this decision together, rather than imposing it on her.

OP, I'd stick it out for the year while pursuing other options. Teenagers are invariably moody. They benefit from learning to make the best of situations, at least for a time. Unless the girl is being relentlessly bullied at the private and admins don't give a hoot, what does she really have to complain about in a world where hundreds of millions of deeply impoverished teenagers in developing countries can't attend school at all, much as they'd love to.

OK, I wouldn't keep here there for years if she really hates it, but sticking the school out for the rest of the year won't kill her as an UMC person with access to all she really needs. Maybe have her watch the episode of the Crown Season 2 where Prince Charles hates the outdoorsy school in Scotland. She can learn about how he was stuck there for years but got through it. If she switches schools mid-year, she's being permitted to take the easy way out. Not great for character building. Who knows, if she sticks it out until June, she might even wind up wanting to stay on.

I would transfer now but also make sure bc child would like DCPS first. I would see if she can shadow for a day, talk to friends. Just make sure she would actually do better