Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here, my issue is that despite the please and thank you, it seems like an order, not a request. But based on your replies I guess I am wrong.

Would you rather the person huffed and puffed and then sent a passive aggressive text saying something like "I guess I'll take the trash out this morning? Do they come today?" Which is obviously a request for you to take the trash out next time but super annoying. The best marriage advice I ever heard was, "Simply make the request. Do not expect the other person to figure it out and read your mind. Simply make the request." And this person did! And said thank you!

These are NOT the only two options: treat your spouse like an employee or huff.

typo fixed.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here, my issue is that despite the please and thank you, it seems like an order, not a request. But based on your replies I guess I am wrong.

Would you rather the person huffed and puffed and then sent a passive aggressive text saying something like "I guess I'll take the trash out this morning? Do they come today?" Which is obviously a request for you to take the trash out next time but super annoying. The best marriage advice I ever heard was, "Simply make the request. Do not expect the other person to figure it out and read your mind. Simply make the request." And this person did! And said thank you!

These are the only two options: treat your spouse like an employee or huff.

My husband and I would probably phrase it differently- something maybe like “Can you please take the trash out? Also, can you get the lawn waste too? Thanks!” I can see your point about feeling like it’s an order the way it’s worded.

Anonymous wrote:Op here, my issue is that despite the please and thank you, it seems like an order, not a request. But based on your replies I guess I am wrong.

Who was up at 6am? Both of you?
Who was home at the time? Both of you?

Who leaves for work/school earlier?

Bins have to get out before the trucks come.

Anonymous wrote:Op here, my issue is that despite the please and thank you, it seems like an order, not a request. But based on your replies I guess I am wrong.

Would you rather the person huffed and puffed and then sent a passive aggressive text saying something like "I guess I'll take the trash out this morning? Do they come today?" Which is obviously a request for you to take the trash out next time but super annoying. The best marriage advice I ever heard was, "Simply make the request. Do not expect the other person to figure it out and read your mind. Simply make the request." And this person did! And said thank you!

Anonymous wrote:That seems like something my wife would send me, or I would send her, if one of us was traveling or leaving early and it was garbage day. I probably would have added some pleasantries or terms of affection, but that's just me.

I see nothing wrong with it.

I (DW) have in the past sent this to DH, and he hates it. But it took a long time for him to tell him and it eventually boiled over. I manage a bunch of people and would write with more courtesy to them. I try and make an effort to text requests with more courtesy to DH.

It would be a weird text if the recipient normally has nothing to do with taking out the trash.

But otherwise, it's fine. Like other PPs mentioned, I'd send something like this to DH if I was not around to mention it face to face.

OP stop hacking my phone. I'm calling the cops.

Anonymous wrote:Op here, my issue is that despite the please and thank you, it seems like an order, not a request. But based on your replies I guess I am wrong.

You will always find problems in a relationship if you try hard enough. In this case, you are trying too hard to find one.

Anonymous wrote:Op here, my issue is that despite the please and thank you, it seems like an order, not a request. But based on your replies I guess I am wrong.

Proving yet again, you cannot understand context and intention in text (or email etc).
Too many problems between people when they fail to actually open their mouths.

There are so many unknowns. Did he type this? Was it via speech to text on CarPlay? My texts come out different when I write vs speak them. Was he hurried and doing 3 different things on the way to work, so not thinking about it, but panicking that he missed trash day? Were you hurried and late or just in a bad mood about something else?

I try to subscribe to the Brene Brown way of approaching such things. Try to give the most generous interpretation of texts, until you 100% know different.

Anonymous wrote:Op here, my issue is that despite the please and thank you, it seems like an order, not a request. But based on your replies I guess I am wrong.

Does it being an ‘order’ bother you? Does this dynamic show up elsewhere in the relationship?
One text shouldn’t be enough to ruin your day, but if it’s a pattern that’s bothering you, maybe dig into it and see if you can pinpoint it and bring it up.

Anonymous wrote:Op here, my issue is that despite the please and thank you, it seems like an order, not a request. But based on your replies I guess I am wrong.

Seems like an efficient request. If it rubbed you the wrong way, that might speak to bigger issues in the relationship.

Anonymous wrote:Op here, my issue is that despite the please and thank you, it seems like an order, not a request. But based on your replies I guess I am wrong.

Are you the husband or the wife? How's the relationship otherwise?

If the spouse is leaving the house early, say for travel or work, this would be normal and efficient. If the spouse is right there by the bins but is waking you with an ill-timed 6 am text to tell you to do it, then it could potentially be passive aggressive. But we have no good way of helping you interpret it OP unless you provide context.

Did you say you were going to take the trash out and forgot, OP? If so, fair text.

I text this to my kids or husband when they forget to do a task that they said they would do. No need for details when it's onerous tasks.