Anonymous wrote:When our first left that was tough but he was going to an Ivy so it was such a huge opportunity for him. When our youngest left we were ready and it certainly felt strange to have an empty nest but we did fine. Long weekends away in the dead of winter. Last minute date nights. Sex without the door closed. They are all doing very well as are we so empty nesting is just another stage of life that you accept or resist. I always worked so I didn’t feel abandoned when the nest emptied.

Almost all of your nice stories require a partner, and perhaps a better partner than OP has.

I wish people on here could show more support /empathy, instead of assuming posters are deficient if they aren’t coping as well as you.

OP, I am a little lost too. About to retire, no spouse. My DD is doing great. I am proud and happy for her. But not so sure how to have fun as a single senior.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Anyone who felt profoundly lonely aaa their best was emptying? One DC is leaving, the other basically hates me. DH never does anything, doesn’t really talk much either. We can’t even watch TV together. Love my mom dearly - but due to dementia she can’t really do anything and conversations are difficult. Friends are a long flight away and the ones so tried to make locally don’t seem to like me much after all and I’m too exhausted to try yet again.

I hear you, OP. Just playing devil's advocate here - did you do anything to offend your friends?

No, I have all my old friends from high school/college. I just never managed to make good friends in the city where I live now. Nothing wrong with that, IMO. I just don’t fit in. DC had the same experience. No real friends at school but moved to boarding school in the NE and is living her best life. Tons of friends, really fits in.

I had a job I really loved when we became empty nesters plus I took up an artistic hobby that I had always wanted to pursue. My days were very full plus my DH and I had a very good relationship but we each have separate interest. I think the key is staying busy doing something you really enjoy. Sitting around the house all day would drive me crazy.

Yes, op I can relate. We have one away at college. He comes home on some weekends to do laundry, refuel (groceries) and work. Our other kid lives out of town and visits here and there. We love it when they come home. It is different and quiet during the work week when they are not here. It’s been an adjustment with good and bad things about it.

You don’t really know what it’ll be like until you’re living it. I do look forward to retirement and doing some traveling, possibly an RV adventure. In the meantime I’m working on touch ups in the house, going through closets and donating things we don’t use.

I’ll probably join a gym soon.

Anonymous wrote:Anyone who felt profoundly lonely aaa their best was emptying? One DC is leaving, the other basically hates me. DH never does anything, doesn’t really talk much either. We can’t even watch TV together. Love my mom dearly - but due to dementia she can’t really do anything and conversations are difficult. Friends are a long flight away and the ones so tried to make locally don’t seem to like me much after all and I’m too exhausted to try yet again.

I hear you, OP. Just playing devil's advocate here - did you do anything to offend your friends?

I dreaded being an empty nester mostly because it made me feel my job as a parent was done. But I still have a wonderful relationship with my kids and my husband and I are closer than ever. Now I have grand babies and loving it. I always worked so when my youngest went off to college I didn’t have a huge vacuum to fill. I always worry about moms whose self worth is 100% kid focused.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Can you get a dog? My parents got two dogs when my youngest sibling left and they bring them so much joy.

This is what I was going to say also.

OP. I have dogs that I never wanted and they mostly annoy me.

Yes, please think carefully before getting a dog. It's a huge commitment and compounded if you end up with a dog with physical or anxiety-type issues -- something you don't know until you're already committed. Also it's just a lot of extra work, which can be good if you need something to distract you from other things but bad if you really would rather have a clean house and do things on your own schedule without having to factor in the dog.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why does one child not like you? Work on that.

Sometimes that's not possible, and no it doesn't mean OP is the problem, that she's a narcissistic boomer or anything close.

dp.. short of the child not living with you, why would it not be possible?

I would work on that, too. Plan outings with your child, if possible. Read some self help books. See a therapist. Whatever you need to do to repair that relationship.

When our first left that was tough but he was going to an Ivy so it was such a huge opportunity for him. When our youngest left we were ready and it certainly felt strange to have an empty nest but we did fine. Long weekends away in the dead of winter. Last minute date nights. Sex without the door closed. They are all doing very well as are we so empty nesting is just another stage of life that you accept or resist. I always worked so I didn’t feel abandoned when the nest emptied.

I visited my daughter for family weekend, and uugghh, I feel worse. I didn’t realize how much I missed our conversations.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Read the book, "Midnight Librarian" and get inspired. There are billions of possibilities of what your next chapter could be

That book is so bad. There are many books and movies on this theme; it’s strange how DCUM fixates on this mediocre book.

I've never heard of the book before this thread, can you suggest a different one?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Can you get a dog? My parents got two dogs when my youngest sibling left and they bring them so much joy.

This is what I was going to say also.

OP. I have dogs that I never wanted and they mostly annoy me.

Anonymous wrote:Can you get a dog? My parents got two dogs when my youngest sibling left and they bring them so much joy.

This is what I was going to say also.

Anonymous wrote:Read the book, "Midnight Librarian" and get inspired. There are billions of possibilities of what your next chapter could be

That book is so bad. There are many books and movies on this theme; it’s strange how DCUM fixates on this mediocre book.

Op I’m sending you big hugs. I feel what you are going through and it sounds deflating and lonely. It sounds like you will need to find a sense of purpose outside of the house at least for now. Which might not make things easier when you come home … but temporary relief is better than nothing. Anyway it sucks when home is not the safe/happy place we expect it to be.