I did absolutely nothing for my now junior and freshman’s applications. I couldn’t even tell you how to log into the common app. I didn’t read either essay although the younger one had a teacher and her counselor read it. I honestly don’t even know how many schools #2 applied to. I lost track after a while. She had all her applications in by November 1 which was her goal.

Both are completely happy where they are.

Now I know I will have to be way more involved with #3. He’s not as organized or on top of things.

We went through college admissions last year.
No one I know, NO ONE, was chill about it.

In this day and age, chill does not exist for the families who are aware of what all this entails. Sure, your kid can only apply to safeties, go test-optional, chatGPT their essays. Perhaps the family doesn't fill out financial aid forms. But the kid still need to request letters of recs, transcripts, they still need apply by the deadline, and the Common App has questions few 17 year olds know how to answer about their parents' education... unless they guesstimate that too.

So the only ones who are chill are the ones who are half-assing it.

That IS a legit strategy if you're happy with where they end up, and money is no object, or if they're applying to community college.

But usually parents are a little more demanding, given that college is a lot of money for most households.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kids refused to pick a "reach." Was it fear of rejection? High self-awareness? Who knows? They picked modest lists and DH and I said "go for it."

Your kids sound very grounded!

Or maybe they have anxiety and very low self esteem and an intense fear of rejection.

I personally think it's always worth it to shoot for the stars (and I realize that everyone's definition of "stars" is different!). It's always worth it to try your best and push yourself and be challenged. You'll grow a lot in the process.

I guess the measure of healthy self esteem is to work really insanely hard too become a top 1% student so you can get rejected from a T10 along with 96% of all applicants instead of just going to a school with a reasonable admit rate that meets all your needs and is actually happy and grateful to have you there.

My kid spent senior yr abroad, she was 12 time zones away. She had done nothing done before she left that summer, was dealing with a very difficult and stressful living situation those first few months, and somehow managed to get her common app stuff and supplemental essays done in time for an early app which worked out so she was one and done in December. It was actually way less stressful than if she had been home in our house - she worked on stuff on her own time, asked me to look over and give feedback from time to time, but I wasn’t looking over her shoulder and asking her about it all the time and that really made it so much easier in both of us. No consultants. Kid now at reachy-reach type school.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kids refused to pick a "reach." Was it fear of rejection? High self-awareness? Who knows? They picked modest lists and DH and I said "go for it."

Some college counselors that don't want parents or kids going nutso on them are advocating for much low baller schools.

Really smart kids with high EQ can figure out fast that playing the T20 game is not actually necessary, so why not maximize returns by waltzing into lower ranked schools with merit aid using their superior stats.

Being able to accurately assess risk and reward and invest resources accordingly is a very very valuable skill to have.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DD decided to apply to only target or safety schools. She picked 7 she feels good attending - any of them - and submitted already.

I proofread her essay and a couple supplementals. That’s it.

I felt she had a logical and responsible way of handling a process that can be absolutely stressful.

Fingers crossed for good results. With 7 reasonable schools, I’m confident something will work out.

She should shoot for the stars for at least one. All targets and safeties sounds like afraid of rejection. Best advice I ever got (And it has paid off): you don't get what you don't ask for.

Eh… she doesn’t see it that way, and neither do I. I promise you it isn’t a fear of rejection. It’s that she knows what she wants. Not everybody is “top school” driven.

Students can be shooting for the stars. They just may not be the same stars as somebody else.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kids refused to pick a "reach." Was it fear of rejection? High self-awareness? Who knows? They picked modest lists and DH and I said "go for it."

Your kids sound very grounded!

Or maybe they have anxiety and very low self esteem and an intense fear of rejection.

I personally think it's always worth it to shoot for the stars (and I realize that everyone's definition of "stars" is different!). It's always worth it to try your best and push yourself and be challenged. You'll grow a lot in the process.

Anonymous wrote:What’s the point of this thread?

She wants a cookie.

Anonymous wrote:OK i'm crashing your thread- sorry. I just find your tone really self-satisfied and know-it-all.
I know kids last year who crashed and burned with your "mellow out" strategy. NOt all family can afford to be "chill." Not all kids have their act together by senior year. Some kids have ADHD or learning differences and need support through the process. This process can be overwhelming for neurotypical kids as well. The applications are complex and it's the first time kids have done this. I am not advocating a hostile takeover of the process but being a helpful sounding board is reasonable. Also it's the biggest investment I'll make as an adult so, yeah, if looking over an essay for typo's helps my kid get merit aid- I'm down for that.

Sir this is a Wendy’s

Anonymous wrote:My kids refused to pick a "reach." Was it fear of rejection? High self-awareness? Who knows? They picked modest lists and DH and I said "go for it."

Some college counselors that don't want parents or kids going nutso on them are advocating for much low baller schools.

Anonymous wrote:My DD decided to apply to only target or safety schools. She picked 7 she feels good attending - any of them - and submitted already.

I proofread her essay and a couple supplementals. That’s it.

I felt she had a logical and responsible way of handling a process that can be absolutely stressful.

Fingers crossed for good results. With 7 reasonable schools, I’m confident something will work out.

She should shoot for the stars for at least one. All targets and safeties sounds like afraid of rejection. Best advice I ever got (And it has paid off): you don't get what you don't ask for.

Anonymous wrote:OK i'm crashing your thread- sorry. I just find your tone really self-satisfied and know-it-all.
I know kids last year who crashed and burned with your "mellow out" strategy. NOt all family can afford to be "chill." Not all kids have their act together by senior year. Some kids have ADHD or learning differences and need support through the process. This process can be overwhelming for neurotypical kids as well. The applications are complex and it's the first time kids have done this. I am not advocating a hostile takeover of the process but being a helpful sounding board is reasonable. Also it's the biggest investment I'll make as an adult so, yeah, if looking over an essay for typo's helps my kid get merit aid- I'm down for that.

NP and it’s not about ADHD etc, it’s all about personality. We are a year away from applications and we will be like OP with our oldest. He has an IEP and ADHD but is super laid back and already telling us he wants to go somewhere low pressure that wants him, no reach needed. He’s also not stressed at all and happy with the idea that anyone can go to community college as a back up and save money too. These are all his words, it’s not us. We will help him if he wants and let him guide the way.

Now our type A younger NT kid is going to be a different story when the time comes for college. We won’t have an easy going application process.

My DD decided to apply to only target or safety schools. She picked 7 she feels good attending - any of them - and submitted already.

I proofread her essay and a couple supplementals. That’s it.

I felt she had a logical and responsible way of handling a process that can be absolutely stressful.

Fingers crossed for good results. With 7 reasonable schools, I’m confident something will work out.

Anonymous wrote:Yeah my kid didn’t know I had a graduate degree, or years we graduated stuff like that that was required on common app.

Same.

Anonymous wrote:I don’t think your tone is bad. I get it. This is a stressful time periods for some and you’re just trying to point out that it isn’t always like that for everyone. I welcome it.

I’m a typical type A mom who has my oldest kid as a senior this year, and I’m trying hard not to f up our currently good relationship by being to much of a know it all tiger mom. So far he’s hit every deadline and will wind up at a great school I’m sure. Just gotta chill, mentally. It’s a goood reminder, thanks!

DP here. I agree. Their mental health is what is important. So many parents lose sight of this. Besides - DC is 18 - an adult - they have to do for themselves sometime, and college apps are the perfect time.