Anonymous
Post 09/14/2023 15:21     Subject: Older men hugging younger women at work, on camera in public
Anonymous wrote:These are grown women. If they have a problem with it, they can open their mouths and say something. Unless someone is hugging you, you need to butt out.

BTW, I am a legal secretary and have hugged older, partners who are men at work. We are a law firm where people become friends, people do personal favors for other employees. People lend cars, drop off soup, invite employees to bring their kids to their home to meet a new puppy, etc. Hugging is not weird at my firm.


At many law firms, men do side hugs, not full frontal embrace.
Anonymous
Post 09/14/2023 14:47     Subject: Older men hugging younger women at work, on camera in public
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Shame on the poster that is minimizing this. I bet if someone got raped they'd be like "Well at least you didn't get killed".

I have never been hugged at work except maybe when my grandmother passed away and it was a woman, not my boss and not a "bear hug". I would be horrified if my boss or any of the numerous old men I interact with at work tried to hug me. This is highly inappropriate and you should step back and say you prefer they don't hug you, if you can.


What? Raping is not the same as hugging someone.
If hugging at work isn’t ok then we should tell everyone it’s not ok. It’s not weird that ppl assume it’s ok.


Hugging at work is super weird, unless it's like a co-worker you consider a close friend as well. At my Fed office I cannot imagine a male co-worker trying to hug me.


+1 these guys sound gross
Anonymous
Post 09/14/2023 14:46     Subject: Older men hugging younger women at work, on camera in public
Anonymous wrote:Did someone seriously DELETE the post noting that President Biden does this all the time?

That’s not made up, it’s not “political” and it’s directly relevant to this conversation. Old, powerful men engage in this creepy behavior all the time. Even the “good ones”.

Are we shilling so hard for Biden that we have to just pretend he doesn’t do this?


Omg stop
Anonymous
Post 09/14/2023 14:46     Subject: Older men hugging younger women at work, on camera in public
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:OP here. At one of my very first jobs when I was part time and a college student, at an office holiday party, one of the older men got drunk, and he literally chased my around the office trying to kiss me. He was saying he wanted to kiss me. My boss who is a woman, and a smoker, she got in the way and told him he could kiss her. But this was a big man. I was frightened, even if I may not have shown that I was frightened.



That event traumatized you?


It didn't "traumatize" me enough to quit that job, quit college, and not go on to get a doctorate and have a full life and career.

I don't want anyone I work with giving me a full frontal hug out of nowhere for no reason.
Anonymous
Post 09/14/2023 14:45     Subject: Older men hugging younger women at work, on camera in public
Anonymous wrote:OP here. At one of my very first jobs when I was part time and a college student, at an office holiday party, one of the older men got drunk, and he literally chased my around the office trying to kiss me. He was saying he wanted to kiss me. My boss who is a woman, and a smoker, she got in the way and told him he could kiss her. But this was a big man. I was frightened, even if I may not have shown that I was frightened.



I mean - that’s obviously not ok. But also v different from general hug
Anonymous
Post 09/14/2023 14:42     Subject: Older men hugging younger women at work, on camera in public
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Shame on the poster that is minimizing this. I bet if someone got raped they'd be like "Well at least you didn't get killed".

I have never been hugged at work except maybe when my grandmother passed away and it was a woman, not my boss and not a "bear hug". I would be horrified if my boss or any of the numerous old men I interact with at work tried to hug me. This is highly inappropriate and you should step back and say you prefer they don't hug you, if you can.


What? Raping is not the same as hugging someone.
If hugging at work isn’t ok then we should tell everyone it’s not ok. It’s not weird that ppl assume it’s ok.


Hugging at work is super weird, unless it's like a co-worker you consider a close friend as well. At my Fed office I cannot imagine a male co-worker trying to hug me.
Anonymous
Post 09/14/2023 14:33     Subject: Older men hugging younger women at work, on camera in public
Anonymous wrote:I’m a middle aged woman who has worked in an office for 20 years, I learned many years ago to aggressively stick out my right hand when someone is approaching me to make it clear I’m willing to shake hands but not hug. If other people want to hug each other that’s fine for them but I never hug anyone I work with, man or woman. As a manager I also think I could be opening myself up to personnel complaints.


Love this approach. Good for you, seriously.

I wish everyone was as upfront about their boundaries. especially since these differ so much person to person. I don't want to live in op's world where no one hugs. But I also don't want to make those who are more reserved uncomfortable. Personally I'm on the more reserved side, so don't tend to initiate hugs. But I'm not traumatized by hugs either.
Anonymous
Post 09/14/2023 14:24     Subject: Older men hugging younger women at work, on camera in public
I’m a middle aged woman who has worked in an office for 20 years, I learned many years ago to aggressively stick out my right hand when someone is approaching me to make it clear I’m willing to shake hands but not hug. If other people want to hug each other that’s fine for them but I never hug anyone I work with, man or woman. As a manager I also think I could be opening myself up to personnel complaints.
Anonymous
Post 09/14/2023 14:08     Subject: Older men hugging younger women at work, on camera in public
Anonymous wrote:I don't know. I always thought young women like that.

- old man

Perverted geezer alert!
Anonymous
Post 09/14/2023 14:01     Subject: Older men hugging younger women at work, on camera in public
It does sound like OP has explained why seeing the behavior makes her uncomfortable, and frankly, it’s another reason o ask people that work together to keep interactions professional at work gatherings. It’s not a tough ask. People do not need to hug each other at work! Use your words to express your feelings, not your hands. Kindergarten stuff.
Anonymous
Post 09/14/2023 13:58     Subject: Older men hugging younger women at work, on camera in public
Anonymous wrote:OP here. At one of my very first jobs when I was part time and a college student, at an office holiday party, one of the older men got drunk, and he literally chased my around the office trying to kiss me. He was saying he wanted to kiss me. My boss who is a woman, and a smoker, she got in the way and told him he could kiss her. But this was a big man. I was frightened, even if I may not have shown that I was frightened.



That event traumatized you?
Anonymous
Post 09/14/2023 13:53     Subject: Older men hugging younger women at work, on camera in public
OP here. At one of my very first jobs when I was part time and a college student, at an office holiday party, one of the older men got drunk, and he literally chased my around the office trying to kiss me. He was saying he wanted to kiss me. My boss who is a woman, and a smoker, she got in the way and told him he could kiss her. But this was a big man. I was frightened, even if I may not have shown that I was frightened.

Anonymous
Post 09/14/2023 13:50     Subject: Older men hugging younger women at work, on camera in public
You can’t always say something without being afraid of retaliation. I personally think affection like hugging is not appropriate at work. On your own time, out of the office, whatever. But it sets the wrong tone and can make people really uncomfortable, especially if they are lower on the food chain. When I was younger I tolerated a lot of things I would NOT tolerate now.
Anonymous
Post 09/14/2023 13:49     Subject: Older men hugging younger women at work, on camera in public
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:It is not ok if the women did not consent. I got pushed into a wall, arm squeezed, called "baby" by a man at work. In not one of those instances did he ask my permission. Many men feel entitled to women's bodies. Unwanted touch is not ok.


+1. We are seeing a lot of this at my agency in connection with the push for RTO. Older, white upper managers missed this aspect of work "culture" and they want everyone back to experience it. The union keeps the most egregious abuses at bay but there's only so much they can do to protect us from this.


This is so true. The old guys just want to be in person to check out the young ladies. Keep an eye out for the young women in your office, they may not know when a guy is acting inappropriately (like no, bear hugs aren’t ok) or if they’re a subordinate, they aren’t comfortable telling the older guy to stop
Anonymous
Post 09/14/2023 13:48     Subject: Older men hugging younger women at work, on camera in public
These are grown women. If they have a problem with it, they can open their mouths and say something. Unless someone is hugging you, you need to butt out.

BTW, I am a legal secretary and have hugged older, partners who are men at work. We are a law firm where people become friends, people do personal favors for other employees. People lend cars, drop off soup, invite employees to bring their kids to their home to meet a new puppy, etc. Hugging is not weird at my firm.