My son i(25);s the same. I haven't seen his apartment and can only imagine. Probably absolutely disgusting.

Yes, if it bothers you so much then take him to dinner/coffee/movies when you visit rather than hanging out at his place. If you do go to his place, find something to compliment. (Cool artwork, interesting baseball cap collection, etc). He’s living his life as he sees fit. TBH I thought this was going to be like evidence of drug use, or not properly caring for a pet, etc. junk food? A mess? Let him be.

He is living up to his standards. Don’t expect him to live up to yours.

When I was in my 20s, I kept my apartment neat in fact neater than my friends. My mother was a total jerk and had an unrealistic expectation. She basically devoted her life to overseeing her maids and constantly redecorating her palatial house. I would furiously deep clean before she came, have a fancy appetizer tray out and try to remember to have Perrier in the fridge. She would walk in, scrunch her nose in her fat little face and always say there was an odor. There never was any odors. She would intermix her visits with moving things around searching for missed spots and delight when she found one. Gleefully and with an air of disgust point it out while lecturing me on how I should be more responsible in maintaining my property. If I left the room, I would come back to find her rifling through my drawers announcing that they were disorganized.

I hated having her in my space. I eventually went no contact and was so much happier.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think the most important thing to understand is that if you say anything, it absolutely will not help and it most likely will make the problem worse.

Once you accept that you can look at your own thoughts and decide how to deal with them and focus on supporting your kid

+1

There is absolutely nothing you can do to improve the way he is living. NOTHING.

But there's a LOT you can do to improve or straight up RUIN your relationship with him. I'd try an apology. "Larlo, I'm sorry I've been such a nag about your house and your eating habits. You are a wonderful young man, I'm proud of you, and I trust you to make your own decisions. It's just hard for me to let go of the "mom" roll sometimes. I'll try and do better."

Then never say another word about his home or his eating habits and just enjoy his company.

This is the correct answer!!!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The bag of spinach was next level. Back the eff off.

This plus the "stuffing his face with sugar and carbs", indicates troll.

Score 3/10, because a quite few people bought it

Yeah, I started to suspect with the trope of the rotting bag of spinach at the back of the fridge.

Anonymous wrote:The bag of spinach was next level. Back the eff off.

This plus the "stuffing his face with sugar and carbs", indicates troll.

Score 3/10, because a quite few people bought it

Who would just eat a bag of spinach? Buy him some apples and bananas or something, if you must.

He also obviously has depression.

You have no control anymore about how he lives.

I understand why you are worried but don’t let your concerns take over your relationship . They could end it.

Avoid his apartment. Stay in a hotel. Take him out to dinner. Be happy if he has no substance abuse problems.

Oreos and clutter have yet to kill a twenty-something.

Clutter can be a sign of a traumatic upbringing in various ways.

Anonymous wrote:I think the most important thing to understand is that if you say anything, it absolutely will not help and it most likely will make the problem worse.

Once you accept that you can look at your own thoughts and decide how to deal with them and focus on supporting your kid

+1

There is absolutely nothing you can do to improve the way he is living. NOTHING.

But there's a LOT you can do to improve or straight up RUIN your relationship with him. I'd try an apology. "Larlo, I'm sorry I've been such a nag about your house and your eating habits. You are a wonderful young man, I'm proud of you, and I trust you to make your own decisions. It's just hard for me to let go of the "mom" roll sometimes. I'll try and do better."

Then never say another word about his home or his eating habits and just enjoy his company.

I think the most important thing to understand is that if you say anything, it absolutely will not help and it most likely will make the problem worse.

Once you accept that you can look at your own thoughts and decide how to deal with them and focus on supporting your kid

I don't know what OP can do about it but I wouldn't assume that he'll get a girlfriend who will clean up his act. Lots of guys today get too absorbed in the internet and girls on OnlyFans and don't have in person relationships.

You do need to back off OP.

My husband was like this at 25. Ate like crap and lived in a pit.

I know it drove his mother crazy and she in turn drove him crazy so he responded by ignoring her calls.

Now he's a 45 year old physician who eats well, unloads the dishwasher every single morning and sometimes even independently vacuums the house.

in order to have other things he wants in life

Yeah, eventually he'll clean up his act for a girl. Op, has he had relationships? Is there hope?

I would feel the same way, my heart goes out to you, OP!

However, I will add to the above that my DH was a mess with the worst diet ever in his early-mid 20’s. He never even had the gas hooked up at his tiny cave-like apartment in NYC. He lived on takeout, cereal, coffee, and soda. It was an unattractive mess. Now he’s a 40-something dad who irons every weekend and cleans the kitchen every night. We eat a lot of veggies. He jogs and has a professional job.

You can’t know how it will go, but there’s hope. A girlfriend would be really helpful lol!