53 with 7yo (infertility issues)
I'm exhausted, but more menopause making my depression worse.
After losing my parents recently, motivating me to do some Swedish death cleaning. I'm a pack rat. And after dealing with my parent's stuff, realizing I could easily get rid of 60-70% of my stuff and not even notice.

Anonymous wrote:Turning 55 this year and my younger kid is 9. Don't feel like I have anything to be downsizing or winding down. It's full steam ahead in our house. I'm happy about that. Long retirements were unhealthy for both my parents and my ILs. THey lost all sense of purpose.

Nice way to cope.....

59. Empty nester for 9 years now. All good. Having young (40 year old) neighbors and coworkers keeps me youngish. DH and I both retiring in five years. But I better get some hobbies between now and then.

Lots if professionals are one dimensional or with just one spike.

I certainly don't get the general impression of all SAHMs somehow being less intellectual than professionals. Most of my SAHM friends have advance degrees, work experience, more time to read, attend book clubs, show screenings, writer meets, watch artsy movies/documentaries, travel, visit museums, socialize, invest, manage insurance and household construction etc.

This is probably a bit off topic but I feel the sentiment may apply. My father, mid 70s, retired recently. He and mom are not getting along being home together. Mom was really invested in my kids who are off to college or in college already. Neither of my parents know what to do with their time together now they have no worries in the world nor anyone else to take care of.

I am afraid DH and I will end up like that once we both stop working and the kids graduate. I am actively encourage DH to establish a new friendships and new hobbies. I am looking to be more involved with volunteering and possibly work part time at preschools.

I look forward to that new chapter but not without caution and healthy dose of trepidation.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am also wary of long retirement. People tend to age quickly once out of the workforce

Only the ones who define themselves and their self worth by their job.

Otherwise every SAHM would fall apart after their kids move out. I also don’t think that this is true for everyone. Isn’t that why there is a myriad of articles about social connectivity, healthy habits etc?

Not just SAHM or SAHD,lots of out of home working couples also fall apart after becoming empty nesters.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am also wary of long retirement. People tend to age quickly once out of the workforce

Only the ones who define themselves and their self worth by their job.

And those who can't redefine themselves as something else. I can't relate to anyone who says they don't want to retire because what would they do? There is so much more to do than work, even if you are self employed. I can only see this if the "work" is a true passion, such as a writer who wants to keep writing or a humanitarian who wants to continue helping others.

Anonymous wrote:I can't wait for the youngest to go off to college in 3 years. I'm going to retire then.

I will be free to do whatever I want, whenever I want. Go where I want on vacation, and when. No longer restricted by the school calendar.

Honestly can't wait.

I will, of course, miss my children. But, I also want them to fly and live their own lives and enjoy their young adulthood.

This is the right attitude. It's a sad time for sure, but it's what you've worked for as a parent their whole life: preparing them to grow up and leave the "nest." So it's a happy time also.

For moms who have been all consumed by the kids, use this time to find or nurture another part of your identity.

Anonymous wrote:I feel that SAHMs feel they retire when their husbands do. Their “work life” is so closely linked.

A friend of mine has never worked and recently said her and her husband were planning to retire in two years.

That’s what your friends might say, but really, their work is over when the kids are off to college. So from a cognitive perspective, they “retire” whatever age that may be, 50 for some 55-60 for others. So I don’t really buy this whole concept anyway, that people start withering away when they retire - some do, especially those that never took the time to cultivate friendships, hobbies and a purpose besides work. Conversely, there are SAHMs whose intellect deteriorates as soon as they stop working to become a SAHM, who don’t feel like they have a purpose or a social outlet (they usually return to work after a few years). And then there are some SHAMs who seek out a social network, a purpose besides kids and family, and an intellectually stimulating hobby (museum guides or boards etc). So work versus non-work isn’t what we really should be worried about.

Anonymous wrote:Who is raising toddlers in their mid to late 50s???

My friend’s husband has toddler/elementary school kids in late fifties - also runs a firm and competes in triathlons. Objectively acts and looks younger than half of the younger dads at the neighborhood.

Mid-50s, kid entering high school. We're enjoying it, no major crises so far.

I feel that SAHMs feel they retire when their husbands do. Their “work life” is so closely linked.

A friend of mine has never worked and recently said her and her husband were planning to retire in two years.

Anonymous wrote:Who is raising toddlers in their mid to late 50s???

My next door neighbor and another one a few blocks over. Dads in 50s impregnate moms in 40s. I would be really curious to know what it’s like and the impact on the life course, happiness, finances.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am also wary of long retirement. People tend to age quickly once out of the workforce

Only the ones who define themselves and their self worth by their job.

Otherwise every SAHM would fall apart after their kids move out. I also don’t think that this is true for everyone. Isn’t that why there is a myriad of articles about social connectivity, healthy habits etc?