I don't meddle in my kids' friendships because I have seen it backfire very badly.

There was a mom who worked really hard to build up her overweight DD Larla's friendships by becoming good friends with lots of moms of girls. When the moms got together, so did the girls. Larla didn't make friends on her own very easily for a variety of reasons other than her weight. There were also a lot of unfavorable comparisons between her and her social butterfly popular mom.

By middle school the weight issue couldn't be overcome by the mom's efforts. All of Larla's resentful forced friends ditched her. There was some bullying where the former force friends rubbed it in Larla's face that everyone had been forced to play with her in elementary. She eventually changed schools to get a fresh start with kids who had never been forced to play with her. On the positive side, Larla eventually figured out how to make friends on her own.

Not saying this scenario happens very often, but it's something that can happen when you force things between kids that don't naturally want to play together. What if Larla's mom had just accepted her DD being mildly unpopular in elementary?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, but IME these women are also crazy.

+1

The moms with 3+ girls, or self described #girlmoms, are the worst, OP. Stay far away. They want their girls to only hang out with certain people, and they will stop at nothing. Of course, they would never admit this. Just move on. They are unhealthy because they are living vicariously, and it shows.

All the social engineering parents are crazy and high strung, independent of the gender mix of their kids.

Anonymous wrote:Why is your kid excluded? There is usually a reason. Is it behavior? Is it personality?

It's almost always income and status related. And I know you know it.

Anonymous wrote:Yes, but IME these women are also crazy.

+1

The moms with 3+ girls, or self described #girlmoms, are the worst, OP. Stay far away. They want their girls to only hang out with certain people, and they will stop at nothing. Of course, they would never admit this. Just move on. They are unhealthy because they are living vicariously, and it shows.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My daughter was friends with two girls all through ES. Out of the blue, one mom started excluding my DD even though all three girls still get along splendidly in MS. She’s also started refusing all hangouts initiated by us. DD hasn’t said anything but feels the sting and has asked why that mom is doing that.

So yes, mean moms! She also be crazy lol (say this based on what I know of her but suppressed over the years so girls could be friends)

Sometimes one kid thinks they are still great friends while another needs some space. This is common in middle school. Friend groups change, even when they were close for years. It sounds more like that than the mom excluding anyone. My daughter started middle school this year and moms aren’t organizing any of their social outings. We only drive after they coordinate.

+1

This is also what I have seen- and my daughter has been on both sides of it, at various times. The girls are the ones making the plans- not the moms. Middle school is a common time for friendships & friend groups to change. If anything, the moms were probably padding things along in elementary (often forcing the girls to invite girls they were no longer friends with- to avoid hurt feelings)….and have now stopped doing so in middle school, as the girls gain independence.

OP here-yes, I’ve seen this and I have also seen moms being mean and purposely cruel to my DD.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My daughter was friends with two girls all through ES. Out of the blue, one mom started excluding my DD even though all three girls still get along splendidly in MS. She’s also started refusing all hangouts initiated by us. DD hasn’t said anything but feels the sting and has asked why that mom is doing that.

So yes, mean moms! She also be crazy lol (say this based on what I know of her but suppressed over the years so girls could be friends)

Sometimes one kid thinks they are still great friends while another needs some space. This is common in middle school. Friend groups change, even when they were close for years. It sounds more like that than the mom excluding anyone. My daughter started middle school this year and moms aren’t organizing any of their social outings. We only drive after they coordinate.

+1

This is also what I have seen- and my daughter has been on both sides of it, at various times. The girls are the ones making the plans- not the moms. Middle school is a common time for friendships & friend groups to change. If anything, the moms were probably padding things along in elementary (often forcing the girls to invite girls they were no longer friends with- to avoid hurt feelings)….and have now stopped doing so in middle school, as the girls gain independence.

Anonymous wrote:My daughter was friends with two girls all through ES. Out of the blue, one mom started excluding my DD even though all three girls still get along splendidly in MS. She’s also started refusing all hangouts initiated by us. DD hasn’t said anything but feels the sting and has asked why that mom is doing that.

So yes, mean moms! She also be crazy lol (say this based on what I know of her but suppressed over the years so girls could be friends)

This happened to my DD too but it was in late elementary. No issues amongst the girls but some of moms started establishing a more exclusive social group. Thankfully DD eventually moved on from this group but it was hard there for a few years because these were her close friends and it really sucked that the moms were excluding her. And no it wasn't my DD, she's lovely. They excluded other girls too from the get go, the issue was my DD had been in for a while then she was not.

Anonymous wrote:Why is your kid excluded? There is usually a reason. Is it behavior? Is it personality?

No there's not always a reason. Jeesh. You sound like a mean mom!

Anonymous wrote:My daughter was friends with two girls all through ES. Out of the blue, one mom started excluding my DD even though all three girls still get along splendidly in MS. She’s also started refusing all hangouts initiated by us. DD hasn’t said anything but feels the sting and has asked why that mom is doing that.

So yes, mean moms! She also be crazy lol (say this based on what I know of her but suppressed over the years so girls could be friends)

Sometimes one kid thinks they are still great friends while another needs some space. This is common in middle school. Friend groups change, even when they were close for years. It sounds more like that than the mom excluding anyone. My daughter started middle school this year and moms aren’t organizing any of their social outings. We only drive after they coordinate.

Yuck, I’m sorry that you are dealing with this! This has not been my experience at all- 3 kids currently in 7th,9th,10th grades. Most of the kids seem to choose their own friends by 5th/6th grades and the parents don’t have much to do with it anymore.

That said, I don’t doubt there are instances of this. What exactly is going on? What is this mom doing?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why is your kid excluded? There is usually a reason. Is it behavior? Is it personality?

OP - it isn’t either as far as I can tell. Girls still get along great. I am a single parent so I think our family is viewed as broken for no great reason. Like I said, mean mom stuff

Sorry being a single mom is not an excuse. There are plenty of kids with divorced parents at my kid's MS (and even more for my older kid in HS) and there's no connection with exclusion so don't blame your kids issues on that. You're probably sending your kid negative messages on that topic and creating issues if you think that way.

Mean mom behavior is to blame others for expressing their feelings and observations.

And the OP is right. People do sometimes do think less of single parents. I think it’s bizarre but I have seen it mentioned on DCUM.

My kids are left out of things. And sometimes they leave others out. It's truly impossible to invite everyone to everything. I get why someone would be upset if someone has always been included then dropped; but when you aren't invited every single time but you are some times...it's just situational. And I'm not an alpha mom and both my kids are geeky, not popular. Just...how can we fit everyone in our cars? How does it make sense to invite 15 kids to a movie if my kid has hung out with all 15 of them at some point in the past month? It's just logistics sometimes. We don't need to get hurt.

This hasn’t been my expertise at all.

Anonymous wrote:I absolutely leave certain kids out - one girl brought a lighter and even after I took it away she snatched it back later and kept trying to light things on fire. I finally had to text her mom and ask her to pick up her daughter immediately. So no, I'm not inviting that kid to our house or on any group outtings.

Another kid came over and wouldn't stop dropping F-bombs. I told him that language isn't used in our house and to stop, and he wouldn't. So he's not welcome anymore. He might be a great friend, but he isn't someone I want in my home.

Maybe check if your kid is behaving properly before blaming "mean moms".

This is funny - when we were in middle school, we were mostly at the end of outgrowing lighting things on fire. Kids these days are so sheltered. Their snowplow mothers don't let them do anything at all. So they don't learn anything, find out anything. And it shows.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why is your kid excluded? There is usually a reason. Is it behavior? Is it personality?

OP - it isn’t either as far as I can tell. Girls still get along great. I am a single parent so I think our family is viewed as broken for no great reason. Like I said, mean mom stuff

Sorry being a single mom is not an excuse. There are plenty of kids with divorced parents at my kid's MS (and even more for my older kid in HS) and there's no connection with exclusion so don't blame your kids issues on that. You're probably sending your kid negative messages on that topic and creating issues if you think that way.

Mean mom behavior is to blame others for expressing their feelings and observations.