Anonymous
Post 09/26/2023 13:46     Subject: Re:14 yo DD was very rude to me
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:You know your kid best and you know what boundaries are important to you. I tell my kids they can't run their mouths and just apologize later on and think that everything is OK. My daughter can be very dramatic but there are some things I don't tolerate. My daughter screamed at me last year and told me that I never help her and slammed my door. She apologized later and said she didn't mean it. For the next week I showed her what life would be like without my help. It was very eye opening for her.
Bottom line for the behaviors that I absolutely do not tolerate my response is decisive and severe. I don't have to do this often and the undesired behavior rarely returns.


You don't sound like a White parent.

I'm not.
Anonymous
Post 09/26/2023 09:37     Subject: 14 yo DD was very rude to me
Anonymous wrote:Thanks for your feedback!! I can always count on solid advice on this board. My parents would ground me for months if I did something similar. (But they were not the best role models) Glad I posted I am going to hug her and have a talk when I cool off a bit more. -OP


Clearly a lot of people didn’t see your response, OP. I was happy to read it. Nice job and good for you!
Anonymous
Post 09/26/2023 08:38     Subject: 14 yo DD was very rude to me
Mine has said way worse, at a younger age. She apologizes when I call her on it. Try not to take it personally. They treat you the worst bc they feel safest around you.
Anonymous
Post 09/26/2023 08:10     Subject: Re:14 yo DD was very rude to me
Anonymous wrote:I think you can accept the apology and do a mild consequence like no phone for 48 hours but nothing beyond that.


The hell does the phone have to do with the behavior? Don’t take the phone — that would be terrible parenting.
Anonymous
Post 09/26/2023 08:09     Subject: 14 yo DD was very rude to me
Anonymous wrote:We had a very heated argument and she lost it. She said some really rude things to me. Something like “you and your little idiotic brain” etc way out of line. This has never happened before in our house (oldest is 19). What do I do? Ground her? Take away her phone? She has apologized multiple times, but it was way way out of line. WWYD?


Why would you take away her phone? That would just be you having a tantrum.

Learn to choose your battles. Not every hill is worth dying on — this doesn’t sound like one of them.
Anonymous
Post 09/26/2023 08:08     Subject: Re:14 yo DD was very rude to me
Anonymous wrote:You know your kid best and you know what boundaries are important to you. I tell my kids they can't run their mouths and just apologize later on and think that everything is OK. My daughter can be very dramatic but there are some things I don't tolerate. My daughter screamed at me last year and told me that I never help her and slammed my door. She apologized later and said she didn't mean it. For the next week I showed her what life would be like without my help. It was very eye opening for her.
Bottom line for the behaviors that I absolutely do not tolerate my response is decisive and severe. I don't have to do this often and the undesired behavior rarely returns.


You don't sound like a White parent.
Anonymous
Post 09/26/2023 07:57     Subject: 14 yo DD was very rude to me
Did she apologise freely, or was it an an apology after you said you’re grounded, you’ll have a consequence, or something of that nature.
Anonymous
Post 09/26/2023 06:39     Subject: Re:14 yo DD was very rude to me
You know your kid best and you know what boundaries are important to you. I tell my kids they can't run their mouths and just apologize later on and think that everything is OK. My daughter can be very dramatic but there are some things I don't tolerate. My daughter screamed at me last year and told me that I never help her and slammed my door. She apologized later and said she didn't mean it. For the next week I showed her what life would be like without my help. It was very eye opening for her.
Bottom line for the behaviors that I absolutely do not tolerate my response is decisive and severe. I don't have to do this often and the undesired behavior rarely returns.
Anonymous
Post 09/25/2023 15:31     Subject: 14 yo DD was very rude to me
Anonymous wrote:You act like you've never lost your cool especially in the heat of an argument.
She apologized.

And I assume she's an otherwise good kid, no?

Let it go. Move on.

The fact that you're still hung up on it reveals you have control issues and you're looking for something tangible, like a punishment, to spite her even though she has (profusely) apologized.

What more do you want Op??


1) I NEVER lost my cool as a kid because it would get me enormous consequences (like I posted above, my parents were not exactly good role models)

2) I was “still hung up” on this because I posted literally minutes after the argument. I wasn’t sure how to react. My oldest never did this sort of things. And both me and DH are pretty mild tempered.
Anonymous
Post 09/25/2023 15:25     Subject: Re:14 yo DD was very rude to me
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:She’s apologized. What do you want—a pound of flesh?


And something tells me she may have been rude, but not entirely wrong.


Parents are allowed to be stupid sometimes, and their children are allowed to point it out. At least that's how it goes in my family. We have a good laugh about it, and move on. We only have one life to live. No time to get hung up on petty squabbles. But maybe I think like that because my teen daughter has an auto-immune disorder. Life is fragile and we have to enjoy the time we get together.

Anonymous
Post 09/25/2023 15:22     Subject: 14 yo DD was very rude to me
Anonymous wrote:She apologized- that's huge. Tell her calmly that you accept her apology. You also tell her that the way she spoke to you is inappropriate. She can be mad, irritated, etc with you but she has to remain respectful. I would not punish her this once.



Agreed. If it happens again, that's a different story.
Anonymous
Post 09/25/2023 15:21     Subject: 14 yo DD was very rude to me
You act like you've never lost your cool especially in the heat of an argument.
She apologized.

And I assume she's an otherwise good kid, no?

Let it go. Move on.

The fact that you're still hung up on it reveals you have control issues and you're looking for something tangible, like a punishment, to spite her even though she has (profusely) apologized.

What more do you want Op??