Anonymous
Post 08/31/2023 12:29     Subject: Older kids - shifting dreams
This is 100% a parent issue. They were helicopter parents while their kids were in school and now it’s taking on a different form (is there a new name for this?). My kids are young adults and are working and paying all their bills. I have friends who know way too much about their kid’s job and talk about it to a friend group. For example, their likes and dislikes about work and bosses name. Even if you know this information, keep it to yourself.
Anonymous
Post 08/31/2023 12:28     Subject: Older kids - shifting dreams
Anonymous wrote:My oldest kid is 28 and his/my school/parent circle was hyper competitive about school, sports, college (especially x10), jobs out of college. These are not my close friends, but a couple are and I'm friendly with most. We get together a few times a year and the text chains started long ago survive.

I've noticed something lately that makes me kind of sad. Besides the normal boasting about even new things, there's been a shift that your kid who you raised to be an engineer is now .. an engineer. Or a chemist. Or in finance. And while things are going very very well, there's something missing. So there's talk lately about "guess who's starting taking improv classes!!" or "oh boy, someone is thinking about film school" or whose TikTok went viral. Or who is dating someone is either possibly future famous or a relative of someone famous.

It's as if the race to nowhere has run its course and now they kinda wish their kids were more creative and quirky, with a stand up comedy career or an instagramable flower farm. Or maybe they just want fame.

I wonder what was at the root of the desire for STEM kids in the first place. Because if it was UMC success, that was achieved and people are still not happy, except the immigrant parents. They're 100% happy.

There's also a weird investment in kids careers, but that's a DMV thing.


Never heard of a “competition” like you are describing. That sounds like a weird internal dialogue thing for you. People don’t actually compete in the way you describe.
Anonymous
Post 08/31/2023 12:27     Subject: Older kids - shifting dreams
News flash: in a few years they'll be talking about weddings and then grandkids. As their adult children age, they will have new things to talk about. If you're not interested, drop the group chat.
Anonymous
Post 08/31/2023 12:25     Subject: Older kids - shifting dreams
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I understand what you’re saying. I think it’s interesting and sad.


Why is it sad that young adults have careers that leave them the time, energy, and disposable income for interesting hobbies? Or that their parents are proud of them?

I mean, I don't get all the social media bragging, and I hate to see kids pushed into paths they're unhappy with. I'd never do that to my kids. But somehow this sounds more like a vindication of their parenting strategies, not some sort of problematic trend.

If you don't have a passion you can make a living from, work hard to land a solid job that allows you to also pursue stuff you love, just for the fun of it. Not my bag, but it doesn't sound like a terrible way to live.


if this is side fun, then great. if it's: my parents sent me on this path starting with STEM summer camps when I was in 7th grade , followed by math olympiads, and competitive summer programs. They plotted my path so deeply that I couldn't steer out of it. I didn't know my own mind til I was 30.

Then that is sad.

I never really understand the "STEM kid" thing. Your kid is 9. Let them breathe a little.
Anonymous
Post 08/31/2023 12:20     Subject: Older kids - shifting dreams
A lot of the posts in this thread are giving off incel 8chan vibes for some reason. I guess it's the same person.

Maybe what the 28-year-olds are feeling is simply that they never fully chose their majors and career paths (fear of falling into a lower class stratum and parental and peer expectations forced them down pre-routed pathways), so they're finding choice and authenticity outside of roles it's too late to backpedal away from. Relatable.
Anonymous
Post 08/31/2023 12:09     Subject: Older kids - shifting dreams
Anonymous wrote:I understand what you’re saying. I think it’s interesting and sad.


Why is it sad that young adults have careers that leave them the time, energy, and disposable income for interesting hobbies? Or that their parents are proud of them?

I mean, I don't get all the social media bragging, and I hate to see kids pushed into paths they're unhappy with. I'd never do that to my kids. But somehow this sounds more like a vindication of their parenting strategies, not some sort of problematic trend.

If you don't have a passion you can make a living from, work hard to land a solid job that allows you to also pursue stuff you love, just for the fun of it. Not my bag, but it doesn't sound like a terrible way to live.
Anonymous
Post 08/31/2023 12:06     Subject: Older kids - shifting dreams
I think it's very important in the college years to remember how little this matters. We have 100 threads here about how this study shows or doesn't show how HYP will help get your kid into the top .1%

The truth is, I know more kids who come out of HYP and 5 years later are SAT tutors than I know kids who are on track for the .1%.

If 90k a year is a stretch, just remember that these years are just another blip. Life is short, but not 4 years short. Have fun.
Anonymous
Post 08/31/2023 12:02     Subject: Older kids - shifting dreams
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I have no idea what you are getting at.

Sounds like your friends kids are successful engineers, chemists, finance, etc. but are also interested in other things like improv and like to date. What is the issue? You think they should only do STEM stuff?


I'm not quite clear either. Is OP trying to say STEM majors aren't happy in their STEM careers, or is it that their parents are droning on too much about their adult children's other pursuits, or the parents shouldn't have pushed STEM, or...??


I think people should ask WHY they want XYZ for kids. As the child of an engineer, I don't get the emphasis in engineering these days

Why do we want the things we want?
Anonymous
Post 08/31/2023 11:42     Subject: Re:Older kids - shifting dreams
Are you depressed and having suicide thoughts?

Get help.

Anonymous
Post 08/31/2023 11:42     Subject: Older kids - shifting dreams
Most people need to just shut up when they have nothing to say.
Anonymous
Post 08/31/2023 11:36     Subject: Older kids - shifting dreams
Some types of jobs you get really stuck too. Changing a medical specialty mid-career or a legal focus after doing noting but tax law for 10 years isn't easy.
What I like about people now is more are doing a lot outside of work and realize that work isn't what defines them.
Anonymous
Post 08/31/2023 11:33     Subject: Older kids - shifting dreams
I work in big tech and see this a fair amount with software engineers now (much more than 10 years ago). One of the big differences with the generation you describe is that they grew up with engineering being a very lucrative and sought after position. The older groups were into it mainly because they were so passionate about it and some happened into a lot of money. For people who are 15-30, tech has been an area of huge growth, big money, and social prestige for as long as they can remember (harder to get a job at X than get into school at Y). More and more people grind through good CS programs (look at the crazy increases in their sizes) and then enter jobs they can tolerate but don't really like. It looks a lot like what people were doing in the early 2000s with finance.
Anonymous
Post 08/31/2023 11:31     Subject: Older kids - shifting dreams
C’est la vie. I remember going back to reunions and talking to a young man who just graduated and was “so f’ing stoked” to be going into private client services or something. In my head I was just like, yeah check back with me in ten years, we’ll see how stoked you are.
Anonymous
Post 08/31/2023 11:29     Subject: Older kids - shifting dreams
I understand what you’re saying. I think it’s interesting and sad.
Anonymous
Post 08/31/2023 11:25     Subject: Older kids - shifting dreams
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I think this is pretty normal for focused young adults. Once you have attained that goal - you understand that you need to have other things in life to make it more complete. For those who have taken a long road (med school, law school, grad school) - this coincides with late 20's. Late 20's is also a time of greater maturity and self understanding - many people tend to settle down and get married at this age (especially if they started work right out of college vs long road school types).

I distinctly remember having this exact conversation in my late 20's as a friend was finishing med school and I was in grad school - about having had the goal be school success and realizing we now had to shift. It wasn't anything sad - it was just maturity and self-awareness.


I'm PP above - maybe the more concerning part is the parents are still stuck on identifying themselves and their conversations on reporting what their kids are achieving. I'd suggest that the parents need to be taking up new hobbies and interests to fulfill their own lives as they transition from parenting children to being adults with grown children with more time to spend on themselves vs others.


Exactly this. I thought this was about the parents taking improv classes etc, which would make sense for empty nesters who have more time.

Agree with PPs that other people's careers (including your own kids) make for pretty boring conversation topics, even if they are doing just fine.