Anonymous
Post 10/05/2023 14:53     Subject: Serious things you accept to stay marriage
Anonymous wrote:His CRIPPLING ADHD. He can’t handle *anything* without a million reminders and I had to leave my very lucrative career to stay married/manage our life.



Yep. No one in our house is happy. It’s very difficult. I might be done.
Anonymous
Post 10/05/2023 14:32     Subject: Serious things you accept to stay marriage
Living in the United States. Wish I could go home every day, but 23 years later….
Anonymous
Post 10/05/2023 13:58     Subject: Serious things you accept to stay marriage
Anonymous wrote:Being a Nebraska football fan.


Tolerable for the most part as long as he isn't a Tom Osborne fan.
Anonymous
Post 10/05/2023 13:36     Subject: Serious things you accept to stay marriage
Anonymous wrote:His CRIPPLING ADHD. He can’t handle *anything* without a million reminders and I had to leave my very lucrative career to stay married/manage our life.



ADHD here, too.

My career was far more established and successful when we started our relationship, but my DH’s ADHD crippled our family life after kids to the extent that it was a choice between giving up my career vs. getting divorce + taking full custody. If I had living family I would have chosen the latter.

I would do anything to protect my kids and am glad I did, but unfortunately DH and the kids are the ones who benefit from this decision and I’ve sacrificed what I thought were non-negotiables.
Anonymous
Post 10/05/2023 13:10     Subject: Serious things you accept to stay marriage
Anonymous wrote:
To save our finances, meaning our ability to pay for college, provide stability to our children, and launch them in life, I put up with mental illness my spouse refuses to treat, and a total lack of emotional support and physical intimacy.



Are you me?

Oh wait, you’re financially stable. Or at least saving.

Im trying to be funny. But it’s not. Sorry you’re dealing with this too.
Anonymous
Post 10/05/2023 12:57     Subject: Serious things you accept to stay marriage
Anonymous wrote:My career for his. I was in academia and in my particular field, you have to go where the job is. We moved to the area for HIS job and while I spent many years as an adjunct at a few different area schools, I was never able to go after the tenure-track positions because it would require us to move. Now I’m out of academia all together and working a mostly boring Fed job with ok pay, great benefits and job security. I feel like I’ve made sacrifices for other people all my life. As soon as my kids are launched, I’m out of here. DH can come or not.


Did you ever get a TT offer or did you not try? It’s maybe not a given that you would have.
Anonymous
Post 10/05/2023 12:50     Subject: Serious things you accept to stay marriage
Anonymous wrote:Being a Nebraska football fan.


Golf! I finally took it up as I was tired of being a golf widow. And, my husband enjoys playing with me! Who would have thought?
Anonymous
Post 10/05/2023 12:50     Subject: Serious things you accept to stay marriage
—Keeping the AC About 5 degrees too low.
—Somewhat unenthusiastic sex (we have different energy levels and it seems to show up mostly here)
—Waiting (im)patiently for his thoughts to formulate when he speaks
—Sloppy dressing
———-
But all these are minor given that he is a very smart and thoughtful human, a loving husband, and a doting dad to our kids. Wouldn’t trade him for anything.
Anonymous
Post 10/05/2023 12:48     Subject: Serious things you accept to stay marriage
Anonymous wrote:My career for his. I was in academia and in my particular field, you have to go where the job is. We moved to the area for HIS job and while I spent many years as an adjunct at a few different area schools, I was never able to go after the tenure-track positions because it would require us to move. Now I’m out of academia all together and working a mostly boring Fed job with ok pay, great benefits and job security. I feel like I’ve made sacrifices for other people all my life. As soon as my kids are launched, I’m out of here. DH can come or not.


Same here. While I was able to piece together a good career, I know I could have accomplished a lot more. But, my husband has been incredibly successful and loves me dearly, our kids are all succeeding on their own, I’ve started my own small business that fills some needs I have and I’m very happy. A good marriage and family really helps offset some of the career angst.
Anonymous
Post 10/05/2023 12:45     Subject: Serious things you accept to stay marriage
Being a Nebraska football fan.
Anonymous
Post 10/05/2023 12:40     Subject: Re:Serious things you accept to stay marriage
We moved three times in five years for DH job opportunities. It was very stressful with three young kids at the time. But we all survived it and in looking back it was all worth it….just not at the time. Now we have been in the same town for 20 years and we have lived in three homes….all my doing. It drove my husband nuts! Payback!
Anonymous
Post 10/05/2023 12:39     Subject: Serious things you accept to stay marriage
My career for his. I was in academia and in my particular field, you have to go where the job is. We moved to the area for HIS job and while I spent many years as an adjunct at a few different area schools, I was never able to go after the tenure-track positions because it would require us to move. Now I’m out of academia all together and working a mostly boring Fed job with ok pay, great benefits and job security. I feel like I’ve made sacrifices for other people all my life. As soon as my kids are launched, I’m out of here. DH can come or not.
Anonymous
Post 10/05/2023 12:28     Subject: Re:Serious things you accept to stay marriage
I had to get used to him noodling on the piano while we're talking. It drove me nuts in the beginning because I felt like he wasn't paying attention.
Anonymous
Post 10/05/2023 12:26     Subject: Serious things you accept to stay marriage
Avoidant attachment type. Zero emotional intimacy.
Anonymous
Post 10/05/2023 12:08     Subject: Serious things you accept to stay marriage
He will never pull his weight with life admin type tasks.