Anonymous
Post 08/14/2023 15:51     Subject: Transferring to be with GF
We have friends whose kid transferred from an elite school to a pretty unselective school to be with his gf. The schools weren’t even that far apart—they could have just driven back and forth. But they’re still together several years after college and happy and he’s on a super elite grad program, so it all worked out. I’d let him do it. Happiness isn’t the worst thing to chase.
Anonymous
Post 08/14/2023 12:19     Subject: Transferring to be with GF
Anonymous wrote:I dunno. Maybe I'm crazy, but don't think it's that cut and dry as PPs are making it out to be. I guess it depends. How long have they been dating? Does your "mom sense" tell you this is a real thing, or more infatuation?

My sister transferred from William & Mary to Penn State back in the day. Told our parents and herself that it was because she wanted a bigger school, but realistically...it was because of the boyfriend. They'd been dating since junior year of HS. The recently celebrated 20 years of marriage 🤷‍♀️ And the Penn State degree didn't stop her from taking the exact path she intended on taking from William & Mary (UVA Law School).


Cool story.
Anonymous
Post 08/14/2023 12:18     Subject: Transferring to be with GF
Anonymous wrote:Why did she go to Arizona? Why was it a good choice for her? Is she from DMV?
She made the big change to leave him. Following her is crazy.


yup.
Anonymous
Post 08/14/2023 12:18     Subject: Transferring to be with GF
I view this as a lateral move, academically. But please make sure she has not moved on to some other guy before paying out of state tuition. First girlfriend relationships almost always end on heartbreak. And if the consolation prize is … University of Arizona??
Anonymous
Post 08/14/2023 11:55     Subject: Transferring to be with GF
My DS is in a long distance relationship with his GF who goes to college about five hours away and is an athlete so has very little free time. They see each other about 1-2 times per semester. They are going into their junior year. I told him from the start of college that if his relationship cannot withstand the test of a LDR in college, then it wasn't meant to be. I've also told him they should really take a break and see other people since they are each others first SO and should be enjoying college, meeting lots of people. They have not done the latter but are happier now than ever. its doable.
Anonymous
Post 08/14/2023 11:53     Subject: Transferring to be with GF
The people I know who did this all ended up breaking up and being miserable.
Anonymous
Post 08/14/2023 11:47     Subject: Transferring to be with GF
There are 19 year old kids in warzones with girlfriends back home. Your son can get on a plane and visit more easily than they can.
Anonymous
Post 08/14/2023 11:41     Subject: Transferring to be with GF
Why did she go to Arizona? Why was it a good choice for her? Is she from DMV?
She made the big change to leave him. Following her is crazy.
Anonymous
Post 08/14/2023 11:37     Subject: Transferring to be with GF
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:My college kid is in a dating situation that I don’t necessarily think it’s a good idea. But I have learned from observation and my own experience as a young person that I cannot dictate who my kid is dating or the circumstances. It is not healthy for anyone. So manipulating where he goes to school so that he dates other people is borderline creepy.


It's not "manipulating". He's a student at UMD already. It's in state, so affordable. I wouldn't pay the extra for Arizona for a GF. He can choose what he wants to do, but it also means he can pay for the extra costs, which an 19 yo likely cannot do


I was responding to a few pps who said he should be dating others.
Anonymous
Post 08/14/2023 11:33     Subject: Transferring to be with GF
Anonymous wrote:My college kid is in a dating situation that I don’t necessarily think it’s a good idea. But I have learned from observation and my own experience as a young person that I cannot dictate who my kid is dating or the circumstances. It is not healthy for anyone. So manipulating where he goes to school so that he dates other people is borderline creepy.


It's not "manipulating". He's a student at UMD already. It's in state, so affordable. I wouldn't pay the extra for Arizona for a GF. He can choose what he wants to do, but it also means he can pay for the extra costs, which an 19 yo likely cannot do
Anonymous
Post 08/14/2023 11:32     Subject: Transferring to be with GF
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Wtf. No. You should not have to pay MORE money so that he can transfer to a WORSE and more expensive s school. Agreeing to pay for an out of state school if he didn’t get into Maryland, or agreeing to pay for say UVA or UCLA, is very different from paying more for a school ranked lower.





I'm not into rankings really. But there is no way I'd pay OOS for Arizona if my kid was in at UMD instate. There is a huge difference in quality, so why pay more for less quality. I also don't support my kid picking their university for the SO
Anonymous
Post 08/14/2023 11:30     Subject: Transferring to be with GF
Anonymous wrote:I dunno. Maybe I'm crazy, but don't think it's that cut and dry as PPs are making it out to be. I guess it depends. How long have they been dating? Does your "mom sense" tell you this is a real thing, or more infatuation?

My sister transferred from William & Mary to Penn State back in the day. Told our parents and herself that it was because she wanted a bigger school, but realistically...it was because of the boyfriend. They'd been dating since junior year of HS. The recently celebrated 20 years of marriage 🤷‍♀️ And the Penn State degree didn't stop her from taking the exact path she intended on taking from William & Mary (UVA Law School).


Awesome that it worked out well for your sister. However, statistically it much more likely to NOT work out. I would never encourage a kid to follow a BF/GF to school. If the relationship is meant to be it will happen. Met my husband during summer after sophomore year (college). we were long distance for 2 years, then got married and were long distance for another 2 years while I was in grad school. Happily married for 32 years.
Oh, and this was back when long distance cost $$$ and email was barely a thing. Have to imagine with FaceTime, cell phones and all the technological advances that it would be even easier now
Anonymous
Post 08/14/2023 10:48     Subject: Re:Transferring to be with GF
Is the out of state tuition really not an issue? I guess I would keep this business-like, about your investment in his education, and leave the GF out of it.
He should come up with a budget (including increased tuition and transportation costs), plan of what credits will transfer (will he need a 5th year), and list what opportunities he will be gaining and losing by transferring.
Anonymous
Post 08/14/2023 10:42     Subject: Transferring to be with GF
It’s probably the girlfriend. But part of it may be a legitimate desire to get the experience of living in a different part of the country that he didn’t realize he wanted until he visited her at Arizona. I’d probably let him.
Anonymous
Post 08/14/2023 10:28     Subject: Transferring to be with GF
She's already banging someone else.