Anonymous
Post 09/11/2023 12:12     Subject: Food demands when helping out a friend?
Ugh. I had a standing playdate arrangement for a neighbor/widowed/single mom because I truly wanted to help. I had her DC play with mine while she took her other DC to a therapy appointment. Did this for one school yr. Not only did I ever get a thank you but she never asked nor appreciated that by the time DC was picked up, snacks were given and sometimes dinner. I began feeling really under appreciated and taken advantage of by her in other ways so I let this arrangement drop. Stopped offering.
Anonymous
Post 09/11/2023 12:05     Subject: Food demands when helping out a friend?
that mother has some heavy duty balls
Anonymous
Post 09/11/2023 12:04     Subject: Food demands when helping out a friend?
It would depend for me if I got the vibe the mom felt entitled and was taking advantage, or whether she is in crisis mode with her parent and is considering you a friend who she feels comfortable being vulnerable that she doesn’t have it together right now.

I know I am forever grateful to friends who came through for me and my kids when our family faced a medical crisis and who I felt comfortable telling what I really needed.
Anonymous
Post 09/11/2023 11:58     Subject: Food demands when helping out a friend?
Anonymous wrote:I would just get the snacks, then be very wary about agreeing to do favors in the future.


+1 This. It's hard to tell from the post whether the mom is regularly rude/thoughtless or just very overwhelmed and not handling things very well. I'd try to give her the benefit of the doubt and just get the snacks, do the favor I already promised, and let it roll off my back. Sometimes we don't handle things perfectly and I'd hope for the same grace if I was going through a tough spot. But I'd pay attention to how she acts going forward - does she try to repay the favor? Is she more thoughtful and appreciative of other people's time when she's not in crisis mode? And decide how helpful I want to be going forward based on that.
Anonymous
Post 09/11/2023 11:52     Subject: Food demands when helping out a friend?
I would pick up the snack if I had the time and money. I would just say “please send a snack” if couldn’t accommodate a kid. He will live for a day without a snack.

Some people are unrepentant moochers and takers. Some people are really bad at communicating. Some people are normally fine and fall apart under stress.

I’d treat this week like a one-off event and nip it in the bud if it continues long term.
Anonymous
Post 09/11/2023 11:51     Subject: Food demands when helping out a friend?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I’m watching a classmate/sort of friend of DS after school this week, while his mother attends to some appointments with her parent. It’s been planned for a week. All of a sudden I just received a text that this boy is a picky eater, and can I have specific snacks available so he can eat after school! I’m a bit astounded. I don’t mind providing snacks, but I’m not being paid by this mom, I’m just being kind, and this just feels audacious! Of course I will stop on my way home and grab him something so he doesn’t go hungry, but how would you handle this tonight? Mom is dealing with a lot of stress, so I don’t want to pile it on. But it’s like, pack a snack? Throw me some cash? What should I say?


If she wants special food then she provides it. You are being used and I would put an end to this immediately!


Agree. We had a kid that would go into our pantry and eat what they wanted, and their parent would actually say something to us - like we were the unpaid help. Nope. You have to talk to your kid, he is old enough to understand. We would say no once or twice, and if that kid did not listen, it is not on me.

OP, in your case, the parent provides any special requests, not you.
Anonymous
Post 09/11/2023 11:48     Subject: Re:Food demands when helping out a friend?
Anonymous wrote:She must be really stressed, or she's just kind of a crap parent. Because I have a picky eater and it is EASIER to pack food for her to take somewhere than to try and give someone instructions on what she'll eat and hope they get it right. Even if I said "she'll always eat peanut butter and jelly," the truth is that she will even reject that if the bread is too dark or they try to serve her natural peanut butter or grape jelly.

My kid has never gone to someone else's house for any reason without a lunchbox with food for her in it that I know she'll eat. She's gotten a little less picky in the last year or so, but I still send it "in case of emergencies" because I don't want anyone dealing with my hangry kid, and I also don't want my kid sitting their starving because the food doesn't look or taste right to her.

But I guess if I had a sick parent and was super stressed and panicking, maybe I'd... nope, I'd still pack my kid food because, again, trying to explain to someone what my kid will and won't eat would be MORE stressful than just going to the grocery store on Sunday night and packing snacks for my kid.


Really stress, bull! Lazy and using OP. Kid eats what I offer or goes without. If he has allergies then his mother sends his special food.
Anonymous
Post 09/11/2023 11:44     Subject: Food demands when helping out a friend?
Anonymous wrote:I’m watching a classmate/sort of friend of DS after school this week, while his mother attends to some appointments with her parent. It’s been planned for a week. All of a sudden I just received a text that this boy is a picky eater, and can I have specific snacks available so he can eat after school! I’m a bit astounded. I don’t mind providing snacks, but I’m not being paid by this mom, I’m just being kind, and this just feels audacious! Of course I will stop on my way home and grab him something so he doesn’t go hungry, but how would you handle this tonight? Mom is dealing with a lot of stress, so I don’t want to pile it on. But it’s like, pack a snack? Throw me some cash? What should I say?


If she wants special food then she provides it. You are being used and I would put an end to this immediately!
Anonymous
Post 09/11/2023 11:41     Subject: Food demands when helping out a friend?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I don’t have that available and don’t think I’ll have a chance to get to the store. Would you please send him with a snack (or the week’s snacks on the first day). Thanks!

This was my suggestion, but if you’re going to the store anyway, just grab the snacks. What difference does it make? If he ate your regular snacks, you’d have to replenish them sooner than you otherwise would, so there’s no real doerence unless the snacks are obscenely expensive or hard to find.

I would never ask for cash unless the expense actually impacted my life.


I mean sure, if she is going to the store anyway but that doesn't seem to be the case. My snack cabinet doesn't work like the bolded at all- we always have an extra week or two worth of snacks in case my kids have friends over or a particular snack is more popular than another one. If there was a week where more were eaten I would buy more at my next grocery trip but wouldn't need to make a special trip just for snacks.
Anonymous
Post 09/11/2023 10:48     Subject: Food demands when helping out a friend?
My friend has picky eater friends. If he doesn’t want to eat what we have at our house, he can go home hungry.

It is one thing to let you know about allergies.

If the mom and kid are good friends and grandparent is going through chemo or something like that, I would get a delivery or stop by the store if not too inconvenient.

My daughter is starving after school and no matter what, I pack her extra snacks if she is going to someone’s house.

You can say we don’t have that specific snack. Please send your kid with X snack if he wants that. We have goldfish, blueberries and apples.
Anonymous
Post 09/11/2023 10:36     Subject: Food demands when helping out a friend?
I would just get the snack.
Anonymous
Post 09/11/2023 10:35     Subject: Food demands when helping out a friend?
Honestly, if I could afford it, I would just let it go, and buy whatever snacks the kid wants. It sounds like a really stressful time for the kid and the mom, and I am sure they are not at their best. You are doing a good thing, so do it with grace.

Going forward, I might be a little more attuned to whether this particular mom is a taker more generally, but I would not read too much into this one incident.
Anonymous
Post 09/11/2023 10:32     Subject: Food demands when helping out a friend?
I don’t cater to pickyness. I might pick up one item or have it delivered, but I’d probably put out the same food I would for my kid. Quite a few of our daughters friends have astonished their parents by the things they are at our home because that’s what was put in front of them.
Anonymous
Post 09/11/2023 10:22     Subject: Re:Food demands when helping out a friend?
I would cut her some slack. If you have never dealt with a sick parent or elder care before, it can be really stressful. It was a rude request, but this is probably not her at her best and you will need some grace when your time comes.
Anonymous
Post 09/11/2023 10:19     Subject: Food demands when helping out a friend?
It’s rude but then nothing shocks me any more.