Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This makes me sad. The only thing my ex and I did together was “party.” I missed out on so much. You all are lucky.

You have to build on what you do like together- for some of us marriage was never easy and it is deliberate.

For example, if you and your DH liked parties/fun perhaps you could have learned to dance, or begun entertaining together, or traveling together, or cooking together. For a lot of people partying is the start of their relationship, but you can’t really party when you are 30, 40, 60, 70 the same as you did in your 20s.

So true. When we got together we had nothing in common and had to figure it all out. We tried lots of things before we found what we liked together.

We’re the sort of couple that does a lot together - even errands. So we spend a ton of time together. Things we do are

Go to the gym
Ride bikes
Take walks
Go to the beach and boating (we have a beach house)
Theater
Live music
Spouse likes to golf - I hate it but will tag along in the golf cart
Certain shows that we only watch together
Hiking
Kayaking
Festivals - I really like art/craft festivals
We also take drives


We have lots of separate interests as well. I have a very time consuming hobby that is solely my thing. Spouse likes TV more than me.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This makes me sad. The only thing my ex and I did together was “party.” I missed out on so much. You all are lucky.

I hope you find someone that you can do things with. It’s not too late.

I am late 40s, divorced, and have been dating for a while now.

The person I’m seeing now has been amazing about suggesting and planning things. We’re both introverts and the things we’ve been doing have been perfect. Most are low-key.

I’m not used to it and I’m surprised at how good it makes me feel not to be the only one suggesting ways to spend time together.

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Thank you and thank you to poster above you. Fortunately I have found someone that enjoys my company and with whom I have many shared hobbies. I’m just sad it wasn’t the father of my kids. But he was mostly focused on making money and working. I gave up eventually.

Live music or comedy
Watching a show or movie together on the couch
stand up paddle boarding
Dinner or lunch out

We used to entertain A LOT. That was a big shared activity for 2 decades but I burned out.

Now: hiking, skiing, vacations, cooking, some shows, movies, restaurants (he’s a huge foodie and great cook). We also like to catch up with each other after our separate activities. We can talk for hours. With that said, sex is also a big thing for us.

Easy hikes. Restaurants. Overnight trips to see friends in nearby cities, longer trips to stack a few museums and restaurants. We have a niche music hobby that we both enjoy and it involves all-day or two-day events with cooking prep and a drive. Working on decorating and home maintenance.

Anonymous wrote:This makes me sad. The only thing my ex and I did together was “party.” I missed out on so much. You all are lucky.

I hope you find someone that you can do things with. It’s not too late.

I am late 40s, divorced, and have been dating for a while now.

The person I’m seeing now has been amazing about suggesting and planning things. We’re both introverts and the things we’ve been doing have been perfect. Most are low-key.

I’m not used to it and I’m surprised at how good it makes me feel not to be the only one suggesting ways to spend time together.

Anonymous wrote:This makes me sad. The only thing my ex and I did together was “party.” I missed out on so much. You all are lucky.

You have to build on what you do like together- for some of us marriage was never easy and it is deliberate.

For example, if you and your DH liked parties/fun perhaps you could have learned to dance, or begun entertaining together, or traveling together, or cooking together. For a lot of people partying is the start of their relationship, but you can’t really party when you are 30, 40, 60, 70 the same as you did in your 20s.

This makes me sad. The only thing my ex and I did together was “party.” I missed out on so much. You all are lucky.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Walks/hikes
Drives
Play board games and uno
Read to each other
Watch movies

What does “ drives” mean to you? You literally just go drive around?

What's the problem you're trying to start here?

Butt darts

Wander bookstores.

Cute cafés.

Live music at local restaurants.

Live music at larger music venues.

Plays.

Playing with the pets.

Cooking.

Walks.

One of the axe throwing places nearby is pretty fun. Pricy, so don’t do often, but great whole vibe.

Gentle wrestling, when I’ve got ants in my pants and need to expend some energy and be settled.

Separate stuff, but next to each other, touching. So reading next to each other, but like playing footsie now and then or otherwise touching a bit.

Head scratches / massages.

Play catch.

We're both into outdoor adventure sports - hiking, backpacking, kayaking, sailing. We do something like that around 1-2 times a month. Trying to get into rock climbing, but man I just don't have the strength for it yet. Skiing in the winter.

We volunteer together for some of the kids activities, it can be a lot of fun to work together.

Gardening, woodworking, hanging out at the neighborhood pool, escape rooms, board games are our other fun activities together.

Anonymous wrote:I took up golf about 8-10 years ago and we try to play together at least once a week. He seems to enjoy it because he keeps asking me to play. We have young grandchildren who live nearby and we both love doing things with them. We are both pretty busy and independent so neither of us is in need of attention and we get along very well. He has a great sense of humor so there is a lot of laughter.

This is amazing1. I love that you enjoy your grandchildren (even though you are busy)!