Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Tell his parents. (What would you want your future SIL/DIL to do?) Do you have any friends who are doctors? Is there any kind of service where a doctor can come to the house? Or can you send info to his PCP, if DH has a good relationship with them, and see what they say?

He does not have a PCP and he hasn’t seen a doctor since he broke his ankle 10years ago.

He sees a chiropractor and I’m thinking I may rope her in. I cannot believe she has not said anything to him.

Chiropractors are quacks, but if he believes in her, by all means talk to her.

That is the only sort of medical/health related person he sees.

I have reached out to people he will see tomorrow. One is a nurse.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Tell his parents. (What would you want your future SIL/DIL to do?) Do you have any friends who are doctors? Is there any kind of service where a doctor can come to the house? Or can you send info to his PCP, if DH has a good relationship with them, and see what they say?

He does not have a PCP and he hasn’t seen a doctor since he broke his ankle 10years ago.

He sees a chiropractor and I’m thinking I may rope her in. I cannot believe she has not said anything to him.

Chiropractors are quacks, but if he believes in her, by all means talk to her.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Will he go if you make the appointment and go with him?

Tried that and all I got was screaming.

Scream back.

Your husband is literally wasting away in front of you. That is not your fault, but you are in denial. And you have likely been living with the situation so long that you are too close to it to see and absorb the truth.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Will he go if you make the appointment and go with him?

Tried that and all I got was screaming.

This was my mom the last 6-9 months of her life. But her weight loss was accompanied by signifacant abdominal bloating and other symptoms she hid. She finally went to the doctor and got a scan and bloodwork and a terminal cancer diagnosis. She died 33 days later of pancreatic cancer.

I’m sorry for your loss. How did you finally get her to see a doctor to get diagnosed?

She had to go to the ER for an infection. Does your dh have any other symptoms you can observe?

Yep could be cancer, diabetes or I was thinking could be an IBD like Crohn's and I might suspect the issues could be in small intestine where you absorb nutrients. This may be a long journey, but it all starts with Dr. visit and bloodwork-coth PCP and GI. I would maqke him an appointment with a gastroenterologist now because there is always a waitlist. By the time his appointment comes, hopefully you will have convinced him.

I am normally a fan of letting adults make their own poor decisions if they refuse to listen, but in this case he could be literally killing himself with this decision so I would rat him out.

My own husband was like this. He once got so violently I called an ambulance. The ER doctor assigned to him shamed him for never getting a checkup or seeing any doctors. She was really mean to him in his weakened state and told him to stop being a baby, but it woke him up. I had to to ditch him in the ER to pick up our kids and then come back so I didn't get to witness the shaming, but I heard about it. He had all sorts of issues that could have been minor if he had gone to even urgent care earlier.

Over the years he found slacked again and it took another emergency for him to become more compliant.

You’ve done all you can do. He is an adult, and gets to make his own decisions. It sucks, but it is what it is.

Man here. He hasn't seen a Dr. in ten years. Then I would try to coax him in to get an annual physical. I'm assuming he has health insurance. An exam with blood work is probably going to lead to a diagnosis. Having a fear of doctors and the unknown is understandable, but at some point you have to step up and face it. Prolonging this is only going to make the situation worse. Sign weight loss in middle age is a two hurricane flag signal. You may have to call him on his man card. Does he want his epitaph to read, " Premature death because I was too scared to see a Doctor".

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You can only decide what your own actions will be and then stick to that.

I get that, but I’m stuck on how to proceed. I don’t like being manipulative but no amount of talking, expressing concern, making an appointment, etc is working. On top of that I have 2 out of state relatives (and one who recently died) to care for — and two teens one of which is struggling. I am at my limit.

I think there are probably a lot of limitations to telehealth therapy but this seems like a good application. Try one and see if they can help you work through your plan and how to wrestle with your conflicts here.

I had not considered telehealth. Since he does not have a PCP what is the best way to get this started? Do I call insurance or a random doc or something like Patient First?

He will need to be examined, which you can't do over telehealth. But you could still start with telehealth if he'll do it -- that provider can be the one to convince him that he needs a thorough eval.

Thanks everyone. No doctor friends but a couple who are nurses. I feel awful ratting him out but i don’t want to enable this avoidance issue he has.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You can only decide what your own actions will be and then stick to that.

I get that, but I’m stuck on how to proceed. I don’t like being manipulative but no amount of talking, expressing concern, making an appointment, etc is working. On top of that I have 2 out of state relatives (and one who recently died) to care for — and two teens one of which is struggling. I am at my limit.

I think there are probably a lot of limitations to telehealth therapy but this seems like a good application. Try one and see if they can help you work through your plan and how to wrestle with your conflicts here.

I had not considered telehealth. Since he does not have a PCP what is the best way to get this started? Do I call insurance or a random doc or something like Patient First?

Call insurance. They usually have an in network telehealth. The doctor will probably refer him out for blood work, though, and possibly scans.

Just a brainstorm, but any chance you could arrange a house call for him? Or do you have any friends who are doctors or nurses who could comment and coax him?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You can only decide what your own actions will be and then stick to that.

I get that, but I’m stuck on how to proceed. I don’t like being manipulative but no amount of talking, expressing concern, making an appointment, etc is working. On top of that I have 2 out of state relatives (and one who recently died) to care for — and two teens one of which is struggling. I am at my limit.

I think there are probably a lot of limitations to telehealth therapy but this seems like a good application. Try one and see if they can help you work through your plan and how to wrestle with your conflicts here.

I had not considered telehealth. Since he does not have a PCP what is the best way to get this started? Do I call insurance or a random doc or something like Patient First?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You can only decide what your own actions will be and then stick to that.

I get that, but I’m stuck on how to proceed. I don’t like being manipulative but no amount of talking, expressing concern, making an appointment, etc is working. On top of that I have 2 out of state relatives (and one who recently died) to care for — and two teens one of which is struggling. I am at my limit.

I think there are probably a lot of limitations to telehealth therapy but this seems like a good application. Try one and see if they can help you work through your plan and how to wrestle with your conflicts here.

Could also be diabetes

Anonymous wrote:Talk about life insurance and a will. If he gets mad saying you want him to die, tell him you don't want him to die, but you are worried he will if he doesn't take care of himself.

Thanks. I have said that.