Anonymous wrote:I don’t think this is abnormal and this doesn’t mean your kid is an a-hole. I’ve been told by my friends with older kids that before they flee the nest, you have a period of sh**ing the nest. It’s his way of establishing independence.

It is common for this to happen for seniors - this is a junior.
I guess if the kid was held back / "redshirted" and reclassed the behavior would align.

I don’t think this is abnormal and this doesn’t mean your kid is an a-hole. I’ve been told by my friends with older kids that before they flee the nest, you have a period of sh**ing the nest. It’s his way of establishing independence.

Anonymous wrote:And to continue on from above ^^^ it’s not too late to rein some of this in, but most of the damage is done. It’s going to take a LOT of work to fix some of that in a short amount of time, including doing stuff like taking away his vehicle for the rest of the entire school year.

Hopefully you’re not a single mom and there is an Alpha Male father in the house. But if there was sufficient testosterone in the parenting mix in the first place, then this wouldn’t have happened.

wtf did i just read

Anonymous wrote:You’ve raised a terrible, self-centered boy who will be a terrible, self-centered man.

The key is to have set schedules and expectations from when they are born, such as the family all eating dinner together every night (normally, home-cooked by dad or mom) with no electronics.

We also had expectations that the >16 kids be home after school or sports and check in with us before going out again. And going back out would be unusual on a school night, especially with differentiated and AP classes requiring a lot of homework.

Did you at least ensure that he is immersed in character-building activities when he’s out after school, such as working toward and Eagle Scout rank, or competing in athletics, or playing in the school orchestra?

You don't have teens, do you? This is impossible in a lot of families due to sports and other extracurricular activities such as theater and marching band.

Sounds typical soiling the nest behavior.

https://grownandflown.com/soiling-the-nest-teens-being-bad/

Anonymous wrote:My take is that you sound clingy and smothering. He sounds like a teen with a normal, healthy weekend social life. You should be glad he is going out. Yes, he was rude, but if you are overly clingy, he may be reacting that way to get you to back off.

+1. Read the book ‘When he is Married to Mom’. Have him read it. Is your marriage difficult? So many women expect their son to do the work of their husband. It is time to set him free. Yes, that includes paying for him. You had him and that means helping him navigate the world successfully - including propping him up until he is ready to fly. (So many mothers miss this part of the launch because they become jealous of the lovelys showing up at the door and say ‘I’m not financing this!). But it is essential for his growth - and yours!

And to continue on from above ^^^ it’s not too late to rein some of this in, but most of the damage is done. It’s going to take a LOT of work to fix some of that in a short amount of time, including doing stuff like taking away his vehicle for the rest of the entire school year.

Hopefully you’re not a single mom and there is an Alpha Male father in the house. But if there was sufficient testosterone in the parenting mix in the first place, then this wouldn’t have happened.

You’ve raised a terrible, self-centered boy who will be a terrible, self-centered man.

The key is to have set schedules and expectations from when they are born, such as the family all eating dinner together every night (normally, home-cooked by dad or mom) with no electronics.

We also had expectations that the >16 kids be home after school or sports and check in with us before going out again. And going back out would be unusual on a school night, especially with differentiated and AP classes requiring a lot of homework.

Did you at least ensure that he is immersed in character-building activities when he’s out after school, such as working toward and Eagle Scout rank, or competing in athletics, or playing in the school orchestra?

Neither my son or my daughter, who are now grown, would ever have spoken to me like that. If they had they would have been spending a lot more time at home all of a sudden. We would have gotten to the bottom of whatever the problem was.

Maybe there are problems in his relationship with you that he needs to be honest about so you can address them. However, if you sincerely feel that this is brand new behavior that was not brought on by anything you have done then you need to consider that he may be indulging in drugs and/or other sketchy behavior that is causing him to be snarly and mean all of a sudden.

Anonymous wrote:Two seperate things here - normal and healthy for a 17 year old to have an active healthy life, and part of growing up. However, is it so not acceptable for him to speak to you this way and that needs to be addressed.

+1

Two seperate things here - normal and healthy for a 17 year old to have an active healthy life, and part of growing up. However, is it so not acceptable for him to speak to you this way and that needs to be addressed.

Anonymous wrote:My take is that you sound clingy and smothering. He sounds like a teen with a normal, healthy weekend social life. You should be glad he is going out. Yes, he was rude, but if you are overly clingy, he may be reacting that way to get you to back off.

Agree.
He’s your child, not your friend. He has his own friends.

He’s a complete a$$hole.

He needs to be kicked in the nuts. As someone with two teen boys, his behavior is not normal. No way I’d pay a dime of any of his expenses.

First, you are lucky that he's got an active social life. Second, he needs not to be a jerk, and you should call him out on it.

He sounds like an incredibly indulged, selfish brat. Probably too late to change this now, but you can at least make an effort to teach him how to speak to adults with respect and kindness. Good luck.