Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:At their kid's birthday party, his parents had a simultaneous party for adults where they were getting high? I think that tells you all you need to know about what kind of people these are and how you've been wasting your time trying to arrange anything. I wouldn't want my child around them or at their home. At this point I would stop trying and just tell your son that David is a school friend. I feel sorry for David, though, and for your son. Help your son find other friends or activities to expand his social circle.

Yeah… I told ds after that he isn’t allowed to have sleepovers at David’s house and I’ve only let him go over there when the nanny is there (she seems like the runs the show during the week). I feel sorry for David too, I have heard him asking his parents if he can do various things (including play with my son) and they are really dismissive.

I wouldn't say this to a kid, it's likely to get repeated and then the parents may cut off the friendship entirely. You are free to decline any invites but I'd nix the editorializing if you want your son to have access to this kid, even at school.

If he's having playdates and sleepover invites? I am not seeing that there is not socializing? You seem very judgmental of the parents (perhaps with reason) but they likely have picked up on that and thus the perfunctory responses with no follow through. OP, are you bad at reading social cues? I get your kid likes this boy but the other parents have NO obligation to you OR your son. Read the room and model moving on. I'd really watch speaking negatively about families unless you want to burn any relationship your kid has with the child. I get them not responding in the way you want is disappointing but you are not helping the situation.

I guarantee you "David" is interchangeable with dozens of boys of similar social background. We don't need to encourage OP's notion that David is superspecial or irreplaceable. OP's child can and will move on.

I have been through the same thing with my oldest child where some of her school friends' parents didn't want to foster friendships beyond their existing network. What these friendships all had in common was that the parents were much much older. As in Moms who who were in their 40s and dads who were in their 50s when the child was born. Older people are too stuck in their ways and too tired to make new friends. After I noticed this was the common denominator, I started guiding my kids to make friends with kids whose parents were younger, even though we too are older parents. It was a game changer in terms of kids' friendships.

The parents sound like partiers and super social, and likely hang out with parents they like (probably other partiers) while the kids tag along. They may be picking up on some judgment from you, but more likely you are just not their type. The friendships are more based on the adults than the kids. Extremely common at this age, and absolutely changes by middle school when kids start making their own plans.

That’s my guess, anyway. I’d branch out and reach out to other friends for play dates. Continue to encourage the school friendship with the boy in question.

I'd tell DS it seems like David's parents want them to just be school friends, so we're going to back off trying to arrange playdates with David and just enjoy him at school and on Facetime, and focus on playdates with other kids. Then I'd suggest a couple other kids.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a former Nanny I think you should coordinate with the Nanny. If you had asked the parents of my kids for a play date during my time they would have asked me to reach out to you. Or suggested you coordinate through me.
Another idea is when the kids are FaceTiming, tell David to go get parent so you can ask about playdate, do it over FaceTime if need be.

They might actually think you are planning with the nanny. When they reply "sounds great!" They might think the nanny's taking care of it.

Other kids' parents might be coordinating with the nanny.

Likely, or their caregiver is.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:At their kid's birthday party, his parents had a simultaneous party for adults where they were getting high? I think that tells you all you need to know about what kind of people these are and how you've been wasting your time trying to arrange anything. I wouldn't want my child around them or at their home. At this point I would stop trying and just tell your son that David is a school friend. I feel sorry for David, though, and for your son. Help your son find other friends or activities to expand his social circle.

Yeah… I told ds after that he isn’t allowed to have sleepovers at David’s house and I’ve only let him go over there when the nanny is there (she seems like the runs the show during the week). I feel sorry for David too, I have heard him asking his parents if he can do various things (including play with my son) and they are really dismissive.

I wouldn't say this to a kid, it's likely to get repeated and then the parents may cut off the friendship entirely. You are free to decline any invites but I'd nix the editorializing if you want your son to have access to this kid, even at school.

If he's having playdates and sleepover invites? I am not seeing that there is not socializing? You seem very judgmental of the parents (perhaps with reason) but they likely have picked up on that and thus the perfunctory responses with no follow through. OP, are you bad at reading social cues? I get your kid likes this boy but the other parents have NO obligation to you OR your son. Read the room and model moving on. I'd really watch speaking negatively about families unless you want to burn any relationship your kid has with the child. I get them not responding in the way you want is disappointing but you are not helping the situation.

DCUM is really hostile to the idea that school friendships can be sustained in the absence of playdates and sleepovers, but they truly can last even when the only interaction is at school. Elementary school is a short phase, and when kids hit middle school and high school, they make their own arrangements to hang out. Your son will make new and lose old friends continuously throughout his life.

Sounds like you are dodging a bullet with them using substances in front of kids.

My 4th grade DS is also friends with a kid with a nanny. All playdates are managed by that nanny.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There’s nothing to handle. They are under no obligation to respond to anything that you send them, nor are they under any obligation to set up play dates just because your son wants them.

Their son wants them too, at least that’s what he says whenever I hear them speaking.

You just keep telling the child to tell his parents to contact you. You can say you've texted and never heard back. Just keep lobbying that ball back to the kid to pass the message along.

It's ok to have friends you mostly only see in school.