Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t ever check my 15 year old’s phone. I stopped before high school. He’s pretty open about things and I know a lot of friends are drinking, doing drugs and even driving without a license. I know some of their parents know but I know my kid has also tried drugs and alcohol. We are trying to keep the lines of communication open and think that’s more effective than checking phones. I can’t keep up with what apps they use to communicate. They aren’t texting.

As for the other stuff, we stopped allowing sleepovers many years ago. We sleep with our car keys in our bedroom. I don’t think he’s leaving in the night since I’m the lighter sleeper in the house.

Your kid is only 15 and has already tried alcohol and drugs and you don’t look at his phone ever? You don’t think he is sneaking out but you aren’t even sure? What about girls, sex, bullying, harassment, or getting in cars with drinkers, etc… You think a 15yr old boy tells the truth to his parents. He told you every time he tried things or made mistakes. His friends are the bad ones but he isn’t? Come on!!!

I’m not a troll. I think a lot of sophomores have tried alcohol or vapes. You are the clueless ones if you think this isn’t common. It’s a blessing and a curse that my kid tells us a lot. No, he’s not perfect at all. But I’m a realist and know the things you are checking on the phone aren’t likely the apps where they do their primary communication. The second you start demanding to see Snapchat they will change the settings and you won’t even know what you aren’t seeing.

+2 My 15 year old honors and AP student is also drinking and smoking weed at parties or hanging our with friends. Yes, we have caught him. All of his friends are also doing this. These are boys from homes with engaged parents and HHI, active in school, sports, good grades. They all think weed is much more tame than alcohol. I don’t know about vaping. I thought that wasn’t as popular anymore. Those nicotine pouch things (zin?) are everywhere though.

I have an 18 year old. I have never checked her phone, at least not since she was maybe 14 or so. These kids will be adults soon. Our job is to encourage them to make good decisions and become good humans. I don’t think constant external monitoring is the way to do that. We are trying to build morals and character.

I didn’t check either of my teens phones but they aren’t sneaky by nature. They tell me which kids are drinking or vaping. One is pretty introverted and doesn’t like going to parties so these are mostly based on Snapchat stories. The other is more popular and she has told me the lengths some of her friends go to hiding stuff from their parents. She had a bit of trouble but I heard about it immediately and directly from her.

I’m not against doing it if they had mood or behavior changes. It really depends on your kid.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t ever check my 15 year old’s phone. I stopped before high school. He’s pretty open about things and I know a lot of friends are drinking, doing drugs and even driving without a license. I know some of their parents know but I know my kid has also tried drugs and alcohol. We are trying to keep the lines of communication open and think that’s more effective than checking phones. I can’t keep up with what apps they use to communicate. They aren’t texting.

As for the other stuff, we stopped allowing sleepovers many years ago. We sleep with our car keys in our bedroom. I don’t think he’s leaving in the night since I’m the lighter sleeper in the house.

Yikes, I hope you’re a troll!

I don't think she is a troll. I certainly think what she is doing is more effective than checking text messages. If she were regularly checking, kid would just change phone behavior or hide it better. Her method involves communication and action.

People who think checking phones is the best line of defense are the clueless ones.

If what she's doing is effective, why is her kid so shitty?

This was unnecessarily mean. A kid who had tried alcohol or drugs isn't "sh!tty." He's a kid. She knows what her kid has done even without going through his phone. Open communication will always be the best method.

Good parenting doesn't guarantee your kid will never screw up. Doesn't even guarantee your kid won't grow up to be a nasty tw@t on the internet. I have a 16 year old uber nerd type kid who hasn't dabbled yet, but it's not some triumph of my parenting.

Anonymous wrote:This comment section is exactly why teens are the way they are now. Shocking

And for the idiot who thinks almost all sophomores have vaped, drugs or drank, you are clearly wrong. It’s embarrassing.

13% of girls have had a drink
19% of boys have had a drink
14% have tried vaping
9% of boys tried weed
6% of girls tried weed

THANK YOU! So sick of hearing “everyone is doing it!” when in fact they aren’t. It’s small groups of problematic entitled kids in every school. They have the parents that turn a blind eye.

And teen sex is way down too. But nudes and sexting are sky high.

I have an 11yo not a teen and she’s not glued to her phone. I check it weekly approx though, she doesn’t know. I don’t want her hiding or deleting stuff. I’ve seen stuff that surprised me…. But I’m not mentioning it. It’s not a safety or bullying issue.

OP,

First, a lot of teens lie for self-aggrandizement on social media.

Now that's out of the way, here's what's really important -

The next few years are going to very rough for you if you don't accept right now, that some parents of teens are entirely hands-free. For whatever reason: they're too busy with their careers and adults lives, they've given up on parenting teens, they think teens should make their own mistakes, they're reliving the glory days of their youths, or maybe their teens are especially adventurous and rebellious. You cannot physically control a teen, and the money/car keys/phone bill is only a pale proxy of control.

So these parents are out there, dealing with whatever.

You have to parent your kids the way you see fit, and hope that all these years of building trust and instilling your values will protect them from harm. Keep lines of communication open. It's a fine line for some adventurous kids, so KNOW YOUR OWN KID, and how far you can go with each of them!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t ever check my 15 year old’s phone. I stopped before high school. He’s pretty open about things and I know a lot of friends are drinking, doing drugs and even driving without a license. I know some of their parents know but I know my kid has also tried drugs and alcohol. We are trying to keep the lines of communication open and think that’s more effective than checking phones. I can’t keep up with what apps they use to communicate. They aren’t texting.

As for the other stuff, we stopped allowing sleepovers many years ago. We sleep with our car keys in our bedroom. I don’t think he’s leaving in the night since I’m the lighter sleeper in the house.

Your kid is only 15 and has already tried alcohol and drugs and you don’t look at his phone ever? You don’t think he is sneaking out but you aren’t even sure? What about girls, sex, bullying, harassment, or getting in cars with drinkers, etc… You think a 15yr old boy tells the truth to his parents. He told you every time he tried things or made mistakes. His friends are the bad ones but he isn’t? Come on!!!

Why are you assuming her son is a huge lying ahole? My 15 yr old tells me tons of stuff, AND I check their phone frequently - and pretty much to the letter, they tell me about what is going on. Not all kids are sneaky, lying jerks.

The poster is keeping communication open & taking measures to prevent bad situations (no sleepovers, keeping car keys safe, listening for sneaking out). If you are not tech savvy, that’s a better solution than checking their phones - like they said, you may check texts but not see what they are doing on discord, so it doesn’t give you a full picture. And on top of that, they leave the house every day & you don’t know what they are doing in person.

Checking the phone is one line of defense, I totally agree & do it myself - but keeping communication lines open is 100% the most helpful way to help them.

And yes, many sophomores have tried drinking & vaping. You being shocked by this may mean you are out of touch with what your teenager is doing. Trying it doesn’t mean they are doing it every weekend. My kid is pretty tame & nerdy but yea, a friend’s older sibling has offered them alcohol. HS is when this all happens - trying alcohol, vaping, drugs, sex, etc. Some as a freshman, some as a senior, but you are putting your head in the sand if you think your high schooler has never been offered or tried anything.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t ever check my 15 year old’s phone. I stopped before high school. He’s pretty open about things and I know a lot of friends are drinking, doing drugs and even driving without a license. I know some of their parents know but I know my kid has also tried drugs and alcohol. We are trying to keep the lines of communication open and think that’s more effective than checking phones. I can’t keep up with what apps they use to communicate. They aren’t texting.

As for the other stuff, we stopped allowing sleepovers many years ago. We sleep with our car keys in our bedroom. I don’t think he’s leaving in the night since I’m the lighter sleeper in the house.

Yikes, I hope you’re a troll!

I don't think she is a troll. I certainly think what she is doing is more effective than checking text messages. If she were regularly checking, kid would just change phone behavior or hide it better. Her method involves communication and action.

People who think checking phones is the best line of defense are the clueless ones.

If what she's doing is effective, why is her kid so shitty?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t ever check my 15 year old’s phone. I stopped before high school. He’s pretty open about things and I know a lot of friends are drinking, doing drugs and even driving without a license. I know some of their parents know but I know my kid has also tried drugs and alcohol. We are trying to keep the lines of communication open and think that’s more effective than checking phones. I can’t keep up with what apps they use to communicate. They aren’t texting.

As for the other stuff, we stopped allowing sleepovers many years ago. We sleep with our car keys in our bedroom. I don’t think he’s leaving in the night since I’m the lighter sleeper in the house.

Your kid is only 15 and has already tried alcohol and drugs and you don’t look at his phone ever? You don’t think he is sneaking out but you aren’t even sure? What about girls, sex, bullying, harassment, or getting in cars with drinkers, etc… You think a 15yr old boy tells the truth to his parents. He told you every time he tried things or made mistakes. His friends are the bad ones but he isn’t? Come on!!!

I’m not a troll. I think a lot of sophomores have tried alcohol or vapes. You are the clueless ones if you think this isn’t common. It’s a blessing and a curse that my kid tells us a lot. No, he’s not perfect at all. But I’m a realist and know the things you are checking on the phone aren’t likely the apps where they do their primary communication. The second you start demanding to see Snapchat they will change the settings and you won’t even know what you aren’t seeing.

You're a cool mom and your kid is a ringleader. Soon, you'll be a grandma and/or visiting Jr in the pen.

I firmly believe in checking my teens phones. That is how I learned that my daughter was suicidal and self-injuring. From the outside she was a high honor roll student excelling in two sports that she loved, and popular. She was 13. My friend checked her son’s phone when he was 16 after not checking before. That’s how she found out he was meeting a man at a motel the next day. She got the police involved and it turned out that he was a pedophile with pictures of 200+ boys. He died in prison of AIDS. That boy was suicidal for years and still struggles with self-medicating. He’s 25 now.

I check and some of it is shocking. There are girls that just throw themselves at guys and send nudes or sexy pics like nothing. There are guys body shaming girls on their social media accounts. I have seen posts of kids at 3am in ubers and family cars. I have seen terrible language and a lot of hate. But thankfully the majority of the kids are not doing those things. I know which of my kids friends are the fun friends and good friends. I know to be on guard when they are with certain kids because of look thru the phone.

Another helpful tip is looking thru deleted photos and text messages as well as personal and for your eyes only sections in snap. And also seeing who is on their best friends list.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t ever check my 15 year old’s phone. I stopped before high school. He’s pretty open about things and I know a lot of friends are drinking, doing drugs and even driving without a license. I know some of their parents know but I know my kid has also tried drugs and alcohol. We are trying to keep the lines of communication open and think that’s more effective than checking phones. I can’t keep up with what apps they use to communicate. They aren’t texting.

As for the other stuff, we stopped allowing sleepovers many years ago. We sleep with our car keys in our bedroom. I don’t think he’s leaving in the night since I’m the lighter sleeper in the house.

Yikes, I hope you’re a troll!

I don't think she is a troll. I certainly think what she is doing is more effective than checking text messages. If she were regularly checking, kid would just change phone behavior or hide it better. Her method involves communication and action.

People who think checking phones is the best line of defense are the clueless ones.

No one here said checking phones is the best line of defense. But people here have said when they check phones they are shocked at what they see. So why are so many never caring to check as part of ANY defense.

This comment section is exactly why teens are the way they are now. Shocking

And for the idiot who thinks almost all sophomores have vaped, drugs or drank, you are clearly wrong. It’s embarrassing.

13% of girls have had a drink
19% of boys have had a drink
14% have tried vaping
9% of boys tried weed
6% of girls tried weed

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t ever check my 15 year old’s phone. I stopped before high school. He’s pretty open about things and I know a lot of friends are drinking, doing drugs and even driving without a license. I know some of their parents know but I know my kid has also tried drugs and alcohol. We are trying to keep the lines of communication open and think that’s more effective than checking phones. I can’t keep up with what apps they use to communicate. They aren’t texting.

As for the other stuff, we stopped allowing sleepovers many years ago. We sleep with our car keys in our bedroom. I don’t think he’s leaving in the night since I’m the lighter sleeper in the house.

Yikes, I hope you’re a troll!

I don't think she is a troll. I certainly think what she is doing is more effective than checking text messages. If she were regularly checking, kid would just change phone behavior or hide it better. Her method involves communication and action.

People who think checking phones is the best line of defense are the clueless ones.