Anonymous wrote:Is he not drinking water at school because he’s afraid to go the bathroom at school? If so, why? At our local middle and high schools, kids don’t want to pee because kids get beat up and bullied in the bathroom.

Maybe he is drinking enough. If he is playing sports while feeling fine and not overly exhausted or passing out, then he clearly isn’t severely dehydrated. Just leave it alone

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is he not drinking water at school because he’s afraid to go the bathroom at school? If so, why? At our local middle and high schools, kids don’t want to pee because kids get beat up and bullied in the bathroom.

Yep,- this and teachers often do not allow them to go. So my kid would not drink water to avoid being uncomfortable all day.

+1

Teachers can be stingy about letting kids go during class. There sometimes is very limited time during passing periods- depending on distance to locker and/or between classrooms, and being tardy is punished and could be embarrassing. During lunch hour the bathrooms can be crowded and kids often hang out in there and are trying to do things they should not.

Is it like this year round or just when school starts? It's stressful having to eat breakfast without having time to digest it because of an early start time. Then there often isn't time to eat lunch. With social anxiety, he probably can't relax enough to eat much or might be nauseous. Can you get him involved in grocery shopping with you or choosing what to pack for lunch? My DD is similar but if she gets to choose what to buy at the store, she'll be more likely to eat it. And even if he can't eat much, staying hydrated during the school day is important. So maybe start with making sure he drinks enough and make sure there aren't any problems with him using the bathroom at school in case he's purposely not drinking. He could be pee shy too.

Just wanted to add that my son also didn’t eat much in middle school- stress, not enough time, fussy eater - all that. Same for water, I’m sure, because he didn’t and still does not go to the bathroom at school. No time and many restrooms in schools are just closed due to vandalism. Anyway, seems kind of normal (but unfortunate). My kid actually did lose quite a bit of weight at the time, so I made a point of having a lot of higher fat and calorie dense snacks available to him. It helped. He is a hs sophomore now and weight isn’t an issue so I assume he eats at school but unfortunately, healthy eating to nourish his body is just not his way.

Anonymous wrote:Is he not drinking water at school because he’s afraid to go the bathroom at school? If so, why? At our local middle and high schools, kids don’t want to pee because kids get beat up and bullied in the bathroom.

Yep,- this and teachers often do not allow them to go. So my kid would not drink water to avoid being uncomfortable all day.

YOU are pushing him into a battle of wills, which might or might not, translate to an eating disorder, OP.

My son is way too thin, and has been on a diet to gain weight basically all his life. He has health issues and needs to take medications that suppress his appetite. We are caring for him as best we can, and he understands he needs to eat, but it's very hard for him to do so when he's nauseous.

If your son is at a healthy height and weight, then he's getting his calories, in his own way, so there is no reason to increase his anxiety by pushing him to eat.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Can you give him big meal when he gets home from school?

Yes. He will eat a big meal when he gets home. And then a good-sized meal for dinner. And then gets always himself a snack before bed. Plenty of vegetables, etc. And loves treats, too, of course; we’ve never been restrictive about foods.

But not eating during the day and then going straight from class to sport? Not going to cut it. He’s a strong kid who’s growing very quickly right now and needs more calories and hydration throughout the day.

I know we need to keep him chipping away at anxiety management, and he is working on it. I just don’t want to make things worse somehow.

If it doesn’t work he might be willing to make a change then. My kids also eat almost nothing until after school and somehow get through practice. I couldn’t do it, but I am not thirteen anymore!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Can you give him big meal when he gets home from school?

Yes. He will eat a big meal when he gets home. And then a good-sized meal for dinner. And then gets always himself a snack before bed. Plenty of vegetables, etc. And loves treats, too, of course; we’ve never been restrictive about foods.

But not eating during the day and then going straight from class to sport? Not going to cut it. He’s a strong kid who’s growing very quickly right now and needs more calories and hydration throughout the day.

I know we need to keep him chipping away at anxiety management, and he is working on it. I just don’t want to make things worse somehow.

A lot of kids don't eat in school. I think you are making a bigger deal over this than you ned to. If he is eating a meal when he gets home and dinner plus snacks this is not an eating disorder. If you are taking him to the sports, have a meal ready in the car.

This. I would drop it OP. He is likely fine at sports because young and healthy bodies don’t need to eat constantly. They are able to compensate well. And if he feels weak and dehydrated at sports, he will be clued in he needs something more before practice.

How about talking to his doctor. Explain what’s going on and ask if he needs counseling, if it’s okay to do sports with these eating/drinking habits, or if it’s somehow fine for teen boys.

If the doctor considers a problem, that carries more weight than mom just worrying, like moms do. It might give you leverage to allow sports only if his habits change and remain healthier. And it starts the process of getting him professional help, if that’s what he needs.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Can you give him big meal when he gets home from school?

Yes. He will eat a big meal when he gets home. And then a good-sized meal for dinner. And then gets always himself a snack before bed. Plenty of vegetables, etc. And loves treats, too, of course; we’ve never been restrictive about foods.

But not eating during the day and then going straight from class to sport? Not going to cut it. He’s a strong kid who’s growing very quickly right now and needs more calories and hydration throughout the day.

I know we need to keep him chipping away at anxiety management, and he is working on it. I just don’t want to make things worse somehow.

I’m now reading this update. This is typical for a lot of kids. My 6 foot tall 200 lbs football playing son does this. He barely eats all day then eats a lot in the evenings, more than one dinner and then a late snack. It’s fine. He eats when he’s hungry.

I rarely remember drinking water as a kid other than at practice. We didn’t hydrate all day long and I did anything to avoid school bathrooms.

Your kid is 13/14. You can’t micromanage this. Buy a variety of things and have them around. Throw a bunch of different snacks in the pocket of his backpack. Neither of my kids ever ate breakfast. I would not keep talking about this to him if he’s eating in the evenings.

This is not that abnormal. Let it go. I ate like that as a teen and played sports successfully. It’s not ideal but too controlling to try to change it.

Is he not drinking water at school because he’s afraid to go the bathroom at school? If so, why? At our local middle and high schools, kids don’t want to pee because kids get beat up and bullied in the bathroom.

I think if he’s eating enough calories at the end of the day/in 24 hours you need to try and back down. Focus on fluids if he’s not drinking enough.
My kid is 12 and every now and again will skip breakfast for a few days in a row. For a while I was neurotic about it, can’t learn when hungry etc, now I let it go but do make hr have a glass of fruit juice in the morning.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can’t address the anxiety issue (so sorry- that must be ao stressful) but in terms of physical health:

my kids started eating much the same way in middle school. I don’t think it is that uncommon? Mine would barely eat breakfast (school starts so early), pick at their lunches at best (too busy talking)- then come home and eat like crazy. Basically a full meal at 3pm after school, actual dinner at some point- depending on sports schedule, and a 3rd meal or heavy snack before or after practice depending. They are all healthy & growing normally. It has gotten better in high school due to a much later start time- they actually eat breakfast now.

Thank you for sharing this. It’s good to know maybe it’s not as “abnormal” as it feels to me at times. He’s my only child so no in-house comparison!

My kid eats like this too and is in after school sports.