When I was 8 and my mother told me "Don't ever have children, they'll ruin your life."

I spent my life -- and many years in therapy, trying to prove to her I wouldn't ruin her life.

And here i am at 61 still recounting it. (With 2 fabulous kids now in college.)

Best friend dying by suicide when I was 14 and finding out I was pregnant, and the subsequent abortion, at 18.

The time surrounding my father’s cancer diagnosis. It was right around the time of a big get together for DHs family, and I reluctantly agreed to go anyway. I had never understood the adage that “the world just carried on like XYZ wasn’t happening” until that weekend. I was so angry that everyone was so happy and laughing and having fun when my world was crashing down around me. I wanted to scream, pull my hair out, and run away.

Childhood sexual abuse by my stepfather. I've worked through it, but I never had kids largely because of it.

I have been thinking about this topic lately. Honestly, public shaming for having oral herpes (cold sores) has been the ongoing trauma in my life. I have been kicked out of friend groups, scolded by family members at holidays, rejected by people I cared about, shunned at jobs, lost out on opportunities and even shunned by my former faith community.

I have had recurring cold sores most of my life and was not able to take medication due to kidney issues. Recently the frequency and severity has subsided and reflecting back I now see how much this issue has impacted my life. For so long I stuffed away the hurt of each event and I didn't make the connection.

My beautiful DD with autism injuring herself since she was eight. It ebbs and flows but never goes away.

Trauma doesn’t define my life.

Anonymous wrote:Parent dying of a painful illness as a young child. Watching them die, growing up without them, not having support.

Same.

And I do not believe it has made me stronger. The trauma stunted me. Pretty much every part of my life is dysfunctional.

Being raped while I was pregnant and delivering said child 3 months prematurely. He was in the NICU.

My relationship was falling apart and i was seeking validation and love. The guy ( a term I use loosely) ended up raping me and it put me on bed rest.

My son is 7 - I am a single mom - I don’t date and I stopped seeking whatever it was. I got closer to God.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My life beginning at about age 3 onwards. One huge trauma.

+2

Birth-~34

Doing well now. But boy was it hell

8 months old-28. It was hell. The second half of my life, thus far, has been amazing. I have had additional traumas, but nothing compares to my childhood. I'm glad you pps made it, too.

Anonymous wrote:These are some terrible stories. They seem like real trauma. I wish people would stop using this phrase to describe the disappointment of not making the soccer team or other trivialities.

I’m a PP, my Dad died young and found out about siblings. I agree with you for the most part. People/therapists talk about my daughter going through the trauma of adoption. It may happen down the road but right now there’s no trauma. She’s happy healthy and fine.
Having said that, just because someone else had a worse trauma/defining moment that I did, doesn’t make my trauma feel less to me.

Me at five years old in the department store dressing room with my mother having her rights read to her on the other side of the curtain and being arrested. She wanted new jeans and it didn’t matter her daughter was there while she stole them. The beginning of many narcissistic acts.

I've had too many to count. Rape and death of a 9 day old child top the list. It's a long list, but none of it defines me or my life. That's been the key to my resilience.

Neglect and abuse (physical, mental, emotional) from my mother and, eventually, my stepfather.

People never understand this, but the neglect was worse and has done far more damage.

These are some terrible stories. They seem like real trauma. I wish people would stop using this phrase to describe the disappointment of not making the soccer team or other trivialities.