Anonymous
Post 09/04/2023 11:55     Subject: Written agreement as a compromise
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:If one spouse doesn't want a dog as much as OP doesn't want a dog, there shouldn't be a dog


No kidding. Does your dh realize your level of hatred for dogs?


I don’t think hatred is an appropriate accusation. There’s no abuse intended. It’s like saying people who don’t want kids hate them.
Anonymous
Post 09/04/2023 11:54     Subject: Written agreement as a compromise
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Okay but what would you do? Spouse just left for work and dog is whining at the empty water bowl. Do you give the dog a little water? Make spouse come back? Leave the dog thirsty even though you're home all day? Charge spouse a tax?

Trust me if the dog has diarrhea one day you won't be casually just leaving that for spouse's eventual return.

This won't work. Dogs are living beings. If you dislike them so much you will not like how much they affect your life. It will not be possible for the dog to be a spouse thing separate from you. There will be too many lines crossed. There will be too many possible situations you will have to step in, and ultimately the dog won't understand why it communicates to you but you won't meet its need thus making it really hard to properly train and socialize the dog.


Have you realized that what you described is why the OP doesn’t want a dog?


But the PPs point is that what she described is the exact reason an agreement wouldn’t work. It’s not logistically feasible for OP.
Anonymous
Post 09/04/2023 11:49     Subject: Written agreement as a compromise
Anonymous wrote:Okay but what would you do? Spouse just left for work and dog is whining at the empty water bowl. Do you give the dog a little water? Make spouse come back? Leave the dog thirsty even though you're home all day? Charge spouse a tax?

Trust me if the dog has diarrhea one day you won't be casually just leaving that for spouse's eventual return.

This won't work. Dogs are living beings. If you dislike them so much you will not like how much they affect your life. It will not be possible for the dog to be a spouse thing separate from you. There will be too many lines crossed. There will be too many possible situations you will have to step in, and ultimately the dog won't understand why it communicates to you but you won't meet its need thus making it really hard to properly train and socialize the dog.




Have you realized that what you described is why the OP doesn’t want a dog?
Anonymous
Post 09/04/2023 10:58     Subject: Re:Written agreement as a compromise
I’m the caregiver in our house. I do 90% of the work of caring for our dog (and the kids!), but I got extremely sick last winter and couldn’t take care of anybody else, so my spouse and kids took care of the dog for a week. After everything I do for everyone else on a regular basis, I would have been furious if they made my dog suffer while I was sick. I don’t expect other people to be regular caregivers for my dog, but when you’re a family, you help each other out in a jam.
Anonymous
Post 09/04/2023 10:57     Subject: Written agreement as a compromise
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Spouse really wants a dog and I don’t. I don’t see the point of pet ownership to begin with but anyway, I’m thinking if this is a hill to die on, then I would want us to sign a written agreement first to indicate that Spouse understands I will spend zero time, money, and effort on this dog. This means that Spouse has to understand I’m never going to do any of the following such as walking the dog, paying for medical needs, or cleaning up dog poop/pee/vomit on the carpet. Spouse can do all of that and I do not want to help in any way with regards to the dog. Has anyone done this and how did it work out for you at home?


OP: Do you feel the same way about children ?


Frankly, if there aren’t two yeses, then both children and pets should be off the table.
Anonymous
Post 09/04/2023 10:48     Subject: Written agreement as a compromise
We have a dog, one that I wanted more than my spouse. I told him I would take care of everything! So we got the dog. Spouse loves the dog and yet I still ended up doing most of the care because I said I would, before we even met the dog.

There was a LOT of animosity and I was very angry and bitter. Because DH was “benefitting” from our family pet yet I was doing all of the work.

We had a knock down, drag out fight and finally ended up on the same page. It took a long time. We should have communicated honestly from the get-go.
Anonymous
Post 09/04/2023 10:43     Subject: Written agreement as a compromise
Anonymous wrote:If one spouse doesn't want a dog as much as OP doesn't want a dog, there shouldn't be a dog


No kidding. Does your dh realize your level of hatred for dogs?
Anonymous
Post 09/04/2023 10:38     Subject: Written agreement as a compromise
You need a marriage counselor, not a new pet.
Anonymous
Post 09/04/2023 10:33     Subject: Written agreement as a compromise
Seems a conversation not a contract is in order. The contract seems a rigid approach.

Imagine the scenario with children. Did one of partner want children more or less than the other? Imagine developing a ratio for child rearing — 87%/13%? Will a contract be developed in the same way when children enter the picture?

Anonymous
Post 09/04/2023 10:26     Subject: Written agreement as a compromise
Just get divorced.
Anonymous
Post 09/04/2023 10:24     Subject: Written agreement as a compromise
You need therapy. Seriously, there is something very wrong with you. Did a dog attack you at some point? Being married involves compromises. The fact that your mind went to this insane place over a poor defenseless animal that you haven’t even met yet is bonkers.
Anonymous
Post 09/04/2023 10:10     Subject: Written agreement as a compromise
Anonymous wrote:Spouse really wants a dog and I don’t. I don’t see the point of pet ownership to begin with but anyway, I’m thinking if this is a hill to die on, then I would want us to sign a written agreement first to indicate that Spouse understands I will spend zero time, money, and effort on this dog. This means that Spouse has to understand I’m never going to do any of the following such as walking the dog, paying for medical needs, or cleaning up dog poop/pee/vomit on the carpet. Spouse can do all of that and I do not want to help in any way with regards to the dog. Has anyone done this and how did it work out for you at home?


No normal person would ask their spouse to sign an agreement like this. It reeks of selfishment and entitlement.
Anonymous
Post 09/04/2023 10:05     Subject: Written agreement as a compromise
Sorry, you're married. If the dog shows up, at the least it's getting family money spent to care for it, and it's going to be doing it's thing in the house.

You can't just ignore it and have your same old life.
Anonymous
Post 09/04/2023 08:23     Subject: Written agreement as a compromise
My money says that she ends up loving the dog.
Anonymous
Post 09/04/2023 08:21     Subject: Written agreement as a compromise
Okay but what would you do? Spouse just left for work and dog is whining at the empty water bowl. Do you give the dog a little water? Make spouse come back? Leave the dog thirsty even though you're home all day? Charge spouse a tax?

Trust me if the dog has diarrhea one day you won't be casually just leaving that for spouse's eventual return.

This won't work. Dogs are living beings. If you dislike them so much you will not like how much they affect your life. It will not be possible for the dog to be a spouse thing separate from you. There will be too many lines crossed. There will be too many possible situations you will have to step in, and ultimately the dog won't understand why it communicates to you but you won't meet its need thus making it really hard to properly train and socialize the dog.