Don't lie. Period. It almost never works out.

How important is absolute honesty to your friend/friendship?

Many people could care less about the white lies that smooth social spaces--you look great in that, love the haircut, you haven't aged a bit, it's my turn to treat etc even with close friends--but some people just really want the truth and consider their close friendships to be very much the one place where someone is brutally honest no matter what. If you have one of those latter ones, of course just be honest and say, here's the deal--I'm making a lot of money and want to treat us to this but I'm worried it might be weird. Are you okay with it? If your relationship benefits from smoothing over than smooth over. Neither one is better or worse, just suit your action to the person/your relationship.

Lie. I have many friends who make magnitudes less than we do. They know we are wealthy and money is so not a consideration on our friendships but it helps everyone in the relationship to pretend that we are only several times as wealthy as they are.

Speaking as someone who goes to these kinds of places and also knows the points game, there is no way I would believe that everything you are planning to pick up was being paid for by points unless you are personally on the road every week (and maybe not even then). So I’d understand you were lying to protect my feels, and that would be a thing.

I wouldn’t create drama about it, but I would understand that our relationship had changed.

Since that is what you don’t want, I think telling the truth is a better direction.

Oh, maybe say your DH wants to treat both of you?

Anonymous wrote:Similar situation. I'd lightly fib by saying because I travel so much, I got a really good deal so it's my treat. Don't even mention points.

+1 This is what I would do.
I kind of do something like this with my parents who would be loathe to accept any financial assistance from their kids. It's not outright lying, it's just setting a tone to avoid the topic.

Anonymous wrote:I'd be vague, but I wouldn't outright lie. I'd just say something like DH suggested you do exactly what you want for your birthday, and what you wanted to do was celebrate with her, so her presence is part of your own gift. Maybe mention that you have points from travel.

I wouldn't tell an outright lie that can be discovered.

Agree. The difference in means is likely to become apparent somehow anyway.

Similar situation. I'd lightly fib by saying because I travel so much, I got a really good deal so it's my treat. Don't even mention points.

It sounds like maybe in your heart you want her to validate your success by knowing how rich you are? And you are waiting for her to acknowledge it? But that’s about you.

I would say it’s points so it isn’t a Lady Bpuntiful thing, but most people are ok being treated, if there isn’t a weird underlying dynamic.

Anonymous wrote:Fib. Let her buy some stuff on the trip. Drinks, a dinner. Massages. Anything.

+1 million. You need to let her contribute whatever she offers to contribute, regardless of how you couch the cost of the trip. Even paying with points is paying.

Using the word fib to describe what you want to do speaks volumes.

Anonymous wrote:Hotel points, less drama, more fun

This! Have a great time, OP. And happy birthday!

Anonymous wrote:Everyone on this board apparently makes $1 million+ a year – it seems like there is A LOT of fibbing going on all around.

I recommended fibbing as someone who is not wealthy but has wealthy friends. I would appreciate the white lie even if I saw through it. It's would make me feel less guilty and also is a little bit face-saving (it can feel a little bit uncomfortable to be treated very extravagantly by someone who you grew up with, when you know you can never, ever pay them back in kind).

I consider the fib for the friend's comfort, not for OP's.

Everyone on this board apparently makes $1 million+ a year – it seems like there is A LOT of fibbing going on all around.

Lying to a lifelong friend- what could go irrevocably wrong?