I think being a hard worker/disciplined and being competitive/having a fire in the belly to always win are two different things. I think both are tied to temperament but can also be shaped by environment. I have one kid who's a hard worker and wants to do things right, but isn't super upset when they lose. I was that way as a kid and the competitiveness/not wanting to lose came with experience at progressively higher levels of the sport. My other kid hates losing, but doesn't necessarily want to work hard. Only time will tell as to whether their competitiveness/not wanting to lose motivates them to work harder. That kind of thinking takes a maturity they do not yet have.

Regardless of nature vs. nurture, I think a parent needs to remember that their main job is to be supportive. Don't try to engineer your kid's sports career. Get them to practices and competitions, emphasize the value of hard work in all aspects of life (not just sports), and let it be their thing.

Did you socialize it out of him by punishing him for being emotional or angry or crying when he loses?

Both can be true. I believe some kids naturally have a higher motor.

I have one kid who regardless of sport is at full tilt. If you’re playing chess it’s life or death. Little parent external motivation required, a simple offhand comment from coach at 7 that in order to play up in age you needed to juggle over 50 w/ both feet and he went to the basement for 3 hours that night after practice and finished by end of week.

My oldest is a thinker; you could see they are processing on the field. If they lost analytically accessed weakness and moved on. While I went through a ton of motivational approaches, setting micro goals, power of behaviors, motivational movies none really had an impact. TBH, the biggest change was seeing the younger sibling work and their success. They asked for separate training weekly. As they saw results and did more, have been more aggressive and successful.

In short, near peer role models

^ There was a time I would watch a soccer/sports movie prior to game days with DC. Something inspirational to motivate her for game day and often it worked. I think we've watched Gracie, King Richard, Back to the Net, Friday Night Lights quite a number of times as there's only so many of them but it works!