When I read these kinds of threads, I always wonder about the time when you first started dating. Were these guys living in their parent’s basement or on their own? If on their own, was their apartment relatively clean and were their bills paid? Once married, did you make their life too easy and now they are in lazy mode? How did your situation start?

Anonymous wrote:Not failure to launch, but he never planned to work. Got to admire that I guess.
Married him for papers and got the heck out. Would have never gotten married otherwise to anyone.

So you committed green card fraud?

Are you married to my brother in law??

Exact same scenario with him. He has, obviously, deep mental health issues. I feel bad for his wife who is a lovely person but can never travel with him (because he's agoraphobic) and he uses her. Often stops working, uses her for insurance benefits, you name it.

Anonymous wrote:OP , you knew who you married. Did he tell you he was going to change for you, or did you invent a fantasy?

You made a stupid bet.

Wow, what a helpful post giving OP specific advice about the issues she faces here and now! /s

It's useless to rake OP over the coals for decisions made years ago now. What do you have to offer to help her currently? Nothing, obviously.

PP, you clearly have zero idea that (1) some people can mask incredibly well for quite a while, especially when they're trying to impress a potential BF/GF or spouse; (2) it's also entirely possible for things like ADHD and depression to worsen as people get older, so the DH might not have presented as anywhere near as bad, when they were dating.

Anonymous wrote:I am a woman, but I too would say that I have gone backwards and reversed matured as well. I used to have it all together but it has all unraveled. I also have ADHD and then developed an autoimmune disorder and the combination was unraveling.

It is a weird position to be in. I am currently single so I am not dragging anyways backwards with me but it is still strange to unmature.

I don’t understand how ADHD and an autoimmune sent you into a reverse maturing cycle? Can you explain.? I was diagnosed and hospitalized for autoimmune several years ago and it has sucked and I’ve had to focus on my health but I am still intelligent functioning and cogent. ??

Yep. Got fired 4 years in a row and finally used his veteran status to get a GS-14 position and can never quit that job, because he will never be capable of keeping a job and the fed is the only employer that tolerates people like him bc they have to. I am filing for divorce now that he has stable employment. The kids will never get any money from him bc he can't manage his finances and ran up $50k in consumer debt that he will spend the rest of his life paying off.

Happened to me, DH is a GS14.

Yes, in my twenties. He took eight years to get his college degree and was a heavy pot smoker. He had all sorts of business ideas so I thought he wanted to be successful. His grandparents financially backed many real estate investments he got involved in but the lack of ambition caught up and he was a couch potato most days. I did escape a bad family situation when I was with him and I really liked his family. Divorced him after two years.

Not failure to launch, but he never planned to work. Got to admire that I guess.
Married him for papers and got the heck out. Would have never gotten married otherwise to anyone.

Anonymous wrote:Adhd doesn’t always mean they’ll be failure to launch. My Dh has bad adhd but he has been incredibly independent.

I think a lot of it is having chores and responsibilities as a kid. I’m scared for the next generation. None of my kids friends have ever had any chores.

I'm thinking the absence of chores and responsibilities may be part of it. I also wonder how OP and her husband met? Did they meet in college? Were they both partiers or at least Greek? Or did she think she saw potential in him (which maybe was really family support) and thought he would be a good wagon with whom to hitch?

Adhd doesn’t always mean they’ll be failure to launch. My Dh has bad adhd but he has been incredibly independent.

I think a lot of it is having chores and responsibilities as a kid. I’m scared for the next generation. None of my kids friends have ever had any chores.

Who pays the bills?

Do you have kids?

OP , you knew who you married. Did he tell you he was going to change for you, or did you invent a fantasy?

You made a stupid bet.

Most of these types aren’t marriage material and thus don’t get married.

Those who masked better or were given a pass for awhile and did marry: divorced.

Anonymous wrote:Most people with ADHD have the skills. They just can't put them to use. It is one of the executive functioning dysfunctions that go with ADHD. They have the knowledge and skills - it is the performance that is impaired by the ADHD.

Yeah I know how to make the bed, I just never do!