Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH is sort of like this and only in marriage counseling did it seem to “click” for him that it’s annoying. I will say that I don’t expect him to show enthusiasm for things like paint colors or furniture but when he does it’s a very pleasant surprise.

What was the solution from counseling?

The counselor told him “is that kind behavior? Is that what you want to model for your children, and is this marriage the model you want them to follow?”

Now dear reader, I have said much the same to my husband possibly COUNTLESS times, but apparently if the words are coming from a nice older lady who giggles at his jokes, THEN DH takes it seriously.

That is what I’ve learned from counseling.

Did you be nice and giggle at his jokes before counseling?
Or does he have a thing for older ladies? (Maybe ask his mom do deliver requests for you.)

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH is sort of like this and only in marriage counseling did it seem to “click” for him that it’s annoying. I will say that I don’t expect him to show enthusiasm for things like paint colors or furniture but when he does it’s a very pleasant surprise.

What was the solution from counseling?

The counselor told him “is that kind behavior? Is that what you want to model for your children, and is this marriage the model you want them to follow?”

Now dear reader, I have said much the same to my husband possibly COUNTLESS times, but apparently if the words are coming from a nice older lady who giggles at his jokes, THEN DH takes it seriously.

That is what I’ve learned from counseling.

Do you work? Or do you strictly manage home life while he makes all the money and works?

My DH legit has never cared about anything house-related. I don’t expect him to change or compliment things, and I don’t expect him to complain about what I spend if I replace a couch with holes or whatever (within reason.)

I don’t have an answer for you, OP, except to look for approval elsewhere.

If you want to do something, and he wants to do nothing, how does that dynamic end up working?

Reminds me of my friend in college who was like this. His GF insisted he tell her his opinion about something, and so he said he didn't like affirmative action, so she dumped him.

Anonymous wrote:
1. Sit him down, explain all this, and tell him you are unhappy in this marriage because he's not supportive of anything that goes on. Tell him to consult his psych and tweak his meds, and tell him to go to therapy and learn how to be more positive. Couples therapy is bunk. This is HIS problem and he needs to learn positive communication from the therapist.

2. Think about whether divorce is an option for you - financially, emotionally, impact on the kids, etc. It may not be.

3. Build your support network outside of the marriage: develop strong friendships and possibly distract yourself with a paramour, if you're so inclined. You deserve to live a happy life.

Just the divorce the poor guy and stop abusing him.

Anonymous wrote:DH is sort of like this and only in marriage counseling did it seem to “click” for him that it’s annoying. I will say that I don’t expect him to show enthusiasm for things like paint colors or furniture but when he does it’s a very pleasant surprise.

What was the solution from counseling?

Anonymous wrote:"I make all the decisions because he's learned that I won't accept any decisions he makes. Now I nag him into doing everything I want, but still he is negative and unenthusiastic. What's wrong with him?"

Yep this.

1. Sit him down, explain all this, and tell him you are unhappy in this marriage because he's not supportive of anything that goes on. Tell him to consult his psych and tweak his meds, and tell him to go to therapy and learn how to be more positive. Couples therapy is bunk. This is HIS problem and he needs to learn positive communication from the therapist.

2. Think about whether divorce is an option for you - financially, emotionally, impact on the kids, etc. It may not be.

3. Build your support network outside of the marriage: develop strong friendships and possibly distract yourself with a paramour, if you're so inclined. You deserve to live a happy life.

This sounds like it sucks.
Also the ones on antidepressants usually can’t get it up. Or they have sex once a month and it’s really bad.

My dh is like this and he has no idea how much work is involved in many things related to kid/home. I think in my dh's case, a lot of factors are involved: he doesn't want to compliment me, he doesn't want to take responsibility for something in case it goes wrong (I don't blame him for things - I'm a let's fix it and move on person, but he was raised in a home where blame was a big thing), and he also doesn't want to admit that I'm doing the bult of the kid/home work. I think he doesn't get enthusiastic about things I propose because that would be admitting that he enjoyed it and he wants me to think he's doing something for me. It's a sh!tshow and it's demoralizing. I'm just trying to get my kid into college and through his last year of high school.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH is sort of like this and only in marriage counseling did it seem to “click” for him that it’s annoying. I will say that I don’t expect him to show enthusiasm for things like paint colors or furniture but when he does it’s a very pleasant surprise.

A little bit of lying goes a long way.

Whatever, I don’t need him to like anything but when he acts like it I’m happy.

He would rather be cheery and enthusiastic, I am sure.

People don’t get to pick their personalities.

He probably thinks you don’t love him as he is. So he can put on an act, but for how long?

Has he changed or have you?

Anonymous wrote:DH is sort of like this and only in marriage counseling did it seem to “click” for him that it’s annoying. I will say that I don’t expect him to show enthusiasm for things like paint colors or furniture but when he does it’s a very pleasant surprise.

A little bit of lying goes a long way.