For an adult, no gift needed. For a child, always.

Why do you gauge what you do based upon those around you?

If people say they want no gifts, respect their wishes.

So odd that you felt the need to backtrack when others did something different.

Be confident and mature (=make your own decisions).

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just bring a gift. It avoids any awkwardness of the being the only one empty handed. Better safe than sorry.

OMG.

Maybe if people stopped worrying so much about feeling awkward and started respecting the host's wishes, we could all stop stressing about this question.

Oh well. My experience tells me otherwise. So, now, gifts.

Take a gift and “forget” it in the car unless you see everyone else brought one.

We've said no gifts and meant no gifts. Respect and believe them and don't bring a gift. When people did ignore our request and brought a gift, we were slightly annoyed, but of course we had to be polite and thank them. And we really appreciated the people who respected our wishes, but it would have been very weird to thank them explicitly for NOT bringing a gift.

Anonymous wrote:Just bring a gift. It avoids any awkwardness of the being the only one empty handed. Better safe than sorry.

OMG.

Maybe if people stopped worrying so much about feeling awkward and started respecting the host's wishes, we could all stop stressing about this question.

Just bring a gift. It avoids any awkwardness of the being the only one empty handed. Better safe than sorry.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What I have learned is that people bring gifts. When you don’t bring a gift, you look like the bad person.

I DO NOT WANT GIFTS!! I have everything I need, my kids have more than they need, I don't want to write thank-you notes, I don't want people to feel the stress of having to find one to give. I just want to have a fun party. I am grateful but honestly irritated when people bring gifts when I have asked them not to.

Sorry for the all caps, I feel a little silly about that now, but it's frustrating when people don't take you at your word.

Anonymous wrote:What I have learned is that people bring gifts. When you don’t bring a gift, you look like the bad person.

I DO NOT WANT GIFTS!! I have everything I need, my kids have more than they need, I don't want to write thank-you notes, I don't want people to feel the stress of having to find one to give. I just want to have a fun party. I am grateful but honestly irritated when people bring gifts when I have asked them not to.

No gifts means no gifts.

OMG PLEASE NO GIFTS. Of course I will say thank you and act gracious that you bought a piece of plastic junk for my kid that will now become crap in my house that I trip over, hate, and eventually contribute to a landfill.

If you MUST bring something, bring a gift certificate for a book or a restaurant or an experience. Or, if the parents are into, wine.

Flowers sadly are also a burden. They must be cut and put in a pretty vase during the key moments of a party that I have zero time to do that, half the time they smell terrible, and then they decay and have to be thrown away.

But how hard is it to just LISTEN to what people have asked and respect their wishes? Trust me, no one is saying "oh no gifts please" because they think they have to but are secretly hoping that people bring gifts. If people want their kid to have a party with lots of presents, they won't say no gifts. That's ok too!

Love,
Your resident grump

The host can’t control whether other guests bring gifts despite being asked not to. So the fact that there may or may not be gifts is irrelevant. If the invitation requests no gifts, then don’t bring a gift, and don’t give it a second thought.

If someone says no gifts, I don't bring a gift. I don't pay attention to whether other people bring gifts, because I know the host doesn't want them, and I rather do what the host wants.

Anonymous wrote:What I have learned is that people bring gifts. When you don’t bring a gift, you look like the bad person.

Look like the bad person to whom?

What I have learned is that people bring gifts. When you don’t bring a gift, you look like the bad person.