Anonymous
Post 10/11/2023 14:01     Subject: I'm a minimalist. I like things neat and tidy! (text messages)
He hooked onto one of the many YouTubers that preach this lifestyle. Minimalism , Monk Mode etc.

Anonymous
Post 10/11/2023 10:35     Subject: Re:I'm a minimalist. I like things neat and tidy! (text messages)
Can't speak for your kid, but I do this. I hate clutter. I delete everything and have absolutely nothing to hide. DH is pretty much the opposite to the point that he'll have 306 notifications at the top (that he will not check or clear), and when I see it, it drives me nuts! However, all that I delete can be seen in my trash for 30 days before it is permanently deleted on its own. I think if people are deleting from trash, then they could be trying to hide something.
Anonymous
Post 10/11/2023 10:33     Subject: I'm a minimalist. I like things neat and tidy! (text messages)
I think he should be able to keep his phone how he wants it and if he wants to delete, he wants to delete. my husband is infuriating - he always deletes his emails and then I have to resend him things when he realizes he actually did need that info. I don't have life 360 but I feel like if you really didn't trust your son there are apps to help you review his deleted texts.
Anonymous
Post 10/11/2023 10:29     Subject: I'm a minimalist. I like things neat and tidy! (text messages)
Anonymous wrote:He's right. This modern idea of recording every stray thought for posterity is cruel.

Show us recordings of all your conversations from your teenage years, or back off.


If someone was ordered by the court to stay away from your 13 year old, and was violating that order, you'd back off?
Anonymous
Post 10/11/2023 10:17     Subject: I'm a minimalist. I like things neat and tidy! (text messages)
He's right. This modern idea of recording every stray thought for posterity is cruel.

Show us recordings of all your conversations from your teenage years, or back off.
Anonymous
Post 10/11/2023 10:15     Subject: I'm a minimalist. I like things neat and tidy! (text messages)
Anonymous wrote:OP, are you divorced, and are the text messages potentially from his Dad?


I don't want to get into specific details, that would make my kid more identifiable to readers of this thread than he already is.
Anonymous
Post 10/11/2023 09:57     Subject: I'm a minimalist. I like things neat and tidy! (text messages)
OP, are you divorced, and are the text messages potentially from his Dad?
Anonymous
Post 10/11/2023 09:16     Subject: I'm a minimalist. I like things neat and tidy! (text messages)
Deleted message’s didn’t work for us, he double deletes.

If I get an iPad to mirror his phone, and he deletes on the phone, will it delete on the iPad? Does anyone know?
Anonymous
Post 10/11/2023 08:57     Subject: I'm a minimalist. I like things neat and tidy! (text messages)
Anonymous wrote:He can do what he wants when he’s an adult. But now, I would honestly say he can’t delete things and if he does, he loses the phone. Even if the reason he’s deleting is not for a nefarious reason.


In order for me to say that, I need to know when he is deleting. I mean I can stop him from deleting texts from Grandma and his brother and me since I can figure out when those are sent and that they are missing, but if his goal is to hide something, I need a way to monitor.

I also can’t take away his phone altogether for safety reasons.
Anonymous
Post 10/11/2023 08:35     Subject: I'm a minimalist. I like things neat and tidy! (text messages)
He can do what he wants when he’s an adult. But now, I would honestly say he can’t delete things and if he does, he loses the phone. Even if the reason he’s deleting is not for a nefarious reason.
Anonymous
Post 10/10/2023 22:25     Subject: I'm a minimalist. I like things neat and tidy! (text messages)
You can install Bark but it's a pain to use and will send you alerts for every little thing.
Anonymous
Post 10/10/2023 22:17     Subject: I'm a minimalist. I like things neat and tidy! (text messages)
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:If you had reason to check his phone & you were concerned…then yes, there is still reason to be concerned.
I don’t know how worried you are, but you can set up an iPad to receive the texts, & then you can review. I did this when my DC was having serious issues.


I am concerned he is communicating with someone who has been abusive to him in the past.

It certainly wasn't reassuring, but it seems weird that if he was just trying to hide that communication, he would delete everything. So, I was asking if deleting everything was a thing.

I checked with his brother because I thought maybe he'd switched over to another app, but his brother has plenty of texts to and from him. So, I know he's using texting. I also checked with my mom. Again, plenty of texts, and he's not deleting "I love you Grandma" to hide it from me.

But my question is how do I get a copy of all his texts.


NSA will have copies.
Anonymous
Post 10/10/2023 22:16     Subject: I'm a minimalist. I like things neat and tidy! (text messages)
Anonymous wrote:If you have an iPad you can use, go to settings - messages and enter his phone number to get the messages sent to/from on the iPad. Then you can see what is sent/received before they are deleted.
Good luck!


I will try that. Thank you!
Anonymous
Post 10/10/2023 22:15     Subject: I'm a minimalist. I like things neat and tidy! (text messages)
Anonymous wrote:Curious...what would you do IF you did find and read those deleted texts?
Would that shatter all trust between both of you; especially going forward? Remember, you've just started the realm of teen years and shattered trust is not good.

And what do you mean by "abuse" from someone? Like bullying? Inappropriate photos?


If the adult involved is in contact with him, it would be a violation of a protective order, so I would file for contempt.

Abuse is also not good.
Anonymous
Post 10/10/2023 22:14     Subject: I'm a minimalist. I like things neat and tidy! (text messages)
If you have an iPad you can use, go to settings - messages and enter his phone number to get the messages sent to/from on the iPad. Then you can see what is sent/received before they are deleted.
Good luck!