Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Following up, I wonder how much of it is a class thing. Our kids attended a title one school in DC and we honestly never saw any kind of behavior like that. All of the kids were polite and respectful at all times.

I suspect what you are seeing is the result of over privileged children being spoiled. And I wonder if your own kids fall into the same category but you just can’t see it. It wouldn’t surprise me.

+1

Unfortunately, I agree with some of this. I have noticed this with kids who are spoiled and privileged. The parents are blind and don't think their kids would ever act like that but they do. They feel entitled.

Totally a privilege thing. My kid goes to a private school that primarily draws students from a very fancy neighborhood. I’m sad to say that 80% of her classmates are obnoxious and spoiled and the parents look the other way. It disgusts me to see how they act at local stores after school when still in uniform.

Her favorite friends (and mine!) are definitely true middle class and have very strict parents. I take her to a few extracurriculars at distant locations because the kids are nicer in more mixed parts of town.

Anonymous wrote:If kids go into the fridge or pantry without asking the first time I tell them "In this house, guests need to ask an adult who lives here if they want something to eat or drink."

The second time I tell them "Remember what I said about asking if you want something? If you continue to help yourself you won't be invited back."

If they do it again they're never welcome back. My kids know they have "school friends" who they can enjoy playing with at school but aren't welcome at our house because they won't follow rules. Thems the breaks. Actions have consequences.

Yikes. You sound very scary and controlling. Sure it’s impolite for a child to start rooting around your kitchen, but I would bet a lot that they’re scared to ask your permission since you sound very cold and rigid. Maybe they thought it was rude to interrupt whatever you were doing or maybe they were starving but you didn’t offer them anything. They were looking for goldfish, not vaping in your bathroom for goodness sake.

Anonymous wrote:“ when you are at my house, you need to wait for me to hand out snacks.” “ when you are with me I expect. X type of behavior.”

Don’t tiptoe around behavior, address it firmly and head on.

Also a Girl Scout leader and I use this type of language a lot. I'm very firm and direct with expectations, and if I see unkind or exclusive behavior we pull out the Girl Scout law and review what it means to live it in our words and actions. If I had parents enabling that behavior, they would no longer be welcome at my meetings. I've had my troop for 4 years now and the girls still love it, so hopefully I'm striking the right balance!

If your kid values these friendships, The best thing you can do is see the good in these kids, like them, be kind to them so they know you are on their team, and be firm about the boundaries that matter. I’d let snack stuff go or just head it off by leaving snacks out for grabs. Focus on back talk and manners. If it were me I’d say “I want you all to have fun but if I overhear unkind language then whoever said it is going to come sit with me for a minute.” My kid included. It is more about teaching the expectations and showing that you follow through - you will not see an instant behavior change.

If your kid does not like hanging out with these kids I’d take another approach of having her back and not forcing her to hang out.

Kids respond best to loving but firm rules from adults who want them to succeed and believe in their ability to be better.

I enforce manners with my kids but I’m 100% sure they forget them when they are at other people’s houses. It’s a constant reminder while they are learning, so I would keep gently reinforcing for kids visiting your house or at carpool. Their parents may be working on it, and if they are there and listening sometimes they may be trying to see if having another parent say something will finally help or stick (or perhaps picking up tips on what to say).

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Following up, I wonder how much of it is a class thing. Our kids attended a title one school in DC and we honestly never saw any kind of behavior like that. All of the kids were polite and respectful at all times.

I suspect what you are seeing is the result of over privileged children being spoiled. And I wonder if your own kids fall into the same category but you just can’t see it. It wouldn’t surprise me.

+1

Unfortunately, I agree with some of this. I have noticed this with kids who are spoiled and privileged. The parents are blind and don't think their kids would ever act like that but they do. They feel entitled.

Guess it's time to cut funding to Title 1 schools and divert funds to help the other schools and the kids who are obviously in need of counseling and support. Glad that problem got solved!

They don’t need additional funding. They need parents to stop fawning all over them.

Anonymous wrote: am the OP - definitely not claiming my kids are angels. I spend a lot of time working with them on behavior and manners and such and I would never say they are perfect.

The kids referenced in the OP are acting out on my watch in my house and don't respond to correction. I also encounter kids who do this stuff in front of their parents, who ignore it or, as PPs have said, seem to think it's precocious or cute. It's neither.

Yep. It’s a class thing. I’m telling you, y’all think you’ve given birth to the Christ Child.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think kids with older siblings are a lot ruder and obnoxious than onlys or oldest kids. Just an observation.

+1 It's like "age appropriate" behavior gets fast-forwarded or something. Every kid who has ever taught mine a swear word, or sassy mannerism, or rude behavior, has big siblings at home. It makes sense but it's still frustrating.

My 7yo is picking up a lot from her bestie who has an 11yo big sister.

And from TV. They watch on weekend mornings and it seems like every week I’m adding shows to the “not okay” list.

Too true. Even Bluey is kind of a jerk sometimes.

Bluey is great but I would like to erase the two Unicorse episodes from existence, please and thank you.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Following up, I wonder how much of it is a class thing. Our kids attended a title one school in DC and we honestly never saw any kind of behavior like that. All of the kids were polite and respectful at all times.

I suspect what you are seeing is the result of over privileged children being spoiled. And I wonder if your own kids fall into the same category but you just can’t see it. It wouldn’t surprise me.

+1

Unfortunately, I agree with some of this. I have noticed this with kids who are spoiled and privileged. The parents are blind and don't think their kids would ever act like that but they do. They feel entitled.

Guess it's time to cut funding to Title 1 schools and divert funds to help the other schools and the kids who are obviously in need of counseling and support. Glad that problem got solved!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think kids with older siblings are a lot ruder and obnoxious than onlys or oldest kids. Just an observation.

+1 It's like "age appropriate" behavior gets fast-forwarded or something. Every kid who has ever taught mine a swear word, or sassy mannerism, or rude behavior, has big siblings at home. It makes sense but it's still frustrating.

My 7yo is picking up a lot from her bestie who has an 11yo big sister.

And from TV. They watch on weekend mornings and it seems like every week I’m adding shows to the “not okay” list.

Too true. Even Bluey is kind of a jerk sometimes.

am the OP - definitely not claiming my kids are angels. I spend a lot of time working with them on behavior and manners and such and I would never say they are perfect.

The kids referenced in the OP are acting out on my watch in my house and don't respond to correction. I also encounter kids who do this stuff in front of their parents, who ignore it or, as PPs have said, seem to think it's precocious or cute. It's neither.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think kids with older siblings are a lot ruder and obnoxious than onlys or oldest kids. Just an observation.

+1 It's like "age appropriate" behavior gets fast-forwarded or something. Every kid who has ever taught mine a swear word, or sassy mannerism, or rude behavior, has big siblings at home. It makes sense but it's still frustrating.

My 7yo is picking up a lot from her bestie who has an 11yo big sister.

And from TV. They watch on weekend mornings and it seems like every week I’m adding shows to the “not okay” list.

Anonymous wrote:Following up, I wonder how much of it is a class thing. Our kids attended a title one school in DC and we honestly never saw any kind of behavior like that. All of the kids were polite and respectful at all times.

I suspect what you are seeing is the result of over privileged children being spoiled. And I wonder if your own kids fall into the same category but you just can’t see it. It wouldn’t surprise me.

+1

Unfortunately, I agree with some of this. I have noticed this with kids who are spoiled and privileged. The parents are blind and don't think their kids would ever act like that but they do. They feel entitled.

Anonymous wrote:Somehow, I doubt all of your own kids are perfect little angels

I don't think anyone here is claiming their kids are angels including me. But, when my kids act up and an adult talks to them, they listen and are respectful.

I also have conversations with my kids when I see them act up. As parents, we need to do better. Many of these parents are volunteers, they are not paid. Most of these parents of kids who act up, never volunteer. They have no idea what it is like.

The problem is, they think their kids are cute, they are NOT!

Anonymous wrote:Somehow, I doubt all of your own kids are perfect little angels

There is no such thing as a perfect child. Kids and adults, we all make mistakes. But some kids are rude and it goes beyond the norm.