Agree with don’t worry about the future. Just get him through high school. His brain will mature, but later than other kids. I would take him now to visit a college, so he can see what it’s about. Then have him visit a trade school, talk to someone about Job Corps or Americorp. There are lots of non-college options for young people. I’d take him to a vocational counselor to let him see what’s out there. But really, just focus on the day to day successes, enjoy him for who he is right now.

I’d also sign him up for something like an Outward Bound course. They are terrific for helping teens get a sense of purpose and improving self-esteem.

I used a service called Pathfinders to take at-home ability tests and see where my strengths lie. Then I had a one-on-one meeting to help choose carters to look into. The participant doesn’t come away with a single job idea, but a list of possible career ideas that would fit their strengths. For example, I was told to look into medicine, but I knew that was a no-go as I’m far too squeamish. The list has careers I’d never even heard of before, such as child life specialist. It gave me a lot to think about. If the ability testing is too sensitive a topic for your dc, you could ask to simply used his most recent WISC information. I think determining a goal would help your dc with next steps.

Anonymous wrote:Another plug for the Self-Driven Child. The most important takeaway for me is the idea that kids want their lives to work out, too--but we have to be willing to accept a supporting role. (I say this as someone who is really struggling with that.)

NP here with all the same issues as the OP. I have read The Self-Driven Child and its sequel. Can you give an example of how you used the ideas in the book, and how it turned out?

Another plug for the Self-Driven Child. The most important takeaway for me is the idea that kids want their lives to work out, too--but we have to be willing to accept a supporting role. (I say this as someone who is really struggling with that.)

Hugs. I would suggest that to the extent possible, you try to focus on managing your emotions about the uncertainty of the future and recognize that this may or may not indicate anything about his future. I have recently been working a lot on my own acceptance of uncertainty, and it is HARD but helpful.

Then I would suggest just focusing on the present moment and based on that, figuring out one or two goals that would make things better right now (ignoring future impacts for the most part). What are the 1-2 things he most needs to work on and skills he needs for right now? Can you figure out a way to let some things go that aren't important and instead prioritize a few things that are? Maybe you can step back from pushing on homework every night but need to make sure he turns in at least 70% of assignments or something. I don't know what the answer there is, but I think there might be an in-between that would prioritize your and his present moment and help you both feel successful with what you can right now - ignoring whether or not that means he will be in trade school or college or have a job in two years.

I’m a fan of the self driven child and it’s sequel.

The sequel had this little anecdote: a kid complaining about how much they hated school (late high school stage) and the parent just said:

“You know, I’ve really tried to make school work for you and I can’t think of anything else. Have you considered getting a GED?”

It is unorthodox, but it might open up a door to a better conversation. Just a thought.

Work with a therapist for you to set and communicate reasonable boundaries for both the present and your child’s early adult future.