My girls are 8.5 years apart. Close isn’t the right word, but they love each other. They bicker just like any other siblings. But they also frequently wind up sleeping in the same bed. They do movie nights together. The teen picks up her little sister on days I am in the office. The little one is stressing that sissy might be going to college next year (there is a good chance she will wind up at community college, but we’ll see)

I think so much of it is out of parents control, no matter what. Kids are who they are.

I have a sister 18 months younger than me. We did not get along at all as kids. It’s was so bad that my parents completely rearranged our home so we wouldn’t have to share a bedroom anymore. Having separate spaces helped us get along and as adults we are reasonably close, although we live across the country from each other.

I now have two daughters who are similarly close in age and get along like a house on fire! As a parent, I don’t see that I’ve done anything to force that closeness - their personalities, interest, playing style, etc just match up so well! I think COVID helped as they only had each other to play with for a year. We will continue to foster their friendship and we’ll see how it changes into their teen years.

Mixed bag here. My son 10 and daughter have been incredibly close triggered by Covid when they had no one else. But that same daughter tortures her younger sister. But they all love the littlest one.

Anonymous wrote:I have two daughters, 2.5 years apart. They have their own friends and interests, but they are somewhat close. They go into each other’s bedrooms and talk and goof around. They sit together at restaurants and talk and show each other things on their phones. They have sleepovers during Christmas. They are definitely a “pair” in our family. But…they also argue!

I think what you described is normal. Especially for siblings of different genders and with an age gap. I find the older sibling sets the tone.

+1. A lot of it depends on genders, ages, personalities, and you + your spouse. It's also not easier with two kids or three kids as some on DCUM would have you believe. Every dynamic is different. I have three girls with two years between each and they get along well. There is definitely competition and arguing (and there has been since they were really young) but they *get* each other and are very close. They are in the same sports and help one another socially. Personalities are different but they are similar when it comes to being competitive, social, and very kind. I have one sibling who is my gender and close in age and my parents promoted sibling rivalry which was very damaging. I actively do the opposite of what they did.

PS - they were great with each other until 14 and 12 so you know, take the younger years with salt! LOL

But I have great faith they will be alright with each other when older. I have bigger things to worry about than how well they get along because both of them are great kids in their own right. Just very different personalities and that's truly alright.

Anonymous wrote:They are close, but we push that. We will assign two to make dinner together, assign two to clean up after dinner together, assign two to fold a basket of clean clothes, to strip and remake the beds, to clean out the fridge, etc. We also have them all doing homework in the same room. So it's natural for one to ask another to help them study, to ask the others to listen to them give a presentation they have to do at school, etc.

You may think what you are doing has brought them closer but I doubt it. They probably just like each other. We do the same thing and ours don't like each other. It's so funny how much credit parents want to take when their kids do what they want.

I have kids who are self driven and do well academically. I take zero credit. They also fight a lot as they are really different. I take no credit. I mean at a certain age they are going to have their own personalities.

How do you know they won't get closer as adults or will not be as willing to support each other when older? You don't. You have to really observe their personalities and make your family as inclusive and close as can be but ultimately respect them as individuals.

Every family is different but I think it's impossible to control personalities. You should be happy they aren't killing each other and are healthy. What do you want them to be? It's like people who have kids because they want someone to care for them when they get old. There is never a guarantee of that. You have to manage what you're given.

Anonymous wrote:OP, between this thread and your vacation thread and who knows what other thread, you spend a lot of time complaining and wringing your hands about your family. Maybe you should get off of DCUM and spend more quality time with them.

I was upset about the whole situation this morning when kids were at school. Everyone must have felt bad because all the kids were being extra nice to me and so was DH. Both older kids apologized for behaving poorly on our vacation. While we have no travel destination, DH took winter break off from work.

All three kids had sports today. We had a pleasant dinner together and we decorated the house for Halloween. We actually lead a very healthy and productive life. In hindsight, our vacation was not THAT bad, just the last day of our 5 day trip.

I feel your pain, OP. I didn’t become close with my siblings until I was in my 20s. At my house, my son (middle child) gets a long fairly well with both sisters but the two sisters fight or ignore each other. I’m hoping that will change when they are older too.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, between this thread and your vacation thread and who knows what other thread, you spend a lot of time complaining and wringing your hands about your family. Maybe you should get off of DCUM and spend more quality time with them.

That was mean and unnecessary. Two posts do not give a good picture of how good a parent a person is. There are many things out of our control.

We had four kids and traveled the world and they never argued. They were also always friends with each other growing up and still are. So something’s not right.

Anonymous wrote:OP, between this thread and your vacation thread and who knows what other thread, you spend a lot of time complaining and wringing your hands about your family. Maybe you should get off of DCUM and spend more quality time with them.

That was mean and unnecessary. Two posts do not give a good picture of how good a parent a person is. There are many things out of our control.

I have a girl, 8 and boy, 11. They have been best friends since the day my daughter was born. I did nothing to foster this closeness, they just click. Of course they both have their own friends too but they genuinely enjoy hanging out together.

My 3 were always pretty close with some tormenting between my two girls fighting over clothes and other stuff. When my son got married he would have had one of his sisters as best man! They are now all married with kids and they are great friends. They organize their own get to gethers and it makes us so happy. My husband and his siblings are very good friends even though they live far apart.

OP, between this thread and your vacation thread and who knows what other thread, you spend a lot of time complaining and wringing your hands about your family. Maybe you should get off of DCUM and spend more quality time with them.

My oldest and middle are not. My middle and youngest are.

Anonymous wrote:my girls are 2.5 years apart and despite my best efforts can't stand each other. breaks my heart every day

Same, but with boys.