Anonymous
Post 10/13/2023 14:14     Subject: Move or stay for senior year
I was raised in a military family. We moved as a whole family unit every time, even for a one year assignment. I went to 3 different high schools.
But.
I went to the same high school for junior and senior year, and my parents had always known that they would NOT make me or my sister move between junior and senior year.
My DH (non-military) family moved him between junior and senior year. It really messed him up. Twenty years later, his parents say they really regret not working out something so DH could stay for his senior year. Like, they spontaneously offered it's one of their biggest lifetime regrets.
I sympathize that it's challenging, OP, but on the pro/con list, the best choice is clear.
Anonymous
Post 10/13/2023 14:02     Subject: Move or stay for senior year
Anonymous wrote:I am fascinated by OPs situation-- resident of one state but living in another state which generates sufficient tax savings to pay for private school?


Ex: Living in MD and both parents are residents of FL.
Anonymous
Post 10/13/2023 14:00     Subject: Move or stay for senior year
Anonymous wrote:What if we financially can't handle private if he moves alone? It was a stretch now, which I didn't want to mention, because I know that's not acceptable in DCUM-land.


You don't know the art of garnering sympathy online, OP. You should have mentioned first that this is a military move. Then that private is a stretch. Most of us on DCUM put our kids in public, even though the majority are pretty well-off.

Finally, in all that, you never mentioned HOW YOUR CHILD FEELS ABOUT THIS. Big red flag that you're not all that as a parent.

My advice to you is to:
1. Start prioritizing your child.. If the move can't be helped, then she will need moral support to get through this difficult period, since she won't be able to rely on friends at school during fall of senior year, which is the most stressful period of all.
2. You're not the type to hire a private college counselor, so BE the college counselor. I hope you have the wherewithal to write every deadline on a whiteboard: when to request letters of recommendation from the old school, when to request transcripts from both schools, when to send SAT/ACT scores if applicable, so that everything arrives before the deadlines. If she needs help with her essays, read them over, don't write them for her. They have to be her voice - college admissions officers are good at spotting that. Etc, etc.
3. I hope you've figured out how to pay for college, in all this mess. My son's in-state flagship is 30K, and he goes to an 85K a year private uni.

Sorry for being harsh, but this raises my hackles. It's not good parenting.
Anonymous
Post 10/13/2023 14:00     Subject: Move or stay for senior year
Anonymous wrote:I am fascinated by OPs situation-- resident of one state but living in another state which generates sufficient tax savings to pay for private school?


Look around at the Alaska plates in NoVa. Those are military officers who pay no state income tax and receive a dividend from the state every year.
Anonymous
Post 10/13/2023 14:00     Subject: Move or stay for senior year
How about if you don't put money or college before your kid's well being? We don't know your kid but you do. You already said it would be a rough move. I know my kid would not like this. We lived apart from Jan - June because I wanted one of my kids to finish 5th grade and start new at middle school. Teens and tweens are really self aborbed. If this is a major life event along with depression the college process is going to be that much harder.
Anonymous
Post 10/13/2023 13:56     Subject: Move or stay for senior year
Anonymous wrote:What if we financially can't handle private if he moves alone? It was a stretch now, which I didn't want to mention, because I know that's not acceptable in DCUM-land.


The dad can live in BOQ and be the old guy. He'll be able to play pool and video games and have a good time for the school year until the family joins him.
Anonymous
Post 10/13/2023 13:55     Subject: Move or stay for senior year
I am fascinated by OPs situation-- resident of one state but living in another state which generates sufficient tax savings to pay for private school?
Anonymous
Post 10/13/2023 13:53     Subject: Move or stay for senior year
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Do not move her for her senior year. Is there someone she could live with for that year?


And yes, esp for a family affording private, her interests come ahead of the tax implications.


We can afford private (only $12k a year, by the way) because of the tax savings.


And presumably you knew there was a possibility he would be posted while child was in private HS?

Kid stays. Dad goes. You figure it out. Child’s interest trumps.
Anonymous
Post 10/13/2023 13:50     Subject: Move or stay for senior year
Anonymous wrote:What if we financially can't handle private if he moves alone? It was a stretch now, which I didn't want to mention, because I know that's not acceptable in DCUM-land.[/quote

Have him rent a room. Sell the house in the first state and the people staying behind get an apartment zoned for the same HS. or even stay close enough or time selling the house so the student can stay and finish out the year in her current school.
Anonymous
Post 10/13/2023 13:50     Subject: Move or stay for senior year
It depends -
Does your child have an idea on where they want to go to college? For some state schools teacher recommendations are optional and the move will not impact the process in a material manner.
Given it is military, I would start talking to the current school now and see how they can commit to support her. Example - can you collaborate to get letters of recommendations prepared in the spring.

Good luck
Anonymous
Post 10/13/2023 13:48     Subject: Move or stay for senior year
You do not move her. He, only, moves
Anonymous
Post 10/13/2023 13:48     Subject: Move or stay for senior year
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:My father refused all offers and pressure to move during my high school years.


His father doesn't have a choice.

I know it's stressful to move in high school. But it'll be financially stressful on us to become residents of the state we live in now and to maintain separate households. It'll be stressful to not see her dad for a year. I can't decide which is worse.


You should have clarified in your first post, OP, whether your husband has a choice or not. And as someone else said, even when you think you don't have a choice, you actually do.

You'll have to break down the numbers for us, but between changing schools, or spending a year without their father, my teens would 100% choose to stay at their school!!!
Maybe your finances don't work like that.

Honestly, if finances are that much of a problem, are you sure that you can afford out of state universities? Does it come out of a different pot?
Anonymous
Post 10/13/2023 13:47     Subject: Move or stay for senior year
We moved our kid last year right before his junior year. Honestly, it was the best thing that ever happened to him. And it gave him something to write his college essay about. Moving before senior year may be a bit harder. Only you know your kid and whether they can handle this.
Anonymous
Post 10/13/2023 13:47     Subject: Move or stay for senior year
What if we financially can't handle private if he moves alone? It was a stretch now, which I didn't want to mention, because I know that's not acceptable in DCUM-land.
Anonymous
Post 10/13/2023 13:47     Subject: Move or stay for senior year
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:My father refused all offers and pressure to move during my high school years. I did not, and would not, consider moving during my children's high school years. Continuity between 11th and 12th grade is very important, to minimize stress, running after different transcripts, and to ensure all letters of recommendations can be received by colleges/universities before the early action Nov 1st deadline. Typically letters are requested of 11th grade teachers, written at the end of that year, or the summer.

Colleges know that families move, that's not the problem. The College Board doesn't care where she's registered to take her AP exams. Our public school system starts enrolling existing students in next year's courses in January, and sometimes students can't get their preferred courses because they're full. If she can't get into the AP classes she wants, what is the plan? Some of them can be self-studied, others not at all.

I think you're just piling on unnecessary stress on this poor kid. You should have planned better. You can also think about hiring a private college counselor to help you deal with all the moving parts, but their slots for juniors and seniors are minimal (they prefer working with 9th graders).


This is what all decent parents would do, if they aren’t dirt poor or in a national security job or something (if the President comes calling…). Otherwise, nope, that’s an awful way to end your child’s childhood and the last year you’ll have with them. Assuming of course, as a PP said, your child hates their current school and wants to move.


So a decent parent would ignore military orders? He can't retire yet.


Don’t let DCUM nutsos push you around. I’m sorry you are in this spot. Whatever you decide, she will be okay. It is one year, and while an important one, this does happen and it works out okay. Thank you for your family’s sacrifice.