Anonymous wrote:I’m truly shocked by how many people have flexible and work from home setups! Slightly jealous over here. Most couples that I know are dual physicians. The only way we can do it all is by hiring an after school nanny.

But you have more income to do so. It's all a trade-off.

I’m truly shocked by how many people have flexible and work from home setups! Slightly jealous over here. Most couples that I know are dual physicians. The only way we can do it all is by hiring an after school nanny.

I WFH 90% of the time with the flexibility to step away in the late afternoons and do drop offs and pick ups. I'm so efficient and good at my niche highly specialized job at this point that I rarely have to log back on after bedtime to catch up.

We like to stay busy, and I let me kids do a lot of activities, but my major rule is that they need to be close by -- dealing with long commutes and traffic is such an unpleasant time suck.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Everyone I know without a SAHP seems to have local grandparents to help in a pinch. I've mentioned carpooling to a couple, but it sounds like I'd be the needier one and it wouldn't be equal because of that. Is it OK to try to carpool if it turns out the other family doesn't want/need the help thanks to grandma?

It’s fine to ask. Whether they accept is up to them - just be clear about what you can do upfront.

Set up a carpool and be the person who drives the kids home or offer to drive on your work from home days. Don't ask other people to drive your kids to and from activities. It's just rude. I make sacrifices to get my kids where they need to go and while I do have to ask for favors sometimes, I always recriprocate.

Anonymous wrote:No one works full time with commute and has kids in activities unless grandparents or driving nanny. We realized this too late when all the activity times became clearly not after work.

+1

Generally either one parent is somewhat available in the after school hours (SAH, WFH or works PT), grandparent, or a hired nanny/sitter. There really aren’t many other options, until kids are older. Depending what the activities are, you could try finding activities in the evening instead of afternoons.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You’re 90 mins from one of the schools?

This is the unsustainable part. But to answer your question, I (mom) don’t work and my kids’ school and outside activities are 15-20 minutes away so I can go back and forth multiple times a day. It’s not pleasant, but at least it’s possible.

+1 My DH also is hybrid and has some flexibility so sometimes he can pick up one kid from an activity and I can pickup the other if we have to. But most parents have a SAHP or nanny or au pair or grandparent to help. Also that type of commute with 3 kids and two full-time working parents is really tough. To then add activities to it you need to add a third adult in some form.

You can’t have it all OP. That was a lie.

We have a nanny. They handle getting the kids to their after-school activities. DH and/or I generally pick up. But we don't have an hour and a half commute like you do.

I work from home 95% of the time and DH works from home about 70% of the time. We both have flexible schedules. DH typically works 7:30 to 4:00 or 5:00, depending on the evening, and I usually work 9:00 to 4:30 or 5:30 and hop back on for 15-90 minutes later as needed. I also usually work just a couple of hours over the weekend. Kids are in public school and take the bus home. Most nights they both have an activity.

I only have one kid, and DH and I both go thr office 2 to 3x per week. So one parent is almost always home in the afternoon. My son does a lot of activities, and 4 days a week we need to be somewhere, but the earliest start time is 6pm. So even if I'm working in the office, I leave at 430 and make it home in time to take kid to the activity. Spouse at home is in charge of school pick up, dinner, and whatever getting ready for activities involves (i.e. finding and helping put on shinguards, filling water bottle).

It is busy, but it works because we only have one and we swap duties.

I have been at my job for over ten years so I have some flexibility/capital stored up. I also WFH two days a week of my choosing, which really helps. DH is also hybrid. And DD is in activities that start a little later (6-ish, instead of 4-5). We aren't doing anything yet for our four year old because he has ADHD and has a hard time participating in activities but that will add another layer when we get there.

I manage by being fully available at 2pm. I do dinner prep and then the 3pm after school pick ups and activities and homework. No work after 2pm for me. DH travels too much so we leave him out of the equation, though he can help in a pinch if he’s home.
2 full time working parents doesn’t work. My friends who try to do it without help are miserable and exhausted all the time.

No one works full time with commute and has kids in activities unless grandparents or driving nanny. We realized this too late when all the activity times became clearly not after work.

Anonymous wrote:You’re 90 mins from one of the schools?

This is the unsustainable part. But to answer your question, I (mom) don’t work and my kids’ school and outside activities are 15-20 minutes away so I can go back and forth multiple times a day. It’s not pleasant, but at least it’s possible.

I see working moms in my FB group asking for responsible teens and other people to pick kids up and drive them around to activities. The rest have flexibility in both parents' working schedules (or both work from home and can sneak out) or grandparents or nannies.