Anonymous
10/12/2023 22:52
Subject: How do they not make the connection between their gossip and my distance?
Anonymous wrote:My ILs, and most of the older generation in my husband’s family (aunts, uncles, cousins) are huge gossips. We’re at a family reunion, and they are picking apart tons of people who aren’t here, including my SIL and her spouse, and even their kids.
I leave the room as much as possible, but it’s a beach house, so there are so many common areas. I also try to turn the conversation in a more positive direction, say nice things about the people being disparaged, or change the subject. But there’s only so much you can do when they just want to go in on people they allegedly love.
They think I’m an aloof, cold person because I don’t engage much. But I refuse to gossip, and that is 90% of their conversation.
How do they not see that the reason why I keep them at arm’s length is because I don’t want to give them any information to use against me? Honestly don’t know what to do, other than keep my guard up and keep my distance.
THEY DON'T CARE ABOUT YOUR OPINION
Anonymous
10/12/2023 22:43
Subject: How do they not make the connection between their gossip and my distance?
We know people like this. "If you don't have anything nice to say ... here, come sit next to me and we'll talk."
Anonymous
10/12/2023 21:17
Subject: How do they not make the connection between their gossip and my distance?
My in laws eventually started to understand this about me. They prefer to understand it as my being “so private!” but they have found ways to talk about other things over the 10+ years I’ve been married to their son. I simply respond to prying questions with “oh I don’t like to discuss health/personal life/other people, it’s old fashioned but I was brought up that it was rude”
Now we talk about current events, travel, books, some crafting, my beautiful children. I am 100% sure they talk about us when I’m not around but…so what?
Now we talk about current events, travel, books, some crafting, my beautiful children. I am 100% sure they talk about us when I’m not around but…so what?
Anonymous
10/12/2023 19:36
Subject: How do they not make the connection between their gossip and my distance?
They suck. Keep out of it. No need for them to understand you. They are talking about you too and if the worst they can say is you’re cold and aloof, that’s not a bad thing.