Anonymous wrote:OP here - really appreciate all these perspectives. She fell asleep shortly after I posted last night and actually didn’t wake up at all in the night, which was a huge win. We all got much needed rest. We’ll see what tonight brings - thanks for the continued experiences and advice.

One thing it will help to learn is that she DID wake up during the rest of the night. We all do. She just connected herself to another sleep cycle without you. That’s the skill you’re encouraging. Mine actually cried a little when connecting sleep cycles for a long time in infancy, for like 90 seconds and barely conscious. 90 seconds can feel like eternity but it’s just how she did it. In some book I read the French call it “le pause” or something dumb but basically they’re giving the baby a moment yo see if they can get another cycle going on their own.

OP here - really appreciate all these perspectives. She fell asleep shortly after I posted last night and actually didn’t wake up at all in the night, which was a huge win. We all got much needed rest. We’ll see what tonight brings - thanks for the continued experiences and advice.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here - have been trying to get her to sleep tonight without rocking her to sleep and she’s been crying for 40 minutes already. It’s so painful.

So DONT DO IT. Sometimes I am amazed at how parents think all kids need the same thing and will respond the same way. If you have to keep retraining them, then it just seems cruel to me. They have needs- even when its nighttime- even if those needs are a hug. he/she could be having nightmare, gas, etc. and y'all just sit there and listen to them cry....because one day it will stop?

NP. I did a lot of things with my older kid, like letting them scream for me for 40 minutes in the night, that I thought at the time was the “right” thing to do (largely based on advice here) that were hard for me and for them that I now deeply regret. I did not repeat that with my second kid. I’m sure I missed out on some sleep, but I feel better about my parenting choices.

FWIW, everyone sleeps through the night now, except for the occasional bad dream. 4 year old likes to be tucked back in after they get up to pee.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here - have been trying to get her to sleep tonight without rocking her to sleep and she’s been crying for 40 minutes already. It’s so painful.

So DONT DO IT. Sometimes I am amazed at how parents think all kids need the same thing and will respond the same way. If you have to keep retraining them, then it just seems cruel to me. They have needs- even when its nighttime- even if those needs are a hug. he/she could be having nightmare, gas, etc. and y'all just sit there and listen to them cry....because one day it will stop?

I don’t want anyone to do anything they don’t want to do. No one needs to cry it out. You can cosleep!

But it’s perfectly acceptable to prioritize everyone’s independent sleep. I need that to be a good parent. We did it from go - basically everything Taking Cara Babies says. Which doesn’t mean a lot of crying, in fact we didn’t have to “sleep train” at all.

In some cases (not all! I know!) because of the kind of half start, check ins, letting them cry 10 minutes and caving you’ve “trained” the child to cry for a long time just as much as “sleep training” trains them not to. So then you have to deal with some rough nights to undo it.

My point is just pick one and follow through, because being wishy washy probably contributed a lot to OP being in a tough place now.

I'm sorry Op. I agree with have you tried to shift the schedule?

We sleep trained at 6 months as well but have never felt comfortable doing it during the toddler phase. If you do try again tonight, I would make sure to explain to your toddler I know we've been rocking you to sleep but it makes it harder for you to sleep later int he night so we aren't able to do that anymore. Here are the things you can do to comfort yourself and remind them of their comforts like a lovey etc.

For us, schedule shifts during toddler times helped and honestly we've always just responded at night right away. I have found both our kids just sometimes go through phases where they need a little connection at night. Need a reminder that mom and dad are here don't worry. It is usually quick. and the phase usually ends.

And for having trouble going to sleep at night for us usually that has meant they need to go to bed a tad later.

Anonymous wrote:Op here - have been trying to get her to sleep tonight without rocking her to sleep and she’s been crying for 40 minutes already. It’s so painful.

So DONT DO IT. Sometimes I am amazed at how parents think all kids need the same thing and will respond the same way. If you have to keep retraining them, then it just seems cruel to me. They have needs- even when its nighttime- even if those needs are a hug. he/she could be having nightmare, gas, etc. and y'all just sit there and listen to them cry....because one day it will stop?

Op here - have been trying to get her to sleep tonight without rocking her to sleep and she’s been crying for 40 minutes already. It’s so painful.

One thing I wish was emphasized more is how interventions can make the cry it out so much worse. You really want to go in right away, or not. I think the check ins and stuff make everything so much harder.

Anonymous wrote:Why are they crying? ours usually went through things like a growth spurt and needed a snack, diaper change, etc.

We do always check for diaper needs. Think part of it could be teething pain as well.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like sleep needs have changed and not enough sleep pressure if bedtime is a struggle and you’re having split nights (middle of night wake ups where they’re awake a long time). I’d do a later bedtime by a half hour consistently for a week and see if that fixes it.

Are they still napping? Dropping nap could also help.

At 18 months? No, an 18 month old should not be dropping nap.

Oops you are very right. I missed that they are 18 months. But the rest of my comment stands. Sleep needs constantly change and do a major shift around 18-24 months. Split nights and bed struggles are usually an indication of sleep needs decreasing. Trying a later bedtime or shorter nap for a week is much easier than CIO, in my opinion.

Why are they crying? ours usually went through things like a growth spurt and needed a snack, diaper change, etc.