Anonymous wrote:I'm a 26F with a 3 y/o DC from a previous relationship. About 6 months ago via OLD I met a 41M (divorced with 3 DCs). I think he's great, we've really enjoyed spending time together, and at first I thought this would be casual but it's turned into a serious relationship. I don't have any desire to get married quickly or have any more kids. But I'm kind of getting the side eye from some friends and family about the age gap, and also the education gap - I never finished college but he has a graduate degree. We're exclusive but we haven't discussed anything like moving in together.

Do you think this is fine or am I going to look back on this as a mistake?

Where do you see your life in the next 5, 10, 15, 20 years from here?

You have to take control of your life. You're in your mid 20's and it may seem like you have forever to figure things out, but that time passes really really quickly.

What do you want for yourself? What do you want for your child?

Your future may or may not include the current boyfriend.

It's your decision.

Where do you see your life when your 3 year old is 18? i.e. 15 years from now? What do you want for yourself? What do you want for your child? Do you want more children? If so, do you think this guy is down for that?

You can't postpone deciding what your life is going to be forever, certainly not when you are responsible for not only yourself, but a 3 year old.

Do you want to go back to college? If so, what for? What are your career objectives?

There are so many questions about what your life could be. So many different paths you could take.

It's all up to you.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are so young! Why waste your youth on a 40 year old divorcee? I think maybe security is the answer here. And that’s fine, it just seems like such a waste.

I mean, yes, this is true, but men in their 20s aren’t interested in women in their 20s who have kids. Her options are either date significantly older or don’t date at all. Seen it a million times. Then she’ll be 41 dating another 41 year old dad, but her kid will be an older teen and his kids will be elementary age at most.

I’ll be honest though I don’t see the age gap stuff as a big issue once you’re past a certain age. I’d say once you hit your mid 20s, date whatever age you want. You grow and mature a lot between early 20s and mid 20s, doubly so if you already have a kid.

Her best option is to establish herself in career and yes resume dating in 10-15 years from now. She can date men in late 40s-mid 50s with grown up kids. They will be more on same page

+1 OP, work yourself. Go back to school. You need to be able to take care of yourself and your kid financially in the future without ever having to rely on a man.

How old are his kids? If they are much older than your kid, that means he will be done raising kids and will want to live an empty nester life. Do you think he will want to raise your child for another several years?

Well, he does seem a little old, but most 26 yo men aren't jumping to date single moms, either, so this may be an ok combo.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The rule of thumb is half plus seven, right? So 41 and 27.5, which means I think you're within the rough zone of reasonable age separation. DH and I have an 8 year gap that got us a lot of side-eye when we were younger but seems within the noise now that we're late 40s/early 50s.

Are you joking ? If he’s 58 then she should be 36? That’s 22 years difference no woman would want it unless he’s loaded

+1 that's a dumb rule probably made up by some old geezer.

I'm 52, DH is 56. When we were younger, the age gap wasn't an issue. Now, nearing retirement and with age, the age difference is much more noticeable.

OP, think of it this way.. when you are 41 (his age now), he will be 56. He can qualify to live in a 55+ community.

When you are 50, he will be 65 and able to get medicare. He'll likely retire. What will you be doing? Unless you have a sizeable retirement account, you are either going to have to work or rely on his social security, and his 401k retirement account. We are both going to retire in 3 years when our youngest leaves for college. I have a sizeable retirement account and savings that I can rely on. Will you have that when he is ready to retire?

When you are 60, he will be 75, and may need a nurse. You will end up being the nurse.

I'm sure he looks great at 41. It's the 55+ when you will start noticing his age in looks, and you will only be in your early 40s then, his age now. How old is your father? In his 50s? Take a look at what he and his friends look like. That is what your DH may look like when you are in your late 30s/early 40s. Do you really think you will want to be with someone who is and looks like he's in his 50s?


Can you really imagine yourself long term with someone that much older?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are so young! Why waste your youth on a 40 year old divorcee? I think maybe security is the answer here. And that’s fine, it just seems like such a waste.

I mean, yes, this is true, but men in their 20s aren’t interested in women in their 20s who have kids. Her options are either date significantly older or don’t date at all. Seen it a million times. Then she’ll be 41 dating another 41 year old dad, but her kid will be an older teen and his kids will be elementary age at most.

I’ll be honest though I don’t see the age gap stuff as a big issue once you’re past a certain age. I’d say once you hit your mid 20s, date whatever age you want. You grow and mature a lot between early 20s and mid 20s, doubly so if you already have a kid.

Her best option is to establish herself in career and yes resume dating in 10-15 years from now. She can date men in late 40s-mid 50s with grown up kids. They will be more on same page

23 and a baby. That’s very young for DC.

Anonymous wrote:I think OP's bf can do better. I'm late 50s, my gf is a couple of years younger then you, childless, and a PhD candidate.

This reminds me of a couple that I saw a at a bar in 14th St, she was in her 20s, he was probably in his 60s and not attractive at all. I have no idea What issue that woman had, but something must have been wrong with her.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Whenever I (44M) bring up how easy the apps have made dating women in their 20s in DC I’m called a liar.

Yes easy on the app because you likely have zero skills in person. A never ending bottomless pit of easy sex for you with little self exploration as to why you’re not up to snuff for a woman your own age. Laughable at best.

Np. If the women of his age are as b y as you, I can’t blame him for wanting to date a twenty something. Who the f wants to deal with your baggage all day and night?

Anonymous wrote:You are so young! Why waste your youth on a 40 year old divorcee? I think maybe security is the answer here. And that’s fine, it just seems like such a waste.

I mean, yes, this is true, but men in their 20s aren’t interested in women in their 20s who have kids. Her options are either date significantly older or don’t date at all. Seen it a million times. Then she’ll be 41 dating another 41 year old dad, but her kid will be an older teen and his kids will be elementary age at most.

I’ll be honest though I don’t see the age gap stuff as a big issue once you’re past a certain age. I’d say once you hit your mid 20s, date whatever age you want. You grow and mature a lot between early 20s and mid 20s, doubly so if you already have a kid.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Whenever I (44M) bring up how easy the apps have made dating women in their 20s in DC I’m called a liar.

Well, now we know that these divorced men with multiple kids are dating 20 smth women with babies outside wedlock and no college degrees /=means. Good luck with that ! I’m not envious: wouldn’t date a guy with 3 kids even as a 44 yo woman

Where did this “no college degrees” come from? The 20s women I’ve dated have been at law firms, the World Bank, DOJ, Wash Post, etc.

Also many, many dogsht non-profits.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Whenever I (44M) bring up how easy the apps have made dating women in their 20s in DC I’m called a liar.

Well, now we know that these divorced men with multiple kids are dating 20 smth women with babies outside wedlock and no college degrees /=means. Good luck with that ! I’m not envious: wouldn’t date a guy with 3 kids even as a 44 yo woman

Where did this “no college degrees” come from? The 20s women I’ve dated have been at law firms, the World Bank, DOJ, Wash Post, etc.

Anonymous wrote:I think OP's bf can do better. I'm late 50s, my gf is a couple of years younger then you, childless, and a PhD candidate.

A PhD candidate is dating someone who doesn’t know the difference between then and than?

You focus on the wrong issue, honey. 41 26 age gap is doable, but the 3 kids thing is not. It's the tip of iceberg.

Anonymous wrote:I think OP's bf can do better. I'm late 50s, my gf is a couple of years younger then you, childless, and a PhD candidate.

Your kids are probably grown and you must have different time availability than a divorced early 40s man with 3 kids. At 26 women need to f^k every day and he’s burdened with custody logistics

I think OP's bf can do better. I'm late 50s, my gf is a couple of years younger then you, childless, and a PhD candidate.