Let's say you have a box or a bag. Look inside. Don't pull stuff out, look inside. Pull out something only if you notice it in particular and want a closer look. Otherwise "the default" is everything stays in the box. The box is thrown out or put into a donation bin.

Anonymous wrote:Have a read of this:

https://reviewed.usatoday.com/accessibility/features/swedish-death-cleaning-method-how-declutter-kindness

Nice article/approach and aligned with what I'm trying to do. My mom struggles to get rid of things. My siblings and I, for a long time, were contaminated by her thinking. We had a blow up about it some years ago because I felt like I didn't have room in my house for stuff I wanted because I had too much of other people's stuff.

After going to a bunch of estate sales, I realized that so, so much of the stuff isn't wanted and I didn't want my kids to have to deal with it. I try to get rid of a big bin of stuff every month. Every time I waver, I think about an estate sale.....

My husband and I are both only children. When our parents passed away and we cleaned out their houses, we found ourselves in possession of tons of family photos and papers spanning 4 generations and 100+ years. I don’t have any problem getting rid of my clutter, but I really hesitate to throw out my grandparents’ journals and letters from the early 1900s. Am I being irrational? It just feels like we’re dumping irreplaceable historical items.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Several years ago my parents announced before thanksgiving that they were no longer storing our childhood stuff and that anything other than photo albums still in their house on New Year’s Day was assumed to be stuff we want them to get rid of. Each of us took the stuff that was most important to us.

My MIL accumulated boxes and boxes of my husband’s childhood things— and then dumped them all into our basement when she finally moved out of their childhood home. My DH is the least sentimental guy ever, and why would I care about DH’s childhood things?? One or two pics, fine, but not boxes of stuff!!

Oh man, same with mine. Old area rugs, old furniture, boxes of magazines, books and toys even his old toy box. All dropped off a load here and a load there. Unfortunately my husband then feels obligated to keep that crap. He never plays with his old toys, listens to his parents' old record albums, flips through old magazines or that multi volume set of children's encyclopedias - which you literally can not give away now. They are heavy and take up space. And they are NOT worth fighting over.

I've told him flat out that our kids will not want that stuff. He needs to choose a few special things and get rid of the rest.

Why parents do this kind of thing to their adult children is beyond me. It's diabolical.

As far as genealogy, pictures, family mementos - I'm doing what I can to organize and LABEL what we have. If I don't know what it was or who it belonged to, I don't keep it. That stuff is meaningless without the context. Don't dump off boxes of important family stuff if it's just in a jumble and I have no idea what it is.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For my adult sons who left weekend type clothes in their dressers and closets… I lined them up on a flat surface (aka their bed), snapped a photo, and asked what they really wanted/needed to keep. They gave me the go ahead to donate 95% of it, Basically, they were too lazy/busy to handle this while visiting, so I handled it my way. End result : Empty closets and drawers.

This is what I did with my eldest's things. I took pictures - are you keeping these tee shirts? Do you still want these shoes?, etc. And in one day I was able to make a sizable dent in his room.

I'm going to use this approach with the family game room - old video games that I know they haven't played in a long time. We still have Legos and Nerf guns that they surely do not need anymore. Lots of books, too.

Legos sell SO fast on Facebook marketplace. Take a picture and just post it. I really liked buying an assortment to start my kids off. Some people sell by the pound but their stuff doesn’t move as fast.

Anonymous wrote:For my adult sons who left weekend type clothes in their dressers and closets… I lined them up on a flat surface (aka their bed), snapped a photo, and asked what they really wanted/needed to keep. They gave me the go ahead to donate 95% of it, Basically, they were too lazy/busy to handle this while visiting, so I handled it my way. End result : Empty closets and drawers.

This is what I did with my eldest's things. I took pictures - are you keeping these tee shirts? Do you still want these shoes?, etc. And in one day I was able to make a sizable dent in his room.

I'm going to use this approach with the family game room - old video games that I know they haven't played in a long time. We still have Legos and Nerf guns that they surely do not need anymore. Lots of books, too.

Anonymous wrote:Several years ago my parents announced before thanksgiving that they were no longer storing our childhood stuff and that anything other than photo albums still in their house on New Year’s Day was assumed to be stuff we want them to get rid of. Each of us took the stuff that was most important to us.

My MIL accumulated boxes and boxes of my husband’s childhood things— and then dumped them all into our basement when she finally moved out of their childhood home. My DH is the least sentimental guy ever, and why would I care about DH’s childhood things?? One or two pics, fine, but not boxes of stuff!!

For my adult sons who left weekend type clothes in their dressers and closets… I lined them up on a flat surface (aka their bed), snapped a photo, and asked what they really wanted/needed to keep. They gave me the go ahead to donate 95% of it, Basically, they were too lazy/busy to handle this while visiting, so I handled it my way. End result : Empty closets and drawers.

Several years ago my parents announced before thanksgiving that they were no longer storing our childhood stuff and that anything other than photo albums still in their house on New Year’s Day was assumed to be stuff we want them to get rid of. Each of us took the stuff that was most important to us.

Anonymous wrote:OP, I know it is hard. I've been working on clearing out Mom's house for 5 years.

I find the pomodoro technique helpful.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pomodoro_Technique

Set your cell phone timer for 25 minutes. Work on the task for 25 minutes. Stop. Continue tomorrow for another 25 minutes. etc.

Work on the non emotional stuff first.

I spent the summer helping my mom go through her parents things after the 15 years taking up her downstairs.

We found the Pomodoro method helped. We even set up a TV so we could watch a BBC mysteries.

We made faster progress doing the non-emotional stuff first. We set aside 1 area to hold the things that triggered strong memories. Then at the end she was able to look at all of the emotionally charged things and pick her favorites. She has a few things to frame etc.

Anxiety was one of the big issues, she was afraid of forgetting, so this approach worked better for her.

Good luck- this is such emotionally wrenching work.

Anonymous wrote:It’s a hard conversation but how long do you think your grandfather’s framed high school diploma needs to be hanging around? I would argue it was framed for him to enjoy while he was alive. It has done its job. You can let go of it.

That is a very valuable way to look at things. Thank you for this.

I would trash it all. It’s such a relief to see all that stuff go into recycling bins.

OP, I know it is hard. I've been working on clearing out Mom's house for 5 years.

I find the pomodoro technique helpful.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pomodoro_Technique

Set your cell phone timer for 25 minutes. Work on the task for 25 minutes. Stop. Continue tomorrow for another 25 minutes. etc.

Work on the non emotional stuff first.

Have a read of this:

https://reviewed.usatoday.com/accessibility/features/swedish-death-cleaning-method-how-declutter-kindness

Remember that spark joy thing. It really helps in these situations.