Anonymous
Post 09/02/2023 21:06     Subject: Re:Parents who left jobs to stay home, how did your kids react?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Parenting is a marathon, not a sprint so to need to think about this I. The long term. If you choose to stay home will it mean she can’t do the extra curriculars she wants, or go to her preferred college, or in her adulthood have a mother who is economically dependent on her, or guilt trips her over the career she sacrificed?


This is dcum.

My being at home, allowed my kids to actually do all the above and more. Mainly because my DH is a high earner, I am very well educated and we have a great marriage. If my paycheck was needed for college/retirement, if my marriage was not strong, if my DH was not a high earner, if he did not respect, support and want me to be home with our kids, and if I could not outsource many household chores - I would not have stayed at home.

The biggest red flag is that OPs DH does not want her to be a sahm. Case closed. There is not even a debate. This is a troll attempt for starting another sahm-wohm war thread.


I’m also a sahm with a very supportive high earning spouse.

If your Dh is not on board, this is a non starter.


+1, but with the caveat that if your DH is at least open to the idea, and assuming finances are not an issue, he might end up loving it.

My DH was hesitant about me quitting. Not because of finances (he’s a high earner) but because he thought I’d be bored and miss working. He loves it. No more fighting over who is going to pick up the sick kid or cover the snow day. No more rushing home to relieve the nanny. I cover all school events and he can attend what fits in his calendar and not feel guilty about missing others. I now cook our meals rather than us rushing around every night. Etc etc etc.
Anonymous
Post 09/02/2023 13:30     Subject: Parents who left jobs to stay home, how did your kids react?
To answer OP’s question, my kids loved when I stopped working. My oldest was in kindergarten and my younger one was in daycare all day. I was able to enroll my older child in activities and sports. My younger child went to preschool for 3 hours a day obly. He used to hate sitting in the dark for 2 hours when he wasn’t sleepy.
Anonymous
Post 09/02/2023 13:28     Subject: Parents who left jobs to stay home, how did your kids react?
Lots of moms would want to stay home with their kids. Who wouldn’t? The husband has to earn enough and want to support you 100% financially.
Anonymous
Post 09/02/2023 08:46     Subject: Re:Parents who left jobs to stay home, how did your kids react?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Parenting is a marathon, not a sprint so to need to think about this I. The long term. If you choose to stay home will it mean she can’t do the extra curriculars she wants, or go to her preferred college, or in her adulthood have a mother who is economically dependent on her, or guilt trips her over the career she sacrificed?


This is dcum.

My being at home, allowed my kids to actually do all the above and more. Mainly because my DH is a high earner, I am very well educated and we have a great marriage. If my paycheck was needed for college/retirement, if my marriage was not strong, if my DH was not a high earner, if he did not respect, support and want me to be home with our kids, and if I could not outsource many household chores - I would not have stayed at home.

The biggest red flag is that OPs DH does not want her to be a sahm. Case closed. There is not even a debate. This is a troll attempt for starting another sahm-wohm war thread.


I’m also a sahm with a very supportive high earning spouse.

If your Dh is not on board, this is a non starter.
Anonymous
Post 09/02/2023 07:06     Subject: Parents who left jobs to stay home, how did your kids react?
It sounds like you’re looking at being a SAHM as an out to a stressful job and I would advise trying to fix the job situation first. With a 1 year old and a 4 year old being a SAHM is going to be very intense and a different type of stress that a lot of people really don’t enjoy. I say this as a SAHM who loves it, but completely get why others don’t. I would look into fixing your job situation.
Anonymous
Post 09/01/2023 16:39     Subject: Parents who left jobs to stay home, how did your kids react?
If your job is stressful, get a new job. Your 4 year old, will be in school for 6+ hours a day starting soon. Be a SAHM if YOU WANT TO and not on the whim of a 4 yo who will change what she wants all the time.
Anonymous
Post 09/01/2023 13:14     Subject: Parents who left jobs to stay home, how did your kids react?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:How does one become a SAHM with a DH who doesn't want that? I'm confused.


What's confusing?


OP is "thinking about quitting" her job to SAH even though she expressly said her DH is opposed/against it. People do this? Sounds like a recipe for disaster.


So it's a recipe for disaster now to even think about anything your spouse is opposed to? You can't believe people think thoughts that their spouse wouldn't approve of?


When it relies 100% on their financial support? Yes. This isn't "I want pizza and he wants Chinese."
Anonymous
Post 09/01/2023 13:14     Subject: Parents who left jobs to stay home, how did your kids react?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:How does one become a SAHM with a DH who doesn't want that? I'm confused.


What's confusing?


OP is "thinking about quitting" her job to SAH even though she expressly said her DH is opposed/against it. People do this? Sounds like a recipe for disaster.


So it's a recipe for disaster now to even think about anything your spouse is opposed to? You can't believe people think thoughts that their spouse wouldn't approve of?


You can think it, but you cannot do it. You can daydream about many things.
Anonymous
Post 09/01/2023 13:11     Subject: Re:Parents who left jobs to stay home, how did your kids react?
Anonymous wrote:Parenting is a marathon, not a sprint so to need to think about this I. The long term. If you choose to stay home will it mean she can’t do the extra curriculars she wants, or go to her preferred college, or in her adulthood have a mother who is economically dependent on her, or guilt trips her over the career she sacrificed?


This is dcum.

My being at home, allowed my kids to actually do all the above and more. Mainly because my DH is a high earner, I am very well educated and we have a great marriage. If my paycheck was needed for college/retirement, if my marriage was not strong, if my DH was not a high earner, if he did not respect, support and want me to be home with our kids, and if I could not outsource many household chores - I would not have stayed at home.

The biggest red flag is that OPs DH does not want her to be a sahm. Case closed. There is not even a debate. This is a troll attempt for starting another sahm-wohm war thread.
Anonymous
Post 09/01/2023 13:06     Subject: Re:Parents who left jobs to stay home, how did your kids react?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Parenting is a marathon, not a sprint so to need to think about this I. The long term. If you choose to stay home will it mean she can’t do the extra curriculars she wants, or go to her preferred college, or in her adulthood have a mother who is economically dependent on her, or guilt trips her over the career she sacrificed?


Agree you have to think longterm, but sometimes having a SAHM means you CAN do extra-curriculars you wouldn't otherwise. Some activities are extremely hard to manage with two full-time working parents. Especially with multiple kids. See the current thread on how the heck a dual-income family gets multiple kids to and from school and activities during the week when the vast majority of that stuff happens during school hours. OP has a nanny but do they intend to keep her once the kids are in school? Is OP's job flexible enough to accommodate multiple activities between two kids? And so on.

Agree on the money piece. I certainly wouldn't become a SAHM on a long-term basis if it would torpedo my retirement, or if I'd resent my kids for it. Though there are also options to SAHM for a few years, or even move into freelance/contracting positions for a time to maximize your flexibility while keeping your skills/resume current. I did that for 3 years after my second was born and zero regrets about that. Returned to work with no issues and no actual resume gaps (contracted for my prior employer, just a few projects a year, throughout, so kept references and skills fresh most of the time didn't work at all).


PP here and agree there are also a lot of potential benefits to staying home depending on OP’s specific situation and potential career trajectory. However, the preferences of a 4 year old should not be a determining factor.
Anonymous
Post 09/01/2023 13:05     Subject: Parents who left jobs to stay home, how did your kids react?
My kids were 3, 5 and 6 when I quit and stayed home full time. I don't remember it having a single bump. Kids loved their nanny but we just moved to the next phase without any ado. The youngest one got clingy with me, but could have been his personality, the amount of time we had that allowed for it, or me just enjoying it. But in retrospect, he was a really clingy toddler.
Also in retrospect, my kids were way better off because of it. Our summers and their academics were all better, my relationship with my DH was easier with less stress, and DH made more money by having the freedom to go all in on his career. The feminist in me hates to admit it, but the world is still set up for a stay at home parent (if you can afford it).
Anonymous
Post 09/01/2023 12:55     Subject: Parents who left jobs to stay home, how did your kids react?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:How does one become a SAHM with a DH who doesn't want that? I'm confused.


What's confusing?


OP is "thinking about quitting" her job to SAH even though she expressly said her DH is opposed/against it. People do this? Sounds like a recipe for disaster.


So it's a recipe for disaster now to even think about anything your spouse is opposed to? You can't believe people think thoughts that their spouse wouldn't approve of?