OP is a troll and has started numerous threads on this subject, the last one very recently.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If your child had various “false starts” and seemed very under engaged in college, at what point did you pull the plug and say we’re done for now, time to work and revisit later? Thanks.

I'll make sure kid has mental health support and there is no ADHD or anxiety etc making it difficult for him.

I'll also make sure that he is getting proper academic support from college and is enrolled in major suitable to his strengths.

I'll also encourage mire socialization, joining extracurriculars, finding mentors, attending office hours and finding a steady girlfriend to get him involved in college life.

So, you are ready to offload him on some unsuspecting woman? Young women are not dating to be someone's "support".

What exactly is wrong with finding a suitable woman for him to marry? This is completely normal in our culture where we come from.

Well it's not normal here and it's really not acceptable anywhere. Someone who cannot manage to figure out college or a viable career path for themselves is not ready to be "married off to someone". He needs to help/find himself before he should worry about finding a partner

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thanks to many of you for the helpful replies. And no, I have never thought that college is a must. That’s why I’m trying to help my child sort this out. It is fascinating that everybody assumes it’s a boy. It’s not. And yes to the post to say it is a series of conversations and also to really think through a Plan B. I think that’s where I get stuck and honestly where my child gets stuck as well.

What does she like to do? That might help people give you better feedback.

Does she want to stay in college?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why do so many American parents find it difficult to accept most people simply are not cut out for a university education?

In Europe, we all accept the reality only a small percentage of the population are actually meant to attend university.

There are plenty of other careers for those who are not headed to university.

Americans have a weird hang-up about college. Your child not finishing is not the end of the world, but many here pretend it is.

I’m European. It feels like in the US a lot of jobs require a college degree that can be done with an apprenticeship in Europe.

+1 totally agree. A degree in the US has become meaningless almost. IMO, most jobs really don't require degrees. Even in tech, most of it can be learned on the job.

Unfortunately, that's not the American way.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If your child had various “false starts” and seemed very under engaged in college, at what point did you pull the plug and say we’re done for now, time to work and revisit later? Thanks.

I'll make sure kid has mental health support and there is no ADHD or anxiety etc making it difficult for him.

I'll also make sure that he is getting proper academic support from college and is enrolled in major suitable to his strengths.

I'll also encourage mire socialization, joining extracurriculars, finding mentors, attending office hours and finding a steady girlfriend to get him involved in college life.

So, you are ready to offload him on some unsuspecting woman? Young women are not dating to be someone's "support".

What exactly is wrong with finding a suitable woman for him to marry? This is completely normal in our culture where we come from.

1. Your intention for finding him a "suitable" woman to marry is not about finding a life partner, but getting the woman to straighten him up
2. Your DS is immature. The last thing he needs is to get married.

Stop coddling your son and expecting a wife to be his mother and take care of him.

-Asian American mother of a college freshman boy.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If your child had various “false starts” and seemed very under engaged in college, at what point did you pull the plug and say we’re done for now, time to work and revisit later? Thanks.

I'll make sure kid has mental health support and there is no ADHD or anxiety etc making it difficult for him.

I'll also make sure that he is getting proper academic support from college and is enrolled in major suitable to his strengths.

I'll also encourage mire socialization, joining extracurriculars, finding mentors, attending office hours and finding a steady girlfriend to get him involved in college life.

So, you are ready to offload him on some unsuspecting woman? Young women are not dating to be someone's "support".

+1 seriously. What woman now a days wants to sign up for being a man's mother? ew

-53 yr old woman

Everything is better with a college degree. Get the degree. Then go, do whatever. If he can graduate high school, he can go to college - somewhere.

Anonymous wrote:Why do so many American parents find it difficult to accept most people simply are not cut out for a university education?

In Europe, we all accept the reality only a small percentage of the population are actually meant to attend university.

There are plenty of other careers for those who are not headed to university.

Americans have a weird hang-up about college. Your child not finishing is not the end of the world, but many here pretend it is.

I’m European. It feels like in the US a lot of jobs require a college degree that can be done with an apprenticeship in Europe.

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thanks to many of you for the helpful replies. And no, I have never thought that college is a must. That’s why I’m trying to help my child sort this out. It is fascinating that everybody assumes it’s a boy. It’s not. And yes to the post to say it is a series of conversations and also to really think through a Plan B. I think that’s where I get stuck and honestly where my child gets stuck as well.

In the same situation, OP. All of the posters above make fair points. I would argue that a solid majority of those who start (a 4-year) college IN THE US don't belong there (having taught university myself). Our intent in the US was to democratize the university, a laudable goal. However, making everyone conform to a University/college model is too cookie-cutter to account for students' diversity of interests and talents, and it can create more problems than it solves (e.g., mental health, identity, student loan debt). Of course, those that point out that average income earnings are higher for those with bachelor's degrees (and depending on where you live, you now have to have at least a Master's degree to earn such incomes) aren't wrong either. The data support their positions (see Brookings Institution website).

The challenge in so many metro areas, in particular, is that there aren't many Plan Bs available in the US--certainly nowhere near what's available in other countries in Western Europe, Canada, etc., which have far more vocational training options available for careers that pay well. I've also seen more vocational programs in rural Virginia and other smaller American towns, beginning in high school and carrying through to post-secondary programs, but they are sorely lacking in the DMV.

I'm trying to convince my DC that there are many ways to earn degrees, whether associate's, bachelor's, etc. (e.g., combine with PT work; online degrees; 4-year commuter options) AND that the time isn't right for many until they have more clarity regarding their interests and/or greater maturity. The formualic approach taken to high school in affluent areas, which for many undermines necessary exploration to discover interests and talents, isn't helping. The result as I see it is that some exploration that used to happen during the high school years is delayed until college, which can create havoc for some students (and greater tuition layout on the part of parents, debt for the students). That relative lack of exploration is affecting not only academic courses but also a formulaic (and somewhat externally dictated) approach to extracurriculars.

Back in the day, when college was less expensive and not as pre-professional as it is today, students could afford to explore. Now,
impractical" courses and majors are being cut in secondary and higher ed, and sky-high tuition/room and board (and student debt) are increasing pressure on students to pursue certain degrees that they may not be suited for or even like.

- Stills seeking Plan Bs

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thanks to many of you for the helpful replies. And no, I have never thought that college is a must. That’s why I’m trying to help my child sort this out. It is fascinating that everybody assumes it’s a boy. It’s not. And yes to the post to say it is a series of conversations and also to really think through a Plan B. I think that’s where I get stuck and honestly where my child gets stuck as well.

There are plenty of non-college careers out there. I am sure she will land on her feet. It helps she has a supportive mom like you.

OP here. Thanks to many of you for the helpful replies. And no, I have never thought that college is a must. That’s why I’m trying to help my child sort this out. It is fascinating that everybody assumes it’s a boy. It’s not. And yes to the post to say it is a series of conversations and also to really think through a Plan B. I think that’s where I get stuck and honestly where my child gets stuck as well.

Anonymous wrote:Why do so many American parents find it difficult to accept most people simply are not cut out for a university education?

In Europe, we all accept the reality only a small percentage of the population are actually meant to attend university.

There are plenty of other careers for those who are not headed to university.

Americans have a weird hang-up about college. Your child not finishing is not the end of the world, but many here pretend it is.

Because it is much, much harder to have the basic necessities in US without a college degree. You know, those pesky things like health insurance, time off work for health reasons, etc.

My in-laws live in Germany. My SIL supported the family by working as a salesperson in a gourmet store (like an upscale grocery shop). Her salary paid for a very nice 1 bdr apartment and living expenses, including some travels, while BIL was in graduate school. Of course, there is less to worry.

Why do so many American parents find it difficult to accept most people simply are not cut out for a university education?

In Europe, we all accept the reality only a small percentage of the population are actually meant to attend university.

There are plenty of other careers for those who are not headed to university.

Americans have a weird hang-up about college. Your child not finishing is not the end of the world, but many here pretend it is.

I would say, time for a non college career that can be done with an associates degree: plumber, electrician, hair stylist, auto mechanic, health tech of some sort and so on. Look at your local community college course listings.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If your child had various “false starts” and seemed very under engaged in college, at what point did you pull the plug and say we’re done for now, time to work and revisit later? Thanks.

I'll make sure kid has mental health support and there is no ADHD or anxiety etc making it difficult for him.

I'll also make sure that he is getting proper academic support from college and is enrolled in major suitable to his strengths.

I'll also encourage mire socialization, joining extracurriculars, finding mentors, attending office hours and finding a steady girlfriend to get him involved in college life.

So, you are ready to offload him on some unsuspecting woman? Young women are not dating to be someone's "support".

What exactly is wrong with finding a suitable woman for him to marry? This is completely normal in our culture where we come from.