Anonymous wrote:I forgot to mention the out of control kid has nasty parents who have been rude to me, and the kid is often inappropriate in class, picks fights with my DS, etc:

Teach your kid how to deal with him and step out of playground politics.

Anonymous wrote:What do you do about the 1 or 2 kids in class who pick on and hit or annoy your kid all the time? One is mean to just my DS from what I can tell and is simply bossy to others, the other kid is just out of control (I saw him during pick up and another party and he was spinning on floor, breaking candy dispensing machines, and throwing the birthday decorations around the room.)

Do I have to invite these kids? At the same time I feel badly inviting the whole class except for these one or two kids.

Well, ask yourself what your core values dictate...

FOR ME, my core values are more inclusive and to teach my kids to be kind to people even when they are not kind, to model appropriate behavior. That doesn't mean being taken advantage of, it does give them the foundation to rise above the fray. Therefore, I would invite them. I wouldn't make a huge attempt to ensure they attend, but I definitely would not exclude them.

Your values might be different, so your choice may be different. That's ok too.

When my kids get excluded (mainly because they are shy) they wonder why and I tell them we invite everyone because we value inclusiveness and we can afford it, not everyone has the same resources or values.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What do you do about the 1 or 2 kids in class who pick on and hit or annoy your kid all the time? One is mean to just my DS from what I can tell and is simply bossy to others, the other kid is just out of control (I saw him during pick up and another party and he was spinning on floor, breaking candy dispensing machines, and throwing the birthday decorations around the room.)

Do I have to invite these kids? At the same time I feel badly inviting the whole class except for these one or two kids.

We invite the kid, but I arm both sets of grandparents and our siblings with info about this kid. They know to keep the kid away from our cake and cookies (one year she ate before we'd even sang happy birthday!). They watch her and tell her not to hit other kids or to not pull on my decorations. We had a family meeting about it actually. The first year she came was a disaster and since then we've "handled" her. The funny thing is that her parents are actually right there watching her misbehave/raid goody bags/eat all the deserts while everyone else is playing the party games.

I went to a party like this and it was the same situation with the parents! I guess the kid’s behavior must have come from somewhere.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What do you do about the 1 or 2 kids in class who pick on and hit or annoy your kid all the time? One is mean to just my DS from what I can tell and is simply bossy to others, the other kid is just out of control (I saw him during pick up and another party and he was spinning on floor, breaking candy dispensing machines, and throwing the birthday decorations around the room.)

Do I have to invite these kids? At the same time I feel badly inviting the whole class except for these one or two kids.

We invite the kid, but I arm both sets of grandparents and our siblings with info about this kid. They know to keep the kid away from our cake and cookies (one year she ate before we'd even sang happy birthday!). They watch her and tell her not to hit other kids or to not pull on my decorations. We had a family meeting about it actually. The first year she came was a disaster and since then we've "handled" her. The funny thing is that her parents are actually right there watching her misbehave/raid goody bags/eat all the deserts while everyone else is playing the party games.

I guess I will look into manned and supervised venues. All inclusive is more expensive, but I hate the idea of this kid ruining the party, messing up the house, running amok if we simply rent a room at the community center... Our families live far away, but having grandparents around to help is a great idea!

I hate the idea of leaving kids out too. However, I will not invite anyone who has been mean to my kid or rude to me or disruptive to the class. Kids who are just extremely shy? Sure, of course we invite them. Kids who maybe are just awkward or kinda weird? Of course we invite them. Kids my kid doesn’t know well because they’re new or don’t speak English well or something like that? Of course we invite them. We try to be really inclusive. But I’m not inviting the disruptive, rude, or bully-type kids and I don’t feel bad about that.

We invited the whole class up through and including third grade. After that grade, kids were scrambled in subjects and traded classrooms all day, so there was no longer one class. This meant that we had to select invitees going forward. We still are generous with inviting a big crowd, but it does get tough because someone will not get invited obviously out of the 100 kids in their grade.

Anonymous wrote:What do you do about the 1 or 2 kids in class who pick on and hit or annoy your kid all the time? One is mean to just my DS from what I can tell and is simply bossy to others, the other kid is just out of control (I saw him during pick up and another party and he was spinning on floor, breaking candy dispensing machines, and throwing the birthday decorations around the room.)

Do I have to invite these kids? At the same time I feel badly inviting the whole class except for these one or two kids.

We invite the kid, but I arm both sets of grandparents and our siblings with info about this kid. They know to keep the kid away from our cake and cookies (one year she ate before we'd even sang happy birthday!). They watch her and tell her not to hit other kids or to not pull on my decorations. We had a family meeting about it actually. The first year she came was a disaster and since then we've "handled" her. The funny thing is that her parents are actually right there watching her misbehave/raid goody bags/eat all the deserts while everyone else is playing the party games.

Anonymous wrote:What do you do about the 1 or 2 kids in class who pick on and hit or annoy your kid all the time? One is mean to just my DS from what I can tell and is simply bossy to others, the other kid is just out of control (I saw him during pick up and another party and he was spinning on floor, breaking candy dispensing machines, and throwing the birthday decorations around the room.)

Do I have to invite these kids? At the same time I feel badly inviting the whole class except for these one or two kids.

Excluding one kid is terrible, no matter how valid the reason. My DD invites friends from class, the other class in same grade, from activities and family friends. It's a diverse group and no one feels exclusively excluded. We stopped doing whole class, or same gender parties in second grade. Birthday party is a joyous occasion, she wants to celebrate with kids she knows and will have fun with.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I've always invited the whole class plus friends from the other class. This year my shy DD said only girls or no party. I'm still trying to help her socially, so I invited all the girls in the entire grade. I felt bad, because there are some nice boys too, but she made a choice.

I draw a hard line, everyone or no party. So far my DS hasn’t had a party in three years. I’d rather be over inclusive than have a sliver of exclusivity.

What age?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I agree!

Being kind, inclusive, and welcoming is one of the very few parenting hills I am willing to die on.

This!

+2 But after a certain age, it’s necessary to exclude the wrong crowd.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I've always invited the whole class plus friends from the other class. This year my shy DD said only girls or no party. I'm still trying to help her socially, so I invited all the girls in the entire grade. I felt bad, because there are some nice boys too, but she made a choice.

I draw a hard line, everyone or no party. So far my DS hasn’t had a party in three years. I’d rather be over inclusive than have a sliver of exclusivity.

This is going to the opposite extreme and it’s just as cruel. You are not kind.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I've always invited the whole class plus friends from the other class. This year my shy DD said only girls or no party. I'm still trying to help her socially, so I invited all the girls in the entire grade. I felt bad, because there are some nice boys too, but she made a choice.

I draw a hard line, everyone or no party. So far my DS hasn’t had a party in three years. I’d rather be over inclusive than have a sliver of exclusivity.

You are effing nuts and not teaching your kid what you think you are.

I forgot to mention the out of control kid has nasty parents who have been rude to me, and the kid is often inappropriate in class, picks fights with my DS, etc:

What do you do about the 1 or 2 kids in class who pick on and hit or annoy your kid all the time? One is mean to just my DS from what I can tell and is simply bossy to others, the other kid is just out of control (I saw him during pick up and another party and he was spinning on floor, breaking candy dispensing machines, and throwing the birthday decorations around the room.)

Do I have to invite these kids? At the same time I feel badly inviting the whole class except for these one or two kids.

We only do parties every three or four years...... So you won't be getting an invite from us anytime soon. We are not the only one to operate this way, so the lack of invitations may not be that your child is no friends. It may be a families are not throwing huge events.