Anonymous
Post 09/28/2023 10:18     Subject: If you wanted a third, but dreaded newborn phase again
I regret having 3. It really increased the parts of parenting I don’t like (which I expected) and dramatically decreased the ability to do the parts of parenting I really enjoy and find fulfilling (which I didn’t expect).

(not that I regret my 3rd in particular, he’s definitely my most delightful one…and now that I have them I obviously wouldn’t wish any of them didn’t exist which I’m sure is how people would feel at any number even once they’re well past too many and blah blah)
Anonymous
Post 09/28/2023 10:10     Subject: If you wanted a third, but dreaded newborn phase again
I hate pregnancy and the newborn stage, but really wanted a third so we went for it. 18 months later I’m coming out of the fog again and just so in love with my family of 5. Would totally do it all over again to get my kids. If you really want a third, you just find a way to do it.
Anonymous
Post 09/28/2023 10:07     Subject: If you wanted a third, but dreaded newborn phase again
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:You're going to have a pretty big age gap. I probably wouldn't at this point, should have just pulled the trigger a year ago if you really wanted to do it before you get too comfortable. Your older two are just about to get to the sweet spot and you'll have to start all over again with a baby.


Three years apart is a big gap?


Assuming pregnancy happens right away, lucky if its 3 and the oldest will be 6 years older or more. I barely know my brother 6 years younger than me.


I am much closer and always have been to 7years younger brother than big sis who is 18 months older. Everyone has anecdotes.


And? OP asked a question and I answered it. There's no right answer here. My youngest brother is 6 and 9 years younger than me and my older brother. He grew up like an only child. I have 3 kids spaced within 5 years, it's much better and they are growing up like siblings should.


Op here. I don’t think there’s a big difference between three kids in 5 years and three kids in 6.

But leaving that aside, I’m the youngest of 4 kids. Growing up I was closely with my older siblings who were 6 and 8.5 years older than me. My other brother (who is 3 years older than me) and I fought the most but got super close as teenagers. As adults, I’m closest with my brother 3 years apart and my sister 8.5 years older.

There’s no one way siblings “should” grow up. My parents spaced us nicely so they would have time to focus on each of us as babies. If I’d been pregnant with a 14 month old, I personally would not have managed well.
Anonymous
Post 09/28/2023 10:05     Subject: If you wanted a third, but dreaded newborn phase again
I sucked it up. The one splurge was hiring a nice nurse for the first three weeks which was incredibly helpful because my husband was working quite a bit at the time. I had to be well rested enough to get the other two to preschool each morning. It really made that first month manageable and by the time the nurse left, the baby was sleeping a solid chunk of hours each night which neither of my other two was able to do so young. I’m not a baby person either but that period of time goes by so quickly especially with three when you are so busy.
Anonymous
Post 09/28/2023 10:04     Subject: If you wanted a third, but dreaded newborn phase again
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:You're going to have a pretty big age gap. I probably wouldn't at this point, should have just pulled the trigger a year ago if you really wanted to do it before you get too comfortable. Your older two are just about to get to the sweet spot and you'll have to start all over again with a baby.


Three years apart is a big gap?


Assuming pregnancy happens right away, lucky if its 3 and the oldest will be 6 years older or more. I barely know my brother 6 years younger than me.


That’s not a big age gap, it’s fairly standard for a family of three.
Anonymous
Post 09/28/2023 08:40     Subject: If you wanted a third, but dreaded newborn phase again
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:You're going to have a pretty big age gap. I probably wouldn't at this point, should have just pulled the trigger a year ago if you really wanted to do it before you get too comfortable. Your older two are just about to get to the sweet spot and you'll have to start all over again with a baby.


Three years apart is a big gap?


Assuming pregnancy happens right away, lucky if its 3 and the oldest will be 6 years older or more. I barely know my brother 6 years younger than me.


I am much closer and always have been to 7years younger brother than big sis who is 18 months older. Everyone has anecdotes.


And? OP asked a question and I answered it. There's no right answer here. My youngest brother is 6 and 9 years younger than me and my older brother. He grew up like an only child. I have 3 kids spaced within 5 years, it's much better and they are growing up like siblings should.
Anonymous
Post 09/28/2023 08:39     Subject: If you wanted a third, but dreaded newborn phase again
We're at about the same ages with our kids (5 and 2.5) and we are done. I briefly thought of a 3rd when my little one was around 18m-2y, but the longing past and I feel like I'm moreso grieving the end of having babies than I am actively longing for a 3rd.

I had hyperemesis, preeclampsia, and cholestasis with both of my pregnancies and I just don't think I can do it again. I'm also traumatized because my younger one never took a bottle, not even once ever. We went to every specialist under the sun- developmental ped, postpartum doula, bottle consultant, PT, pediatric dentist, pediatric speech pathologist. She refused syringes, sippy cups, open cups too. I almost lost my job over it and had to rearrange my entire life. I could never get a break day or night. Couldn't take my oldest out alone for special time. It was absolutely horrible.
Anonymous
Post 09/28/2023 08:00     Subject: If you wanted a third, but dreaded newborn phase again
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:You're going to have a pretty big age gap. I probably wouldn't at this point, should have just pulled the trigger a year ago if you really wanted to do it before you get too comfortable. Your older two are just about to get to the sweet spot and you'll have to start all over again with a baby.


Three years apart is a big gap?


Assuming pregnancy happens right away, lucky if its 3 and the oldest will be 6 years older or more. I barely know my brother 6 years younger than me.


There is zero way to predict how emotionally close siblings will be. You just don’t know plenty of close in age siblings don’t get along. Opposite is true too. The best chance is if they are born while siblings are in childhood and living in same household for a least several years. But even that doesn’t guarantee a particular relationship.

OP- as for the baby years. The easiest way to to exclusively breastfed and/or hire (more) help.
Anonymous
Post 09/28/2023 07:52     Subject: If you wanted a third, but dreaded newborn phase again
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:You're going to have a pretty big age gap. I probably wouldn't at this point, should have just pulled the trigger a year ago if you really wanted to do it before you get too comfortable. Your older two are just about to get to the sweet spot and you'll have to start all over again with a baby.


Three years apart is a big gap?


Assuming pregnancy happens right away, lucky if its 3 and the oldest will be 6 years older or more. I barely know my brother 6 years younger than me.


I am much closer and always have been to 7years younger brother than big sis who is 18 months older. Everyone has anecdotes.


+ 1. My dad and his brother, 9 years apart, have always been very close. Much closer than to his sister 2 years younger.
Anonymous
Post 09/28/2023 07:22     Subject: If you wanted a third, but dreaded newborn phase again
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:You're going to have a pretty big age gap. I probably wouldn't at this point, should have just pulled the trigger a year ago if you really wanted to do it before you get too comfortable. Your older two are just about to get to the sweet spot and you'll have to start all over again with a baby.


Three years apart is a big gap?


Assuming pregnancy happens right away, lucky if its 3 and the oldest will be 6 years older or more. I barely know my brother 6 years younger than me.


I am much closer and always have been to 7years younger brother than big sis who is 18 months older. Everyone has anecdotes.
Anonymous
Post 09/28/2023 07:19     Subject: If you wanted a third, but dreaded newborn phase again
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:You're going to have a pretty big age gap. I probably wouldn't at this point, should have just pulled the trigger a year ago if you really wanted to do it before you get too comfortable. Your older two are just about to get to the sweet spot and you'll have to start all over again with a baby.


Three years apart is a big gap?


Assuming pregnancy happens right away, lucky if its 3 and the oldest will be 6 years older or more. I barely know my brother 6 years younger than me.


My kids are 10, almost 8 and 4.5. There are 26 months between first 2 and 3 years and 4 months between 2 and 3. The difference is big. It will hopefully decrease in a few years, but the first and last have little in common. Yes, the 10 year old likes to teach things to the 4.5 year old, but for the most part he is her annoying little brother.

I wish we had him sooner, but we were not ready mentally for a third. Thankfully I got pregnant the first month we tried, but still… the difference is big.
Anonymous
Post 09/28/2023 00:16     Subject: If you wanted a third, but dreaded newborn phase again
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:You're going to have a pretty big age gap. I probably wouldn't at this point, should have just pulled the trigger a year ago if you really wanted to do it before you get too comfortable. Your older two are just about to get to the sweet spot and you'll have to start all over again with a baby.


Three years apart is a big gap?


Assuming pregnancy happens right away, lucky if its 3 and the oldest will be 6 years older or more. I barely know my brother 6 years younger than me.
Anonymous
Post 09/28/2023 00:09     Subject: If you wanted a third, but dreaded newborn phase again
Been trying for 2 years, 6 losses. Absolutely gutting to be totally infertile without warning.
Anonymous
Post 09/27/2023 23:53     Subject: If you wanted a third, but dreaded newborn phase again
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:The opposite. I LOVE newborns but babies turn into toddlers. If I could skip those years I'd have six babies.

Fwiw I have three and the baby phase with the third was the easiest. You are more confident and spend a lot less mental energy worrying about small stuff.

What do you dislike about newborns? The lack of sleep? The crying? For me I just tell myself the sleep thing is four months long. I can do anything for four months.

This is not really a helpful comment. OP said she dreads the newborn phase. Obviously if she loved it, like you do, she wouldn't be asking.

Given her follow up explanation, I 💯 relate. It's a good part of the reason we stopped at 2 kids. My second took 11 months to sleep thru the night. Breastfeeding and pumping is awful. I made purees for my kids because it was cheaper than store-bought. The anxiety around my wobbly 14-month-old falling down, learning how to do stairs, climbing on the playground. And I never want to potty train another human being. That doesn't even touch on wait-lists for daycares and preschools and the financial strain of a third kid.

I love age 2+ (mine are now 5.5 and 3.5). If I could skip to a potty trained 2 year old, I would seriously consider a third. We would all like to skip the parts we don't like! Does that mean we shouldn't have the number of kids we want? Obviously for you it does. For me it didn't.

OP, ultimately I felt like my family was complete at 2 kids, but I also shared most of your concerns about having a third. If you really want a third, talk to your husband and any other family that might be able to help about what kind of support you would need/want.


My point was that we all have parts of parenting we don't like. I'm sure many parents of teens wish they could skip the those years.


My post cut off.

My point was that we all have parts of parenting we don't like. I'm sure many parents of teens wish they could skip the those years. We all have parts of parenting that are harder and easier. Does that mean we shouldn't have the number of kids we really want, just because we dislike one year of it? Obviously for you it does. For me it didn't. That's the perspective I'm giving.
Anonymous
Post 09/27/2023 23:51     Subject: If you wanted a third, but dreaded newborn phase again
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:The opposite. I LOVE newborns but babies turn into toddlers. If I could skip those years I'd have six babies.

Fwiw I have three and the baby phase with the third was the easiest. You are more confident and spend a lot less mental energy worrying about small stuff.

What do you dislike about newborns? The lack of sleep? The crying? For me I just tell myself the sleep thing is four months long. I can do anything for four months.

This is not really a helpful comment. OP said she dreads the newborn phase. Obviously if she loved it, like you do, she wouldn't be asking.

Given her follow up explanation, I 💯 relate. It's a good part of the reason we stopped at 2 kids. My second took 11 months to sleep thru the night. Breastfeeding and pumping is awful. I made purees for my kids because it was cheaper than store-bought. The anxiety around my wobbly 14-month-old falling down, learning how to do stairs, climbing on the playground. And I never want to potty train another human being. That doesn't even touch on wait-lists for daycares and preschools and the financial strain of a third kid.

I love age 2+ (mine are now 5.5 and 3.5). If I could skip to a potty trained 2 year old, I would seriously consider a third. We would all like to skip the parts we don't like! Does that mean we shouldn't have the number of kids we want? Obviously for you it does. For me it didn't.

OP, ultimately I felt like my family was complete at 2 kids, but I also shared most of your concerns about having a third. If you really want a third, talk to your husband and any other family that might be able to help about what kind of support you would need/want.


My point was that we all have parts of parenting we don't like. I'm sure many parents of teens wish they could skip the those years.