Anonymous wrote:You kicked her out for no apparent reason. Doesn't sound like she was an addict or a loser. She works. That's not a huge income. Budget is probably tight. If you have no need for her, why should she need you? In many cultures (including European ones) children live with parents until marriage. Living with you allows the child to pay down debt, save for a house, and contribute to retirement. It sounds like you went according to a preconceived notion that children must move out by a certain age and you felt embarrassed in front of friends and figured she'd move out and then you could tell your friends how you guys go to lunch and the spa together all the time...

In many other countries, parents don't spend beaucoup bucks on college education in order for their kids to be able to stand on their own two feet. If after spending so much money on a college education, and the AC cannot stand on their own after a year, then maybe they need to get a roommate, cut back on spending, and figure out what they can do to be able to stand on their own.

Many of those cultures where AC live at home till they get married are conservative, and pre-marital sex is frowned upon.

When my college kid graduates, I'll be happy to have them live at home for a year to save some money, even though they will have zero loans and actually have some money leftover in the 529 (thanks to merit aid). But, after a year of working, they should figure out how to really fly out of the nest. I have already taught them how to budget and the value of earning, so they should be able to do it.

Otherwise, we did it wrong.

-signed an Asian American

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She probably is busy riding the struggle bus.

$70k is downright poor in this area. I know because my sister only makes $68k as a single teacher at age 28 and she really struggles. She does DoorDash and Instacart on the side. She also picks up waitress shifts from time to time. And I'll loan her money on occasion or pay for her to travel or go to events with me.

She makes about $3900 each month. Her rent is $1975. Add in other expenses and there's not a lot leftover for savings or fun.

Yes, in a high COL area, lots of people have roommates. Your sister must value solitude more than savings or fun...

Exactly. A 27 or 28 year old making $70,000 is not terrible. They aren't rich but they shouldn't be starving either.

I am a US citizen, but spent my childhood years growing up in Ecuador. What I have observed is that in Ecuador, it was commonplace to see adult children, especially unmarried adult children still living at home with their parents. I suspect that many of these people shared the living quarters with family not because they necessarily wanted to, but for economic reasons. Many simply could not afford to pay their own rent.

In the US, it is frowned upon in popular culture if you are an adult still living at home with your parents. People automatically assume that these people have some sort of problem, without taking any circumstances or hardships they may be experiencing into consideration.

However, I believe that as the affordable housing crisis worsens, this living arrangement will become more commonplace and accepted. Anecdotally, I have seen in my local area that often times Hispanic and Asian families will live in an extended family situation. Especially if the family are new immigrants to the country, you might see adult cousins or brothers and sisters living with an aunt or uncle.

As others have stated, you don’t know the full picture of why the person lives with his or her parents. Is it due to an illness or disability? Is it due to to the affordability of housing in the local market?

I agree that I think there is a big difference between an adult living with their parents who pays his or her share of the bills and an adult who is freeloading off the parents. I suspect that it’s that image of “the freeloader” who captures the popular imagination and gives the whole idea a bad name and social stigma. But these days, I honestly don’t believe that to be the norm. I believe it’s a host of economic, personal, medical, and social circumstances conspiring to keep adults and their parents in a closer living arrangement.

I would love to see statistics and research conducted on how many adults in extremely high cost markets such as New York City, Washington, DC, and San Francisco are still living with parents because there are no jobs that pay enough in order to afford the exorbitant rents or mortgages in said cities.

The girl has time to talk to her mom, who was subsidizing her lifestyle for years. Mom - it's time to tell her to stop being passive aggressive and to clear the air if she is upset at you.

Anonymous wrote:She probably is busy riding the struggle bus.

$70k is downright poor in this area. I know because my sister only makes $68k as a single teacher at age 28 and she really struggles. She does DoorDash and Instacart on the side. She also picks up waitress shifts from time to time. And I'll loan her money on occasion or pay for her to travel or go to events with me.

She makes about $3900 each month. Her rent is $1975. Add in other expenses and there's not a lot leftover for savings or fun.

Yes, in a high COL area, lots of people have roommates. Your sister must value solitude more than savings or fun...

She probably is busy riding the struggle bus.

$70k is downright poor in this area. I know because my sister only makes $68k as a single teacher at age 28 and she really struggles. She does DoorDash and Instacart on the side. She also picks up waitress shifts from time to time. And I'll loan her money on occasion or pay for her to travel or go to events with me.

She makes about $3900 each month. Her rent is $1975. Add in other expenses and there's not a lot leftover for savings or fun.

yes, a rare reason to boomerang, a special need, a very specific strategic plan --- otherwise, yes, they need to be on their own.

Most 27 year olds *should* have moved out.

Anonymous wrote:7 months ago I asked my 27 year old to move out to an apartment so she can start living independently, (her income is about $70,000)
she moved out 2 months ago, and haven't talked to me in months. Every time I called she tells me she's busy....
Was it a bad idea to make her move out? Should I just tell her to move back in, and live home for how long as she wants?

May be she really is busy with work, setting up new place and likely more socialization. Why not ask her to tell when she'll be available so you can drop her house warming gift. Also take some of her fav dishes in disposable Tupperware. It may help break the ice.

I think 27 is fine to move out. I have a 29 year old cousin who lived at home and then after a few years quit his job to use his “saved money” to travel. He’s home again and jobless.

Does DD have student loans? Is she saving for grad school or a house? If she has loans I think I would maybe feel differently, but maybe then you ask her to pay rent to live with you at a lower rate so she knows about saving for rent and associated costs. A close friend lived at home after college for 3 years and his parents made him pay $300 a month in rent and mow the yard (which was nothing even back then) and when he moved out they gave him a check with the amount plus interest that it made in the account.

At some point kids should move out otherwise they may live there forever. I lived with 3 roommates and did just fine. Teaches you how to budget, live with others, etc. if there’s an end date and a goal (save grad school, pay off student loans, save for house), fine, but get it in writing.

Anonymous wrote:Are you a pirate

You are amazing 😆

At age 27, she had 5 years after college to live in parent’s home. Plenty of time to save money.

Leave her alone. I'm surprised she hadn't wanted to move out long ago. She'll come around.
You may have sounded harsh, but what's done is done. You should have offered to help her pay for a year or two to launch her softly.
This European 'staying at home until married' must be Southern European thing. Not happening in the north where independence is value. Only the very poor (some kind of mental problem usually) without good career prospects stay with family. Many move away in high school already as there are few, they are mostly in cities and towns and they have dormitories.
Schooling is cheap, so most go. Friends over family any time from teens to about 27.

Anonymous wrote:OP, you did the right thing. She will "come back to you" for visits, as it should be.

Then again, maybe she won't.

There's a lot that OP didn't describe. Was DD contributing at all to household expenses? Was DD pitching in re chores like taking out the trash, cooking any meals? Was DD talking to OP, hanging out with OP, ---basically engaging with OP as a fellow family member--or just using OP as a free boarding house. Did DD have any annoying pets, or bad habits (like vaping, smoking weed). What transpired so that OP asked her to move out, and upon what time frame?