Anonymous
Post 08/15/2023 19:28     Subject: Friend seems always ready to catch others in a lie. How to proceed?
Anonymous wrote:The first example is understandable. Usually someone would wait for you outside if you said you would arrive at a certain time so it's best to be specific about where you are when you say you are "here."

She is precise when stating times, you are not. This could be cultural. My father is German and precise about time whereas my mother is Polynesian and more flexible.


Absolutely! If it's 100F outside, I will stand outside the restaurant sweating until you arrive. There's no reason to wait inside a restaurant.
Anonymous
Post 08/15/2023 19:17     Subject: Friend seems always ready to catch others in a lie. How to proceed?
Anonymous wrote:For example, we met at a restaurant the other day. I texted her to say “I’m here” since I told her I would be a few mins late. I went inside and she wasn’t there. A few mins passed and she walked in. She said “you didn’t tell me you were inside, you just said you were here.”

Another example is that I told her I had something to do at “around 3”. Later when I mentioned that I had a meeting at 3:15, she said “you told me it was at 3”.

She doesn’t say anything like “you’re lying” but she just looks skeptical and usually says “okay whatever”.

I’m not really sure what to do or if it’s just that she struggles with imprecise language?


Time to move on!
Anonymous
Post 08/15/2023 19:10     Subject: Friend seems always ready to catch others in a lie. How to proceed?
Anonymous wrote:She's very literal. I don't see it as her trying to catch you in a lie, just that she's very rigid.


This. DH is a bit like this. It's annoying, but forgivable. His annoying traits could be much worse. I do say things like "315 is around 3 to MOST people" or "which hairs do you want to split now" when I'm annoyed. Ok, I don't recommend that to a friend. Dh and I are married ABOUT 20 years. I do recommend just letting it go and focusing on her good qualities.
Anonymous
Post 08/15/2023 19:05     Subject: Friend seems always ready to catch others in a lie. How to proceed?
Who made you the referee?
Anonymous
Post 08/15/2023 18:49     Subject: Friend seems always ready to catch others in a lie. How to proceed?
Anonymous wrote:Thank you for starting this thread OP. I have a colleague at work who often will cross-examine me over little things that seem to have big implications, in her view.

For example, she got very terse with me when I said I was going to visit my mother in state B, and I had previously told her I am from state A (my mother had moved to state B when she married her third husband). She accused me of making up what state I am from. She then started cross-examining me about whether I lived with my mother when I was growing up (yes, I did). The conversation was all very baffling to me.


That's not really the same thing. But thanks for playing.
Anonymous
Post 08/15/2023 18:48     Subject: Friend seems always ready to catch others in a lie. How to proceed?
Thank you for starting this thread OP. I have a colleague at work who often will cross-examine me over little things that seem to have big implications, in her view.

For example, she got very terse with me when I said I was going to visit my mother in state B, and I had previously told her I am from state A (my mother had moved to state B when she married her third husband). She accused me of making up what state I am from. She then started cross-examining me about whether I lived with my mother when I was growing up (yes, I did). The conversation was all very baffling to me.
Anonymous
Post 08/15/2023 18:37     Subject: Friend seems always ready to catch others in a lie. How to proceed?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:For example, we met at a restaurant the other day. I texted her to say “I’m here” since I told her I would be a few mins late. I went inside and she wasn’t there. A few mins passed and she walked in. She said “you didn’t tell me you were inside, you just said you were here.”

Another example is that I told her I had something to do at “around 3”. Later when I mentioned that I had a meeting at 3:15, she said “you told me it was at 3”.

She doesn’t say anything like “you’re lying” but she just looks skeptical and usually says “okay whatever”.

I’m not really sure what to do or if it’s just that she struggles with imprecise language?


Every time she does it, you ask "what is your point?" in as bland a way as possible.


That would be fine with my. I'd respond with what my point actually is. "I was waiting outside because I thought you were outside as well. Let's both be more accurate in where we are next time"

Anonymous
Post 08/15/2023 18:35     Subject: Friend seems always ready to catch others in a lie. How to proceed?
Anonymous wrote:You could try being more specific:

“I am inside”
“I got us a table in the back”
“I have a call at 3:15”
“I’ll be over between 3:30 and 4 pm”


This annoys me.

--someone else who is precise
Anonymous
Post 08/15/2023 18:34     Subject: Friend seems always ready to catch others in a lie. How to proceed?
Anonymous wrote:For example, we met at a restaurant the other day. I texted her to say “I’m here” since I told her I would be a few mins late. I went inside and she wasn’t there. A few mins passed and she walked in. She said “you didn’t tell me you were inside, you just said you were here.”

Another example is that I told her I had something to do at “around 3”. Later when I mentioned that I had a meeting at 3:15, she said “you told me it was at 3”.

She doesn’t say anything like “you’re lying” but she just looks skeptical and usually says “okay whatever”.

I’m not really sure what to do or if it’s just that she struggles with imprecise language?



She needs a therapist. Be the friend she needs and encourage her to find a good one.
Anonymous
Post 08/15/2023 18:27     Subject: Friend seems always ready to catch others in a lie. How to proceed?
Anonymous wrote:For example, we met at a restaurant the other day. I texted her to say “I’m here” since I told her I would be a few mins late. I went inside and she wasn’t there. A few mins passed and she walked in. She said “you didn’t tell me you were inside, you just said you were here.”

Another example is that I told her I had something to do at “around 3”. Later when I mentioned that I had a meeting at 3:15, she said “you told me it was at 3”.

She doesn’t say anything like “you’re lying” but she just looks skeptical and usually says “okay whatever”.

I’m not really sure what to do or if it’s just that she struggles with imprecise language?


As for what to do, I would probably be busy the next time she asks me to meet her somewhere. Friendships should be easy/not a struggle—especially over these nothing scenarios you gave.

If I text someone I’m running late, I assume they are on time and inside waiting for me.

I don’t need policed by my friends, so if she is going to keep track of my schedule that closely I’m going to be busy a lot. Always even.

Good luck with that one.
Anonymous
Post 08/15/2023 18:17     Subject: Friend seems always ready to catch others in a lie. How to proceed?
Anonymous wrote:For example, we met at a restaurant the other day. I texted her to say “I’m here” since I told her I would be a few mins late. I went inside and she wasn’t there. A few mins passed and she walked in. She said “you didn’t tell me you were inside, you just said you were here.”

Another example is that I told her I had something to do at “around 3”. Later when I mentioned that I had a meeting at 3:15, she said “you told me it was at 3”.

She doesn’t say anything like “you’re lying” but she just looks skeptical and usually says “okay whatever”.

I’m not really sure what to do or if it’s just that she struggles with imprecise language?


Every time she does it, you ask "what is your point?" in as bland a way as possible.
Anonymous
Post 08/15/2023 18:02     Subject: Friend seems always ready to catch others in a lie. How to proceed?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:You could try being more specific:

“I am inside”
“I got us a table in the back”
“I have a call at 3:15”
“I’ll be over between 3:30 and 4 pm”


So that this friend can then find something else to pounce on? No thanks. I’d simply drop this nutball.


Ok. That is also an option.
Anonymous
Post 08/15/2023 18:00     Subject: Friend seems always ready to catch others in a lie. How to proceed?
Anonymous wrote:You could try being more specific:

“I am inside”
“I got us a table in the back”
“I have a call at 3:15”
“I’ll be over between 3:30 and 4 pm”


So that this friend can then find something else to pounce on? No thanks. I’d simply drop this nutball.
Anonymous
Post 08/15/2023 17:55     Subject: Friend seems always ready to catch others in a lie. How to proceed?
Communicate confidence in yourself.


"You didn't say your were inside? You said you were here.".
"Wherever I am, I'm here! I'm glad we found each other."

"You said 3".
"I said around 3. That's +/- half an hour to me."

Let her be her and you be you.
Anonymous
Post 08/15/2023 15:30     Subject: Friend seems always ready to catch others in a lie. How to proceed?
You could try being more specific:

“I am inside”
“I got us a table in the back”
“I have a call at 3:15”
“I’ll be over between 3:30 and 4 pm”