Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We don’t allow sleepovers, period. Why are people so outraged and appalled by a “no” to sleepovers? It’s bizarre.

My kids have traveled with school groups and sports, gone out of town with relatives, etc. We can easily say a simple “no, sorry” to a party or anything else as needed, but no to a sleepover in a private home is met with “oh no! why not?! what other dates work?!” from other parents and their kids. I just don’t get why it is so important and why such a big push for these events.

A strict “no sleepovers” policy is too often borne out of a parent’s transphobic prejudice.

I think it’s former sexual assault or childhood abuse.

This. The parent is likely a survivor of childhood sexual abuse.

I am not a fan of sleepovers. I have trauma from one of mine where I was assaulted. However, recently I allowed my daughter to sleep over at a close friend’s house that I’ve known for years. It was fine except they stayed up too late and it took 2 days to recover. My daughter was so happy I allowed it.

I am not American, so I did not grow up with sleepovers. The kids love eating junk, watching a movie, doing each other hair and playing.

We allow sleepovers with 2 other families that we know very well. All other invites, we offer to pick up early like many other families (late over).

We just hosted one, it is exhausting for everyone but the kids love it. I only do it every once in a while.

I would recommend to find one family or 2 you are comfortable with, so they can still have the experience and not feel left out. My 2 cents.

It isn't the sleepovers are important, but developing independence and relationships outside of their family is important. There are other ways to do this outside of sleepovers.

I was generally ok with sleepovers in elementary school. My kids went to a small private school where I knew the kids and their families well. Now in middle school, I have more reservations. If I don't know (and like) the kid and family, then no to a sleepover

Anonymous wrote:I wasn’t allowed sleepovers and hated my parents for it. Lead to me being excluded. My parents are anxious people and it negatively impacted me big time.

Generational trauma. I'm sorry, that is hard!

I loved sleepovers and I was never assaulted nor pressured to do anything I didn't want to do. I know others aren't as lucky, but I have many friends from different walks of life that had similar experiences and so it's not a big scary thing for me. I don't love that my kids are crabs the next day due to lack of sleep, but an occasional sleepover is just fun so we allow it.

I think they teach independence etc. but you do you. My 3 kids have never had friends who couldn't do sleepover.

I wasn’t allowed sleepovers and hated my parents for it. Lead to me being excluded. My parents are anxious people and it negatively impacted me big time.

It's usually folks with oppressive religious backgrounds IME who oppose sleepovers for their children.

OP, trust me, no one is "outraged" that you won't send your child. They're just trying to find another time that works. Tell the other family "Sorry, we don't do sleepovers" and that will be that.

Anonymous wrote:We don’t allow sleepovers, period. Why are people so outraged and appalled by a “no” to sleepovers? It’s bizarre.

My kids have traveled with school groups and sports, gone out of town with relatives, etc. We can easily say a simple “no, sorry” to a party or anything else as needed, but no to a sleepover in a private home is met with “oh no! why not?! what other dates work?!” from other parents and their kids. I just don’t get why it is so important and why such a big push for these events.

You are getting this reaction because your refusal is antisocial and people genuinely believe you are depriving your children of a commonplace activity that strengthens friendships.

9:47 again. There are a couple of girls that never sleepover with the group and go home at around 10. Would you allow that, so your kid could still go to a party?

I think people are being polite and trying to include your kid in a party. You are reading too much into this.

I was the kid who called my parents in the middle of the night to pick me up. By the time I was a teen, I knew my own room and bed was preferred so I left late.

We hate hosting sleepovers. They are loud and no one in the house gets a good night sleep. BUT one child loves them and has large group sleepovers almost every week. Sometimes we are our turn and host. We don’t care one bit of yours gets picked up late or doesn’t come at all.

Your kid has friends who enjoy their company, and vice versa.

Try to imagine what it's like to be that sort of person.

Sleepovers are fun for kids period. What is there to not understand about staying up with your friends and hanging out for a long time? I would think it's self explanatory? I get not being into it if you have any doubt about responsible parents but I actually think less could go wrong than going on field trips where there's a lot of kids going somewhere and not a guarantee of 1:1 oversight.

I think you are reading into this too much. Nothing of what you mentioned screams important or being appalled. They simply asked if another day works for you. They are being nice. Say no thanks. End of that.